to have said this to DH this morning as he left for work?

[paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife]

you no longer seem like the man I married and are turning into a self obsessed middle aged twit!

He asked to me iron his shirt for him this morning (I haven't a problem with that at all), but then followed up by saying as you do it so well and never leave any creases. That was with reference to yesterday when i did one and he said he was going to do it again as there was still a crease. I couldn't see it till I looked very closely, you know sometimes you get what I call a shadow crease, so feint you can hardly see it, the residue from a really tough crease. He'd have had deeper ones from sitting in the car by the time he got to work. At that point I told him he had issues about looking so pristine, maybe a tad OCD about his appearance.
TBH that spurred me on to my opening comment after his behavior last night. He was due to go out and meet 2 friends, he's known them since they all went to school together, for golf and some drinks.
About an hour and a half before he was due to go he was playing with DC's in the garden. I was doing tea, having some time out from DC's. His mum turned up to drop off some ironing that she's kindly done for us (she is lovely.) Dh forgot youngest DD (17m) was on the trampoline (with side netting of course) and came in to see his mum for a few minutes. The other DC's followed.
I suddenly realised DD3 was not with him and asked where she was, just then heard an ear splitting scream from the back garden. DD1 and I rushed out to find her in a heap on the floor next to trampoline with a bruise/graze, slight swelling on her head. She'd fallen approx 2ft but we don't know whether she toppled forward and landed head first or hit the ground in any other way and then hit her head. Some grass some paving slabs, again not sure where she hit?
She was very distressed for quite some time not even wanting her fave blueberries for at least an hour. I was in two minds wheteher or not to take her to A&E. DH said she was fine and I was overeacting. My mum was happy to come over and watch the other DC's. DH then said I suppose i should cancel tonight? A question not a statement. I knew he'd whine about missing his night out if they gave her the all clear so told him to go I'd let him know how she was later.
Mum came round and she began to perk up a bit, even giggled and DS's crazy antics and she was looking tired. We checked her eyes for any signs of obvious brain injury and they seemed fine, so i gave her her regular meds for severe reflux but not her sedative as i didn't want her too drowsy so i could keep an eye on her. (Without it she's normally awake and screaming for hours by about 1am, doctor prescribed as well.) Text DH to say this was plan.
Gave her a lovely cuddle and BF to sleep very easily, she was exhausted, could her her refluxing though, the stress seemed to have made it worse.
Within 1/2hr she was awake and crying, took her into my dark bedroom and cuddled her, but very stressy, dozing then hysterical crying in cycles. Text DH at 10pm to say was taking her back downstairs as she was very unhappy.
TBH I though at this point he might have decided to come home, he had to pick up DD1 (17) and her friend en route but they were just waiting around for him anyway, had finished their meal out and were wondering round taking photographs (A level courses.)
Called mum back round at 10.30, not sure whether to take her up to A&E again. She calmed a bit but still v unsettled. In the end I rang A&E, explained all, they eventually we agreed give her normal sedative but sleep her next to me in bedside cot rather than in own room, and keep checking her through the night.
DH eventually arrived home at 12.10. Said he'd left where they were at 10.45, dropped mate off, collected girls then come home. Timings do seem about right.
I wouldn't have gone out last night at all, but it would have been my decision based on my feelings for DC's and I wouldn't have worried about not seeing friends under these circumstances, and i certainly wouldn't have hung around another 45m when i had a long journey home if DH was struggling in this situation.

OK, maybe I should have posted, Supported me when he knew I was worried and our DD can be very difficult due to her health issues and temprement, without fear of him resenting me for not going out.
And I too don't mind ironing and don't find it subservient. I like to send him out looking smart, but i like to be appreciated for the things I do too.

You don't know that he would have resented you. You assumed that he would. That doesn't say much for him really.

I never get why any woman who irons her DH/P's shirt is babying him/ subserviant etc? I used to do the ironing DP did other housework. It wasn't split my mess/ his mess. YANBU to be royally pissed off he complained though and would make it clear he can do the ironing in future if thats his attitude.

YABU about him going out. You kept him updated, he also picked up DD1 so it wasn't all about him. If you had said stay or come home and he didn't then you would have cause for complaint.

YANBU and while it was an accident as your dh didn't push your baby off the trampoline, it was avoidable as she shouldn't have been left alone. My DH wouldn't have gone out in that situation.

YANBU-Accidents do happen but it wasn't an accident in my book. He left a 17mo on a trampoline - that's U in the extreme. She then had a nasty fall and he was questioning whether he should go out!?! His first question should be (and to himself I might add) 'what can I do to soothe my hysterical DD, who is upset because I neglected to ensure she was safe'.

