Hmm PFB, birthday and being on a school trip, opinions required on this one.

[Fimbo]

If I am being unreasonable then I am willing to be told so (before we start!).

A mum I know from the school gates is beside herself because her pfb who is 12 has gone on a school residential trip for 2 days/3nights and it's her birthday inbetween. She is positively maudlin about it. She even told her dd how sad she would be. Now she is moping around on facebook with random status updates about how awful it all is.

My perspective of it would be, ok my dd is not going to be here on her birthday and that's disappointing but she will be having a fantastic time with her mates and we will do lots of celebrating at the weekend and have a birthday party etc. This woman's dd is very popular amongst her peers, so thankfully will probably not be wallowing like her mother.

What would your take on it be?

Sorry it's 3 days, 2 nights.

She needs to man the hell up

MY take is that it is not the job of a parent to project their own insecurities, sentimentality etc on their children. If it was my dd I would first have made sure that she wanted to go and then planned the birthday celebrations for the weekend after- problem solved.

But I don't thinlk you'd better tell her this

Anyone who is old enough to read a calendar (and so know when their birthday is) is old enough to understand that sometimes we celebrate birthdays on nearby convenient days, not on the actual day.

Actually I'm not clear, is it the child's birthday or the mother's?

I would be quite upset about if I didn't see my babies on their birthday. I'm not that chuffed they have to go to school on their birthday tbh.

I know IAB a bit U though.

I think she is being way over the top and attention seeking.

Oh is it the mothers birthday? I thought it was the girl's. In the case YANBU

Yanbu. That's a tad pathetic!

I was in another country on a guide holiday on my 12th birthday. I had a great time, my mum sent me a card and gave me my present when I got back. I'm sure she wasn't at all maudlin! If she was she certainly didn't let on.

And I am her pfb.

Guilt-tripping your children is hideous.

Nothing like trying to make your child guilty to cheer you up....

'school gate mum' ??? to a 12yo???? jeez!

Sorry it is the child's birthday. She has also provided 70+ cupcakes as a substitue birthday cake, she wouldn't let her dd take them into school incase they got lost and never made it on the bus, she personally went to the staff room and handed them to the teacher. I think she had a bit of a fight with the school about that as there are kids with egg allergys etc.

She's being very silly, and unfair to her child.

DDs would have killed me if I'd behaved like that.

Sorry she has a younger child who is at school with mine, that's why we are at the school gates.

dear lord

poor kid

Telling her dd she'll be sad is really selfish. Maybe she can't help how she feels but she can help making the poor kid feel bad about it.

It is not only about whose birthday it is- did you notice, folks, that this woman's dd is 12 years old. She is in secondary school, she is beginning to have a social life of her own, soon she may have a boyfriend, in 6 years time she may well be leaving home to go uni. This woman needs to get her act together.

She has also provided 70+ cupcakes as a substitue birthday cake, she wouldn't let her dd take them into school incase they got lost and never made it on the bus, she personally went to the staff room and handed them to the teacher. I think she had a bit of a fight with the school about that as there are kids with egg allergys etc

Oh god lord, poor kid

The child will probably have the best birthday ever!! thats what the mum is bothered about, she's jealous. Any chance she may just get in the car and go to see her dd??

The poor DD! The silver lining is that she will, of course, have a fantastic birthday with her pals, despite her mother's best efforts.

Hate to think how maudlin and wallowing Mommie Dearest's FB updates will become when she realises this (or am I crediting her with too much self-awareness?).

Leave her to get on with it.

I always happily waved mine off and refused to do any worrying about anything, regardless of how other mums tried to tell me that i should.

It's nice to have different things to talk about when you see each other again.

One of my Guides turned 12 at camp last weekend - we spread out the birthday fun over the whole day. She woke up to balloons and banners on her Patrol's tent followed by a big badge, present and cake in the evening. All of the girls got party bags and we put light up balloons on her tent for when they came back from the campfire (where the whole camp - 250 people - sang happy birthday to her) in the dark - she's super shy but she loved it! We sent her mum a text with a photo of her next to her decorated tent and if she'd wanted to speak to her mum she could have used my phone. Both her and her parents have thanked us for a birthday she'll never forget :)