To not make contact with ex-friend who I've heard has been Sectioned?

[lechatnoir]

I've recently heard that a girl I was good friends with for c. 20 years has been Sectioned and it's all sounding pretty hopeless . We initially drifted apart about 6 or 7 years ago as we were leading such different lives (she was already struggling) but I severed contact altogether about 5 years ago when her behaviour became so erratic I just didn't feel comfortable having her in my life generally but especially since I'd had children.

I'm well aware that I probably abandoned her just when she needed me most, but there were many many 'incidents' before I took this decision & on hearing reports of her since, I firmly believe I made the right decision for my family and stand by that decision.

AIBU for not getting in contact with her since hearing the news? Of course I do worry about her & think of her often but don't want to suggest I'm resurrecting our friendship when, if I'm totally honest, I can't deal with her in my life right now. I wondered about sending a note to her parents to tell them I'm thinking of her, but that just sounded like a copy out, So AIBU & should I make contact or should I stay out of her life unless I can be a proper friend?

LCN

Thanks to those who seem to understand and have spoke up for me. And those who don't, I took A LOT of shit (verbal, physical & emotional) from this girl for many many years because she was an old friend but when my job, husband and my son became involved, I walked away knowing it was the right thing to do. I have no doubt she felt abandoned but my god if I was ever doing the things she was doing, I'd hope my friends would protect themselves & their families first and let the professionals take over.

• spoken not spoke up

Stay away, you will cause more harm than good coming in and out her life

Yanbu. I have been in a similar position. When a person hurts you an others over and over, I can't see the logic in remaining friends even if the reasons are due to mental health problems.

lechatnoir

I wouldn't contact her at all. She would probably feel humiliated being contacted and pitied by someone who phased her out seven years ago. I understand why you did it by the way but still it would be a bit much to expect her to welcome contact now.

It also might come accross as though you are 'letting her know' that you know her very presonal business and I don't think that's right when you are not actually friends now.

When you cut her off you made the decision to do that, you can't now make contact because you feel bad.

As I say I fully understand why you did it but you can't have it both ways.

Really don't like all these comments about someone being a fair-weather friend. I think its an unfair judgment on OP. Supporting people in such circumstances can be a nightmare and in some instances you end up enabling behaviour. Sometimes the best thing to do is to cut people off.

You did what you did because it was the right decision at the time.

But I really wouldn't contact. It may make you feel better in short run but unless you can take her on again with all that entails best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Agree with Indaba. The OP has had a slating, being called a fair weather friend. It sounds to me as if the OP made a decision to end the friendship after a great deal of thought and still feels compassion for her friend and her family.

I have been in a similar position and sometimes you just know that a professional needs to take over where you left off. Nobody knows the individual medical circumstances of the OP's friend, but it does sound as if OP thought it through and didn't just abandon said friend on a selfish whim.

ANother one saying, don't get in touch. You can't help her, she needs (and is now getting) proper professional help. You are not a bad person for having cut her off when her behaviour became damaging to your family: you are not responsible for her and it's not your fault that she is ill.