to have said this to DH this morning as he left for work?

[paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife]

you no longer seem like the man I married and are turning into a self obsessed middle aged twit!

He asked to me iron his shirt for him this morning (I haven't a problem with that at all), but then followed up by saying as you do it so well and never leave any creases. That was with reference to yesterday when i did one and he said he was going to do it again as there was still a crease. I couldn't see it till I looked very closely, you know sometimes you get what I call a shadow crease, so feint you can hardly see it, the residue from a really tough crease. He'd have had deeper ones from sitting in the car by the time he got to work. At that point I told him he had issues about looking so pristine, maybe a tad OCD about his appearance.
TBH that spurred me on to my opening comment after his behavior last night. He was due to go out and meet 2 friends, he's known them since they all went to school together, for golf and some drinks.
About an hour and a half before he was due to go he was playing with DC's in the garden. I was doing tea, having some time out from DC's. His mum turned up to drop off some ironing that she's kindly done for us (she is lovely.) Dh forgot youngest DD (17m) was on the trampoline (with side netting of course) and came in to see his mum for a few minutes. The other DC's followed.
I suddenly realised DD3 was not with him and asked where she was, just then heard an ear splitting scream from the back garden. DD1 and I rushed out to find her in a heap on the floor next to trampoline with a bruise/graze, slight swelling on her head. She'd fallen approx 2ft but we don't know whether she toppled forward and landed head first or hit the ground in any other way and then hit her head. Some grass some paving slabs, again not sure where she hit?
She was very distressed for quite some time not even wanting her fave blueberries for at least an hour. I was in two minds wheteher or not to take her to A&E. DH said she was fine and I was overeacting. My mum was happy to come over and watch the other DC's. DH then said I suppose i should cancel tonight? A question not a statement. I knew he'd whine about missing his night out if they gave her the all clear so told him to go I'd let him know how she was later.
Mum came round and she began to perk up a bit, even giggled and DS's crazy antics and she was looking tired. We checked her eyes for any signs of obvious brain injury and they seemed fine, so i gave her her regular meds for severe reflux but not her sedative as i didn't want her too drowsy so i could keep an eye on her. (Without it she's normally awake and screaming for hours by about 1am, doctor prescribed as well.) Text DH to say this was plan.
Gave her a lovely cuddle and BF to sleep very easily, she was exhausted, could her her refluxing though, the stress seemed to have made it worse.
Within 1/2hr she was awake and crying, took her into my dark bedroom and cuddled her, but very stressy, dozing then hysterical crying in cycles. Text DH at 10pm to say was taking her back downstairs as she was very unhappy.
TBH I though at this point he might have decided to come home, he had to pick up DD1 (17) and her friend en route but they were just waiting around for him anyway, had finished their meal out and were wondering round taking photographs (A level courses.)
Called mum back round at 10.30, not sure whether to take her up to A&E again. She calmed a bit but still v unsettled. In the end I rang A&E, explained all, they eventually we agreed give her normal sedative but sleep her next to me in bedside cot rather than in own room, and keep checking her through the night.
DH eventually arrived home at 12.10. Said he'd left where they were at 10.45, dropped mate off, collected girls then come home. Timings do seem about right.
I wouldn't have gone out last night at all, but it would have been my decision based on my feelings for DC's and I wouldn't have worried about not seeing friends under these circumstances, and i certainly wouldn't have hung around another 45m when i had a long journey home if DH was struggling in this situation.

I love ironing DH's white workshirts. I have no idea why this is because mostly I hate any sort of housework, but there is something deeply satifying about that smooth white linen, I do sheets as well, but that is it, everything is else unironed. Very strange.

Anyway, I think your comment was a bit harsh, but you were tired and grumpy and worried. I do think you should apologise for being overly harsh but I also think you should tell him why you were pissed off.

DH knows better than to comment negatively on any favours I do him. In our house if you don't like the way someone is doing something for you, you do it your bloody self.

I don't think he was unreasonable to get in just after 12 for a night out.

A bit of both, tbh.

You should have said, "I am worried about DD, I would prefer you to stay home tonight in case her condition worsens and I have to go to A&E."

Or you should have texted him to say that she was not doing well and he should come home, not that you were taking her downstairs.

At the same time, he should have realised that when his DD is not well, that his night out is not as important.