I agree you could've been more assertive and you should address that. Honestly though he is a man, a father, he should step up. TWIT!

Yes but Nagoo, what can your kid do for me?

It's not subservient to iron a shirt. But it is unacceptable to continue to do it, if your partner isn't appreciative and, in fact, criticises how well it has been ironed.

The answer to that in my house would be 'do it yourself then'. There are some people who will walk all over you if you let them. Criticising you when you have done them a favour and continuing to do that favour, is the start of allowing someone to walk all over you.

I think there is truth in the idea that many people will behave selfishly if they can get away with it, I hope I never accept as a fact of life, my husband prioritising himself over what is good for me/the family. A man may have that inclination (and there are plenty of selfish women too), but it is up to his partner to put her foot down and say that is not on.

Most mothers here probably wouldn't have gone out. Yet there seems to be an acceptance that it is okay for the man to. It gets stated quite frequently that dads are as important as mums, but why do so many women expect less from them than they would do themselves as a parent? Are we really saying that unless you explicitly state that he shouldn't go out, he can't be expected to have any sensitivity to the situation and decide for himself that going out isn't appropriate?

Or are we saying that it's okay to know you shouldn't go out, but be selfish and do it anyway because your partner hasn't explicitly told you not to.

All I know is that if my child had a potential head injury, going out wouldn't even occur to me and I think there's something wrong in a parent who thinks otherwise.

The thing that stood out to me most from your post was that you normally give your 17 month old daugther a sedative to sleep.

Why would a child so young need sleeping tablets, and if you didn't give her them when she injured her head and she did sleep, I would be worried that she didn't need them.

Surely she is too young to have been diagnosed as having SN, so I can't see how it could be a good thing to give such a young child sedatives on a regular basis.

moondog hmmm. He's pretty good with a duster? And he can organise your lego?

The OP's DH had assessed his child as 'fine'. We have no way of knowing if the OP was overeacting or if the dad was being lax.

OP, I don't think you're being hugely unreasonable, but as others have said, you need to be way more direct with your DH.

You should tell him what you need and want, eg, when he left to go out you should have said, please come home by 10 so you can help out with DD if she's not settling well; and you should also pull him up pretty sharply on things like criticising your ironing - I usually find a long pause and sharp look tends to do the trick.

I sympathise because my DP sounds very similar to yours, but I have learned over (many) years to not let shitty behaviour go unchecked and to spell out to him what I want him to do, not hope that he will mind-read/ask.

Hope you have a better day today and that your DD is fine, that must have been a nasty shock, she's only little.

I've just had to apologize to DD1's friends for our daughters wondering the streets till 11.30. DD text DH at 10 to ask when being picked up, he replied are you ok for a little while longer. Didn't leave for almost an hour.

Friend's mother sorry.

pip - OP said DD has severe reflux and sedative is Dr prescribed. additionally she didn't give the sedative and DD was awake straight after going to sleep and hysterical.

He is being an utter child - I don't blame you for being upset. I would stop playing the game to be honest. It does sound like you are mothering him. Why did you apologise? I would have said that I didn't understand the discrepancy in times and would get H to call her. Equally when he asked if he should still go out. i would have left it to him to make the decision. Let him be an unchecked adult and suffer the consequences of that.

dome acid reflux can be so severe as to need sedatives to sleep?
I did read that it was prescribed, it just made me at so young a child having sleeping tablets.

I knew someone would pick up on the sedative. She gas major sleep disturbance issues. Will wake numerous times and scream for a long time, cannot self settle at all. She has severe reflux, food intollerances, lowish muscle tone and hypermobile joints, under care of paediatrician for long term observation ATM.

my husband once told me I had not ironed his shirt properly.

For the next 12 years, he had to do his own ironing. Even now, I only do them occasionally, and then he is suitably grateful.

Wow, I feel sorry for your OP, must be bad to give sleeping tablets. Does the paeddiatrician think that giving them to her so young will mean that she will need them when she is older?

I only ask and was interested as my cousin was prescribed sleeping tablets when she was 18months as she had some ear problems and now she has had sleep/sleeping tablet problems in her adult life.

Nagoo probably a bit of both. I do have a tendency to worry and err on the side of caution with my DC's. But with a head injury I feel justified in worrying tbh.

She has an antihistamine based sedative, and to be honest we don't know anything long term, just that it was untenable as it was.

I don't think yabu at all. It sounds like you were just hoping your dh would decide for himself that he should stay home, without being asked.

Which he should of btw

hiccy, yes. And now fed up with his self righteous indignation on the whole situation.

Tell him to snap out of it or bugger off.

If you wanted your DH to stay at home then you should have asked, however a decent bloke wouldn't have gone in those circumstances.

So YAbothBU