Or is Soon to be X H?

[Meikyo]

DD lives with me. She goes to a dance class every Saturday. I normally take her every week and pay for the class (£6.50, pay as you go). Yesterday I had a dental appointment overlapping the dance class start time and asked my STBXH to take her. I gave him £20 to pay for the dance class when I dropped her off at his (he lives quite near us).

When I picked her up from the dance class I asked DD (almost 9) where the change was - she said her dad had kept it. I texted him and asked him to drop it off. He kept £3.50 change back on another week last month so I asked him to drop off the £17.00.

He has just been round with it and was evidently not pleased to be asked to bring it round. I told him that he clearly does not realise how tight my finances are and he made a comment about his being tight too. I told him that he can always do something about that (ie try to get a job - he has been unemployed on and off for several years, currently been nearly three years since he last worked). He then walked off angrily saying I was "just in one of my moods".

He pays £zero child support (not even the £5 as he has DD one night a week). Since he left the hosue over 3 years ago I have paid the joint mortgage and all other joint financial commitments in full.

I work F/T (earn too much to be eligible for any benefits) and pay for Childminder for after school care as STBXH won't look after DD on any days except his contact days. Even on his contact days he sometimes pulls out at last minute and asks me to get CM to pick DD up from school (for which I have to pay).

[fedupofnamechanging]

If you do end up giving him a cash settlement, is there any way you could inform the benefits people. I don't see why he should get £20,000 of your money and then continue to sponge of the state. Also, could some of it be ring fenced for child support? It might be worth running it by your solicitor, just in case there is some way for you to not get entirely shafted here.

[Meikyo]

Karma - I don't think the CSA can take a "windfall" into account and I think STBX would have to agree if it was to be written into a legal agreement. I entirely agree that he should not be allowed to get state benefits if he has £20k from me. I should add that the day after we separated in 2008 STBX took just under £20k out of our joint savings account (50% of what we had) so I don't know how he managed to get benefits - he must have witheld information. As far as I know he would be ineligible for benefits if he has savings of £16k or more. I will check with my solicitor - I would love it if the money could be put into a trust for DD but no chance of this happening I fear.

[fedupofnamechanging]

Would it count as a windfall? Really it is profit from his asset, which is the house, rather than an inheritance or something similar.

I would contact the benefits agency and tell them he took £20k from the joint account - it will be trackable through the bank, therefore he cannot deny having done it. Not declaring all your income and assets, then claiming benefits is fraud. Why should he sit on his arse claiming money that you (and everyone else) are paying for via taxation when he has all that money.

He is taking the piss and if you can possibly do anything to scupper him, then do so.