You are not communicating with him, you are expecting him to know what you want him to do. And he is not thinking enough about your needs. And the needs of his children.

Sit down and talk to him about it.

Bet you wished you'd never posted now don't you?!

There are 3 separate issues here, the only thing I would prioritise now is the fall from the trampoline, I would need her seen at a & e just to put my mind at rest. Only then would he get a bollocking for his delay in picking up dd1. As for the ironing - either do it or don't do it, it's none of our business how your family housekeeping dynamics work.

None of it is any of our business. If that was a prerequisite to posting Mumsnet would be very empty.

Is he actually being funny about it? Not understanding why it could've upset you thar he was thoughtless?

good advice Nagoo with ironing duties!!
I am getting to point of not ironing anything- but I did do it when kids were littler as their little clothes can look awful if not ironed.

I do not condemn ironers or 'more traditional' set ups (whatever that means)- looks around for feminism thread chasing my heels

Hiccy he thinks I'm picking on him and never say when he does good things. Feels it's all unjust I think.

My dh says that to me sometimes, but in his defence I am unreasonable sometimes, as I do worry A LOT, about the dc's , and I am very emotional (soppy cow ) , but at the end if the day, he will sometimes admit he should've been more thoughtful, and in turn I will admit that I should know he isn't a mindreader.

In this case though, even as an outsider, I really don't think he should've gone out. It sounds like night times are hard enough to deal with, without a distressed and hurt dd. Maybe, once he's thought about it, he'll realise you're justified in being upset. And I don't know anyone that hasn't said something in anger/frustration, so don't beat yourself up about it, maybe it needed to be said, and if it didn't, at least you can talk about it and clear the air when he gets home.

Hattifattner- very funny....

YABU to not have taken her to A&E straight after the accident.

YABU. Yes the ironing comment was s bit harsh, but you've said you don't mind ironing his shirts. Your 17 month old falling of the trampoline was an accident.
If you wanted him to stay home then you should have asked him to . When he went out your DD seemed fine.

I can't make head not tail of what you're getting at in your post but:

saying you no longer seem like the man I married and are turning into a self obsessed middle aged twit! to your DH is about as accpetable as him telling you you're not the woman he married and are a frumpy old housewife.

He is unreasonable to not be grateful that you saved him some time by ironing his shirt.

He is also unreasonable at having left your elder DD and her friend waiting for such a long time after dark, even if they ARE 17.

The younger DD I would have taken to A&E straightaway, regardless of whether she looked okay, pupils same size, etc as you DID NOT KNOW exactly how she had fallen. Things could have got very very serious quite quickly.

A1980 is know it was harsh and have apologised however frumpy is nothing like what I was trying to say. My point is that he has has become too interested in how he looks, yes, slightly obsessive. The shirt issue is all part of the bigger picture and why I snapped over his behavior.
DDis fine she had a bad 48hrs with her reflux due to the shock/stress I think. My DM is a retired nurse, she came over and sat with us, observed her for some time, I trust her judgement and professional opinion.

There is only 1 issue here, ie sorting DD out.

All the rest is normal family missed communication stuff, tolerance and forgiveness are such underused concepts these days I find.

Jesus christ, that post sounds like something my rambling great auntie Dorothy would write !

YABU to say something like that as someone is leaving, when there is no chance to discuss it.

Glad your DD was ok after the fall, and it sounds like you did a great job looking after her. If something like this happens again I would go to A&E, unequal/non-reactive pupils are a late sign of brain injury and wouldn't always be present straight away.

My first response was to want to take her to A&E. DH said I was overreacting and being dramatic, she was fine if not a bit shaken up.
Had i have been on my own i would have taken her, but TBH rather than cause a huge fuss and trouble i asked my mum, a retired nurse with years of A&E experience under her belt to come and sit with us and check her over.
Not what my gut reaction wanted but was the right answer in the end, she was/is fine, just a reflux flare up.

Glad you had your mum there, she will have known all the other subtle signs to look for. Your DH should have been more supportive though.

My husband would have gone out. Not because he doesn't care, but because he wouldn't see the point of not going out since I would be home anyway to deal with things if necessary.

A poorly child doesn't require two adults to look after them, really. You had already decided not to go to A&E. You had your mother over too.

Your only mistake really telling him to go, if you really wanted him to stay. The fact you did makes your resenting the fact he went a little unfair.