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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have a sit down wedding buffett as we are finally getting married and having it at 4pm ?

55 replies

misscracker · 19/09/2011 19:32

I was thinking of having a afternoon tea,sandwiches,pasties,pies,cakes,etc and beer for the men,wine,bubbly oj and tea and coffee for everyone still, but doing it without the formality aibu?.

As a friend said it was?.

OP posts:

mummymccar · 19/09/2011 20:08

That sounds fantastic! Your wedding, your way. If you want some ideas then check out www.rockmywedding.co.uk There are some fantastic buffet ideas on there.
Congratulations!

notsofastmrbond · 19/09/2011 20:09

Ah ok, thanks christine! I've only ever heard it called a buffet, I wondered if there was a difference if you were sitting down

I did go to a no expense spared wedding at christmas when the sit down meal was about 4PM and then there was a hot food buffet in the evening. I was stuffed but DH pigged out, but then he is a self confessed greedy bastard they did have quite a few evening guests.

notsofastmrbond · 19/09/2011 20:09

(I was too stuffed to eat anything from the buffet I mean)

acatcalledfelix · 19/09/2011 20:10

As long as people know what to expect then that sounds fine. They'll have plenty of time to have a lovely big mid-afternoon lunch before the wedding. I'd definitely enjoy it.

I had a buffet, no waitress but "proper" food like salmon beef and potatoes. Later on the food was just replenished, there was plenty left so it would have been a complete waste of money to pay for another lot of food on top of what we already had. So I'd say ake sure that there is enough food to last for a fair amount of time, and that there is kiddy friendly food too (although I have a DS who would eat anything, my nephews are a nightmare!)

zukiecat · 19/09/2011 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeaOnSea · 19/09/2011 20:17

I think that sounds lovely and would actually prefer to attend a wedding as you describe.

I find attending a full day with a meal and then evening do quite tiring. The guests that arrive in the evening look lovely and fresh whilst those that have been there all day are pissed look a little tired.

Original poster

misscracker · 19/09/2011 20:17

I will specify in the invitations regarding the food so people no what to expect,thanks everyone.

OP posts:

SheCutOffTheirTails · 19/09/2011 20:24

I don't really understand what you're friend's issue is. You're having a party, you're feeding people, it all sounds delicious.

Are you sure she's not just a beer drinking woman?

slavetofilofax · 19/09/2011 20:26

We had an afternoon tea at our wedding, it went down really well!

Although we got married at 12.30, has drinks and canapes then afternoon tea (severd formally as a two course sit down), and BBQ in the evening.

There is always something that people like in an afternoon tea menu, people said they enjoyed swapping sandwiches and the little pastries, because everyone had their own plate and own preferences.

Just make sure you do lots of sandwiches! It is more filling than you expect it to be though. My Mum was worried people would be hungry, but after six finger sandwiches each, a large scone and a few little pastries, everyone was stuffed.

I would agree that it's best to let people know so they can have whatever they want for lunch.

Hulababy · 19/09/2011 20:28

Do it as you like. It is your day. An informal do can be fab!

We had our wedding abroad but had a big church blessing on return for 100+ guests. Wedding was at 3ish iirr so we didn't have a sit down formal affair at all. Instead we had a buffet tea which was laid out from about 6ish with tea/coffee for those that wanted it. We didn't provide alcohol but there was a bar on all night. No other food, just informal fun - band and disco, dancing. And everyone had a great time, as did me and DH.

ceres · 19/09/2011 20:29

'I still wonder if people thought we were being massively tight for not providing another round of food. But I just can't picture sitting down to a three course meal at 5.30 then wanting to eat again.'

we had a four course meal at 6pm and then did food again around 11pm, hardly anyone ate anything, apart from coffee and cake, so i think it was a total waste. we didn't have any evening guests though, all our guests were invited to the entire day. not sure if that makes a difference to consumption.

OP - what you suggest sounds lovely. there are many, many options when it comes to wedding food so pick what suits you and your day. i also don't think you need to mention it in the invitations.

Hulababy · 19/09/2011 20:30

Oh and so long as peole know it isn't a sit down meal then I can see no problem with people being hungry - they can eat at lunch time after all!

I think some people see these things as a free meal at times tbh though, hence the friends ???

TrillianAstra · 19/09/2011 20:31

How long are you expecting them to stay?

YANBU as long as you make sure they know to have a large meal at lunchtime.

BleurghUna · 19/09/2011 20:32

Sounds nice. But YABU about the beer! Should be a choice of wine or beer for everyone.!

SansaLannister · 19/09/2011 20:33

YANBU.

SwingingBetty · 19/09/2011 20:34

but not everyone at the evening do will be at the reception will they?

i would be a bit if i went to an evening do and there was no food at all

notsofastmrbond · 19/09/2011 20:37

ceres, we had no evening guests either.

Just the original lot from 3 til, well, whenever, midnight I guess.

I suspect a select few people ate the canapes as my Mum told me some uncles and aunts were poised by the kitchen door as they came out

Glad to hear it was a waste of money (not for you to waste your money of course!) as I've always wondered if we should have forked out more just for show/in case.

notsofastmrbond · 19/09/2011 20:38

Apols if I've started any of the evening do confusion. I don't hold with only inviting people to the part of the wedding that doesn't involve getting married, but that's a WHOLE other thread

Original poster

misscracker · 19/09/2011 20:38

We are having around 40 in the day for the ceremony and then afternoon tea,and then over 100 in the evening,and more food will be laid on .

OP posts:

Original poster

misscracker · 19/09/2011 20:39

And anyone can have beer now,except the kids of course.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 19/09/2011 20:39

We got married at 2pm, went from the reg office to the venue by about 4pm, had a lovely buffet for about 40 (everyone who was at the ceremony).. everyone chatted, mingled, chilled out, (and it gave us plenty of chance to work our way around the room talking to everyone too).. and then people who were only coming for the evening started to arrive at about 7pm.. we had the buffet topped up at around 9pm.

Everyone who came said how much they enjoyed it, and the fact that it was so relaxed and informal made it more fun. Even my mum who was initially aghast that we were not having a sit down meal and speeches etc.. (not our thing)..

Its our 9th anniversary tomorrow. :)

SansaLannister · 19/09/2011 20:39

Sounds nice! :)

(I don't hold with evening do's, either )

squeakytoy · 19/09/2011 20:43

The reason we only invited 40 to the day part and more later was purely down to registry office limits on space.. 40 was the max.. and it was also a friday, so people were working too..

Ephiny · 19/09/2011 20:44

It sounds fine to me, as long as there's plenty of food for everyone (and the women are allowed beer as well if they want!). Personally I'd prefer an informal buffet to a sit-down meal, where you get stuck at a table with people you don't know and have to make awkward conversation, and there's no choice of food!

Not sure why people would need to eat a large lunch - if anything I'd have a small lunch if I was going to be eating another meal at 4pm!

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 19/09/2011 21:09

Sounds lovely.

We're having our ceremony at 4pm but are going to ask guests to arrive at 3pm so they can have a glass of champagne and "light bites" and mingle for a while. (not all family members have met so thought this would be nice) then having a help yourself and choose where you sit Hog Roast with added salads, pasta and rice dishes about 6pm ish then cake a couple hours later!

Can't be doing with all this 3/4 course meal crap! I just want people to see us exchange vows then get pissed and have fun.

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