to think that this is creepy?

[StickThemWithThePointyEnd]

I was just outside in the garden, enjoying the sun having a sneaky fag and noticed the top of my neighbour's head sticking out over our separation fence. he was just standing there, looking at me, about two feet away. His nose was touching the fence.
I felt unnerved so I said hi. he says 'nice weather, isn't it.'. Yes.
silence.
He continues to stand there and look at me.
A couple of minutes pass, which I spent walking around my not very large garden.
He is still staring.
I go inside, and when I look out of the window he is gone.

There is a guy like this in the Oxford reading tree books with Biff,Chip and Kipper. In most books their neighbour is peering over the fence.

I wonder if he was up to any of these things too?!

Maybe his wife was trying to remove his penis from the fence and he did not want to embarrass her, so stared at you in a creepy fashion instead.

There was a bit of heavy breathing but after a moment's thought of 'I hope he isn't polishing his purple horn in my direction' I put it down to just his normal breathing.

Their animal nouse repertoire includes horses and goats as well as cows..

So that is where the holes in the fence come from

He once jumpstarted our car with one of those ancient plug in things... that is the only actual bit of interaction i've had with him.

Yeah Geraldine cos removing your husbands nob from the fence when it had got stock after an al fresco wee wasn't embarrassing enough for Creepys Dw

Flowerista, I for one would be touched if my DP could be that thoughtful of my feelings if he had his wanger trapped twixt the Ronsealed panels of my neighbours boundary. :o

People are so dull with their animal sex noises. Why no dolphin noises or dinosaur roaring ones?

I am not sure how I would feel if I caught my husband attached to the fence by his nether parts.

You'd be ringing up everyone you know to come round and laugh wouldn't you StickThem?

I bloody would, the pictures would be posted on the net within minutes

Very creepy.

Pagwatch, I'm not sure I'll like where you're going with this...

Can you sneak into his garden and look for up the fence spunkage?

But no, weird behaviour.

You need a well placed plant or something......!

Yes. You're right.

Geraldine I bet old Stick didn't think her Ronsealed Boundary was the root of Creepy's problem. What say you Stick do you brush or spray?

This reminds me of the time my neighbours frightened me whilst staring at me over theCorby trouser press in their spare room (I discovered the trouser press whilst witnessing an undisclosed document in their home). They made me sit on the bed and both stood next to me while offering me a glass of 'sherry'. Poor op, believe me, i understand the meaning of creepy neighbours.

And Queen exactly how do you see that field trip playing out exactly. Imagines OP in forensic suit with magnifying glass and little plastic pots. And getting caught...

The type of man that pleasures himself in a knothole is not the sort of fellow who shies away from amateur csi investigators i'll be bound.

OP I have only two words of advice Estate Agent. Plus put Geraldines post code on you to avoid list even if it's in the catchment of the countries top performing school.

I don't know about fences, but my DH once , after leaning against the side of the swimming pool in a nonchalant way, got his arm trapped in the overflow trench thing. I was ill with laughter.

this is brilliant.

and yet worrying.

LOL at pleasuring himself in a knothole

:o Milly

this is funny maybe his wife was giving him head or his dogs where licking his balls.

this would creep me out, but would have asked him if he was ok? or something.

If I were you I would rub deep heat or somesuch in all the holes in my panelling, that would put paid to his fence frotting shenanigans and would alert you to him doing it next time he's staring at you.

ha ha, please put this in the classics!

Maybe he has a wood fetish?

Or shoepolish, like that trick with telescopes, except he'd have a shoepolished protruberance.