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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu or just sensitive?

95 replies

MrsC1977 · 18/09/2011 17:18

Hi, myself, hubby + daughter (2) were invited to a childrens party. This was an invite from a mum who goes to the same playgroup as me. This party was arranged 3 weeks ago, and the mum kept asking me at playgroup if I was going and what food would dd eat at the party etc. Anyway, we went today and it was awful, the mum didn't say hello to us or even acknowledge we were there. So we left after 10 mins, husband was fuming and said this mum was damn right rude. I don't understand why she didn't even come and say hello and make us feel welcome, after all the conversations we had regarding her sons birthday party and if were going. Aibu? Or just sensitive? This is our first party we've ever taken dd to and jjust felt disheartened.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 18/09/2011 19:35

If you had waited longer she would probably have had time. Could you not have spoken to other guests?

exoticfruits · 18/09/2011 19:36

Was DD not a bit upset at being removed?

warthog · 18/09/2011 19:38

'Yes I did go up to say hello and she just turned looked at us then turned away. '

SarahStratton · 18/09/2011 19:40

That's blanking to me. But I still think you should have stayed, for your DD and her friend.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 18/09/2011 19:40

If she did indeed blank you when you approached her then YANBU to be offended. Kind of OTT to leave though, how did your DD react to leaving without seeing the animals?

Portofino · 18/09/2011 19:41

Was your DH specifically invited?

peterpan99 · 18/09/2011 19:42

Yes I did go up to say hello and she just turned looked at us then turned away.
not sure i believe that, maybe OP wasnt expecting negetive response. I find it hard to believe that someone who repeatedly asked you to come to party would then blank you when you turned up!
Maybe she didnt drop everything and come running over with a fan fare playing to announce your arrival, but i dont see why she'd blank someone she had invited.

clam · 18/09/2011 19:51

"she just turned and looked at us, and turned away."
But if she was preoccupied, she might have been looking through you as she was actually thinking, "shit, I've left my purse at home, so no money on me to pay the entertainer."

You over-reacted. I'd have given her 5 minutes, then gone over and asked if there was anything we could do to pitch in and help. But if your DD is only 2yo, then this party malarkey is probably new to you.

ll31 · 18/09/2011 19:56

yabvu - and very rude - and providing not impressive example to your kids

olibeansmummy · 18/09/2011 21:16

Oh dear.... YABU

Indaba · 18/09/2011 21:24

This is a joke, isn't it?

By the way have you seen the next thread in AIBU......mother on there worried as she had invited DC's friend to DC's party. Went to effort of asking about food preferences. Both parents of DC's friend turned up, wandered in and walked out after 10 minutes with no explanation.

Yes, YAB a bit overly sensitive.

Most important thing re kids parties is is did DC and their friends have a great time, nothing more or less.

saladsandwich · 18/09/2011 22:02

i'd just be please my ds was invited to a party... my ds rarely gets invited over to peoples houses. the lady in question is probably sat at home feeling pretty shit her guests walked out after 10minutes. X

bigbabushkas · 18/09/2011 22:13

My DH would rather poke a shitty stick in his eye than go to a party. Me too, actually.

Really? Not my hubbies favourite way to pass time but yes. he goes to parties, eats cake, makes small talk. To make or son happy.

Pang · 18/09/2011 22:34

When my DC were younger both parents of the party guest would come to the DCs parties. I did not mind this because it was a good way of making friends with people who had children of the same age. But it is incredibly stressful! I am sure that I have looked through many parents during these occassions. Funnily enough, the parents that I became true friends with were the ones that jumped in and helped.

Once the children got to a certain age, I was glad that the parents no longer attended because they just got in the way. But I always asked a couple mums to stay for the party to help and to keep me company. They are still my friends years later.(The older DC are now teens/pre teens.)

Next time your daughter goes to a party, be helpful. You could make some long term friends.

Tryharder · 18/09/2011 22:42

Clearly you have not yet hosted a kid's birthday party before, OP? In a few years time, you will probably look back at what you have written and cringe. I can't believe you walked out after 10 minutes - you weren't invited to the party, OP - your daughter was. I hope for your daughter's sake that word doesn't get around about your strange behaviour and that your daughter is not excluded from future parties.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 18/09/2011 22:49

bigbabushkas

I've had many years of parties. They lose their shine after a bit. The DCs love them though

Laquitar · 18/09/2011 23:11

MrsC that's

She didn't have to blank you because she didn't have to invite you in the first place as you are not family or close friends.

So maybe she was busy/nervous/stressed. You should stay more and give her a chance.

If you are sure it was blanking then something must have happened. I 'm very curious how did you leave and how did she respond to it. I'm trying to imagine it. Who's decision was to leave?

You have mentioned that this was your first party. I hope that for your dd's sake this didn't put you off attending other parties in future. I think people have different expectations regarding childrens parties. Some see it as family day out and a chance to make friends but most don't if they are busy or socialize with extended family or colegues.
So it is best imo to go to these parties with no expectations, just see it as something for dd.

Does your dh usually enjoy parties?

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 19/09/2011 00:11

YABU If you'd come to a party I've given for my DC you'd have waited longer than 10 mins for me to talk to you. Why? Because the party is for the kids and not adults. I would have been busy making sure they were okay, were enjoying themselves and had what they needed. As for your DH fuming, he needs to get over himself and realise that he isn't that important.

clam · 19/09/2011 09:36

And of course, another possible explanation is that she'd forgotten to put in her contact lenses.

scootergal · 19/09/2011 10:11

ahhhh if it s your first party it was a big deal for you, I think people are being a little harsh.
Firstly I ve had a 'party' for my ds for the last 3 years (since he was 2 ) - same crowd - mums and dad s that we know from group and locally - ends up about 8 of his pals plus parents, this year there were montessori friends too - it was carnage! - no matter how organised you think you a re or how 'low maintainance' the party, it s stressful, I always end up thinking oh dear didnt get to chat to x at all, or oh dear I hope x didnt feel that their little one was being left out because they re shyer/not used to toehr kids/ and it was too chactic for us to make the effort we usually do to include them etc.... and then i find the birthday cake i forgot to cut or the brownies i forgot to give out or party bags that mean 2 children definitely didn't get any -oooops!
Most of the time i rely on the generosity empathy and understanding of the other people attending to understand how stressful and chaotic it is.
However I do understand if it was your first party and you havent hosted one yourself and your first party.. well it s a bit like being a parent.... you know it s easy to be a fantastic parent .. until you actually have kids!! same with parties... easy in theory! , it s obv that the mum hosting made a big deal and put effort and thought into the party (checking you were coming and if your child had dietary requirements) she just might have had hands full at the time ensuring things were going to plan.
it was maybe a little harsh of you to leave so early especially if she put all the effort in. It might be nice for you to invite her for a coffee, or let her know that you appreciated being asked and the consideration and planning she went to and ask her round for a play date and cuppa sometime in the future. I m sure she ll prob have been so busy she wont have noticed you left in a huff, you can always say your LO was off form that day,
Life s full of misunderstandings! but this is probably one that could be easily enough rectified.
hth

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