Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to refuse to look after this little boy tomorrow?

75 replies

maledetta · 16/09/2011 20:48

I feel like a total cow right now. Basically, my friend has a(male) housemate. Said housemate is separated and has a son.Last week we had a very rare evening out- three of us, all single mums, left our children asleep at her house, with the housemate babysitting- for about 3 hours. He had to be coaxed to babysit, and only agreed to do so when my friend promised- without asking us- that we would babysit his son- in the daytime- once each.

I felt I had to go along with this, but didn't think it fair. So I just hoped the whole thing would just get quietly forgotten.

Unfortunately, the man in question has now found himself caring for his son most of the time (the boy's mum is having some problems). He texted me earlier asking me to look after him all day tomorrow.

Well, I have not been feeling too great mentally. Anxiety, depression, insomnia. Struggling to hold it together. Things have been pretty stressful lately, and I was looking forward to a quiet day pottering around w/ DS tomorrow. DS is 18 months and his son is 7- a lovely boy, but I thought- "God, there goes my peace when DS has his nap, we'll have to get out of the house and Do Some Activities- I don't even know what to do with older kids!"

So I'm afraid I lied and said I'm ill. I would have loved to help this bloke out, but I just don't feel I have any spare capacity. AIBU?

OP posts:

ExpensivePants · 17/09/2011 08:00

Can you link to the op you've just read please because it's obviously not the same one everyone else has read.

iscream · 17/09/2011 08:03

I am not saying anything bad to or about OP at all. Just letting her know it probably won't be the difficult chore she is dreading. It is harder to watch a toddler like she has, and perhaps she has no idea 7 year olds are no trouble really.

michelleseashell · 17/09/2011 08:07

I've just read this one, thanks. I assume since you can type you can also read so I'll leave it for you to find the bits about being lazy and an attention seeker. They're not subtly made points so it shouldn't tax you too much.

Making a woman with a broken leg look after a seven year old rather than wait until she's got the use of both legs? Are you chronically unsympathetic or is this just a bad day for you?

BigHairyGruffalo · 17/09/2011 08:17

I think the point is, if she knew that she would have difficulty looking after the boy then she shouldn't have entered a reciprocal agreement.

saladsandwich · 17/09/2011 08:23

OP take the 7 yr old in for a day, my lad would love a 7yr old play mate for the day and generally they take care of themselves, they love being helpful too at that age. you dont need to leave the house and plan a whole day of events

michelleseashell · 17/09/2011 08:27

I don't see where she's said that she thought she'd have a good wheeze and palm her kid off on to a random guy with any old false promise she could think of only to then bullshit coming down with anxiety and insomnia so she can get out of it and enjoy a bit of woe is me time too.

ExpensivePants · 17/09/2011 08:27

Dear me Michelle. I think you ought to go back to bed for a while, you're obviously a little bit tired. Have a coffee and then come back and talk when you can converse like a grown up and not a stroppy teenager.

PublicHair · 17/09/2011 08:37

i said i hoped she was joking, as the main thought here does not seem to be about her kid, at all.
i said i hoped she was making this up for attention or something as frankly, it sounds pretty shitty to just ditch your kid on anyone so she can go out with the girls.
what was the op planning to do if her mate hadn't managed to palm 3 kids off on someone who patently didn't want them please. did she have a contingency plan.

michelle,

TeddyBare · 17/09/2011 08:38

YANBU. I know lots of people have said that looking after a 7 year old is easy, but even if that's right it's still asking too much. Did he know that your friend had offered you to babysit without asking you? I think he was a bit cheeky to expect 3 whole days of free babysitting when he only did 9 hours (3 dc x 3 hours). Even if you were babysitting for him, texting on the day is just rude. I would probably offer to do a couple of hours one evening and tell him you need a couple of days warning. Also your friend should never have offered without checking with you in advance.

Ignore the people who are being rude about mh ishoos.

sunshineandbooks · 17/09/2011 08:40

My sympathy is with the OP and I think the housemate is a little bit of a chancer TBH. He did 3 hours of babysitting and in return wants 3 separate full days?

Granted it wasn't very bright of the OP to leave her child with someone who was reluctant at the time, but I suspect it was all very spontaneous and with the OPs other two friends pressuring for it anyway OP probably just went along with it thinking what would be the point of her missing out on a much-needed night out when her two friends were going to go and leave their DC with the housemate anyway. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and all that.

Really the problem is the OP's friend volunteering the OPs reciprocal babysitting services without asking her first. That would have been the best time to say "sorry, I don't want to do that" and then not go out that evening as a result but not many people would have the ability to say that when put on the spot like the OP.

This is just one of those things where no one is really being unreasonable but the situation has still become awkward. There's been a lot of assumptions/poor choices made here through a combination of lack of thought and circumstances, but no one has really done anything heinous.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable under the circumstances. SHe has some MH issues. I'm sure that no one would want someone they felt couldn't cope looking after their child all day.

OP I'm sorry you feel trapped between a rock and a hard place here. In your shoes I would see if it will quietly drop and if he asks again maybe say you have a medical condition that means you tire very easily so you cannot take his son for more than 3 hours - then you've fulfilled your original obligation.

michelleseashell · 17/09/2011 08:46

Yes I am tired. I haven't slept all week. I also have insomnia and it isn't a pretend illness that people pull out of the hat when it's convenient. You didn't stop to think about who else you might offend did you though?

FellatioNelson · 17/09/2011 08:48

Personally I think having a 7 year old in the daytime is a doddle compared to having an 18 month old as well as several other (presumably quite young) children for the evening, with bedtime etc, so I think YABVU. You did a deal. Suck it up.

PublicHair · 17/09/2011 09:03

don't be absurd.
I am certainly not having a go at anyone with mental health problems.
don't play that card. it's disingenuous and not what's being said.

ragged · 17/09/2011 09:06

OP being totally U (speaking as a chronic insomniac myself, but if you really can't have the boy then offer to pay for a professional babysitter for the housemate at his convenience (3-4 hours worth). That would be fair swap, and presumably what you would have paid out had he not been nice enough to help you out.

If you must renege at all, I agree with FabbyChic (faints in astonishment). Offer to have him half a day, just not all day.

NinkyNonker · 17/09/2011 09:13

Op, I don't think Yabu to say no to tomorrow as it is short notice regardless of your circs. However definitely unreasonable to leave your baby (18 mo is still a baby imo) with a man you barely know who had to be coerced into doing it. How much do you know about him? How good is he with children? Does your baby know him and feel happy with him? V unreasonable.

michelleseashell · 17/09/2011 09:20

Well you are having a go at someone with mental health problems but I'm relieved to hear that you at least think you're not.

I haven't slept all week. I feel absolutely terrible. I couldn't cope with a seven year old boy I've never met before. It's pretty awful to read that people think that's attention seeking. If only I could look after a seven year old today. I'm quite sure the OP would happily swap feeling wretched at the cost of looking after the little boy but mental health issues can't be turned on and off.

Proudnscary · 17/09/2011 09:23

As others said YABU for leaving your dc with a reluctant babysitter who you don't know well.

YANBU to not want to look after someone else's son when you are seriously struggling - no matter what you did or didn't promise earlier.

TheProvincialLady · 17/09/2011 09:25

The man struck a hard bargain but you agreed to it (you were mad to IMO but there you have it). If you know you hve MH issues that would make it difficult for you to look after a 7 year old boy for the day then you should not have agreed to his terms. You are obliged to do the childcare now (but not at short notice - agree a time). Next time you should consider whether the deal is worth it, and also whether you are leaving your child with a suitable carer.

PublicHair · 17/09/2011 09:27

michelle, are people with MH issues beyond reproach in every way then. given it's not the MH issue people are focussing on.

just so i know for future reference. do not make this something it is not.

moondog · 17/09/2011 09:28

The whole set up sounds very odd to me.From the perspective of both people and the issue of kids being fobbed off onto people unwilling to look after them.

How one could get on with things, let along go out on the town, knowing this is beyond me.

cricketballs · 17/09/2011 09:30

you had your part of the deal and now want out of it - YABVU. It all sounds like poor me I'll take, take, take but not give back.
In terms of the time factor, maybe the bloke has an emergency/called into work and therefore didn't know that he would need a babysitter for the next day

MigratingCoconuts · 17/09/2011 09:34

I expect the poor bloke is beginning to realise he was suckered.....

mynewpassion · 17/09/2011 10:47

michelle, what about the guy who had to babysit 3 kids, two whom he probably never met with one being an 18 month-old? Do you have sympathy for him?

The OP's squelching on the deal. She lied about being ill and then didn't even offer another time.

pippilongsmurfing · 17/09/2011 10:52

You used him for favours on the undertanding you would return said favour so YADBU if you do not return it.

If you feel like a whole day is too much, and I can understand that as he only did 3 hours for you, then offer a morning or afternoon.

To lie and claim illness is a bit off really. That is why when people are genuinley ill they are not believed!

UndercoverWorker · 17/09/2011 11:20

Michelle, you know nothing about the mental health history of the people posting the replies either. It cuts both ways you know. As PublicHair said, people with MH issues are not immune from being twits.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread