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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at DH attitude

78 replies

gluttom · 16/09/2011 03:59

We bought a second hand mpv a month ago as expecting dc3 - it needed 2 new tyres and DH didn't want to pay kwik fit prices so was on about getting remoulds (?) I'm not clued up about cars/tyres. He hasn't done anything about it despite me reminding him several times and I have been driving around in the car as we live up the top of a steep hill and am 39 weeks pregnant with ds1 3 and ds2 2. So fast forward to today and I have a mw appointment and park on road outside. When I left I didn't realise front wheel was on kerb so came down heavy on it as pulled away and it blew. Drove a little way but could smell burning and so pulled over and rang DH who couldn't talk
as very busy. It was getting on by this point - 500pm and had to be at nursery to get kids at 6. I have aa cover but wouldn't have got to nursery on time if I waited for them and was in a bit of a panic as we live 2 miles from nursery
and ds2 would not have been able to walk home and would have been a struggle for me enough. Rang DH to ask him to
leave ASAP so we could so he could get train to nursery and meet me and help me walk home with kids (shoulder carry ds2) and then go and look at car. He said no ring x - (his friend) he will help. Tried to ring x but no answer (DH always tells me to ring x if i want anything as he works more locally and has no dp or kids but I think DH takes advantage of x) Anyway I abandon car and walk to nursery crying and suddenly remember my friend lives near nursery and will lend me her buggy so stop on way. Get kids and start walking home when x rings in flap worrying that I am labour - explain situation and he picks me and kids up and takes us home. He then goes to car to look at wheel. (there is no spare just a new fangled electric glue repair kit). He wasn't able to fix it but comes back round to play with kids as they were disappointed at his brief visit. DH still not home - no word from him.

Kids in bed - 815 he rings - leaving work now all ok???? Can hardly speak to him. He gets in at 9 - normal time is 7 saying he has had shit day etc. Talk about car and shout about him not sorting it out - tells me that I should have sorted it too - I sort everything - bills, housework, washing, food and work - I believe the car to be his remit. Ask what will do about abandoned car - someone needs to walk there and wait with it for aa man to tow it to kwik fit to get expensive tyres - no choice for fucking remoulds now. He said it will have to wait until Saturday now. I can't do it by myself as kids not at nursery tomorrow and he won't take couple of hours from work in morning as "too busy". So now we gave no method of transport to hospital if I go into labour tomorrow or tomorrow night. I think he has been an idiot but he doesn't. Can't sleep as so angry. Probably Abu as hormonal though.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 16/09/2011 10:52

But SHE has been driving the car whilst it is dangerous, taking kids in it whilst 39 weeks pregnant is irresponsible.

FabbyChic · 16/09/2011 10:52

Oh and she has all week to get it done and he only has weekends, do the maths.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 16/09/2011 10:55

Fabby because he said he would do it.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 16/09/2011 10:56

Fabby because he said he would do it.

SheCutOffTheirTails That WAS pretty sexist wasn't it! Shock

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 16/09/2011 10:58

Fabbychic You drive it more than him whilst he works . . .

Ooh! probably shouldn't go there!

Although I must say that being a mum of 2 with another due any day is a piece of piss compared to being at work - NOT!

What's with the sexist shit on here?

M0naLisa · 16/09/2011 11:00

Are you the main driver? If so It wouldnt have taken more than 10 mins in a garage for tyres to get prices and sizes. When we had a car wirh a dodgy exhaust i could have refused to get It sorted but no I took it to local motorsave garage. Hour later all fixed. As you main driver its your responsibilty too. So yabu to blame your dh.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 16/09/2011 11:00

FabbyChic But SHE has been driving the car whilst it is dangerous, taking kids in it whilst 39 weeks pregnant is irresponsible.

As is not sorting out the car when you said you would and when you know your wife needs it. I've always found you to have strange ideas about men and womens roles.

eaglewings · 16/09/2011 11:02

Her first day of maternity leave = she is a working mum so how come she has all week to get it sorted
Tyres were not illegal they had passed MOT less than 2 months before. Dh knew she would be driving it with kids in with gyres that needed changing soon. This makes him equally responsible morally if not in the eyes of the law
Dh wanted remoulds. OP admits she did not know enough about them to make a decision.
She is 39 weeks pregnant......

Original poster
gluttom · 16/09/2011 11:04

notherdaynotherdollar Not worth arguing with you, I bow to your supriority. I am not feeling very independent hardly being able to walk very far - so obviously i'm not independent. I never said the car tyre was illegal - not sure where that was said- I said the tyre did need replacing but was road worthy as passed MOT - DH's friend who is into cars pointed out need for new tyres especially for winter. The car has been towed to kwik fit and the tyre was not illegal - i caused new damage to it bumping it off the kerb. We are now getting 2 new tyres. It is not illegal not to have spare tyre in boot as a repair kit is provided in new cars and other new cars have run flat tyres. I wish I was super woman like the rest of you - you must all be very smug and proud of yourselves.

OP posts:
M0naLisa · 16/09/2011 11:05

It's not as If your dh was put getting pissed up. he was at work.

Original poster
gluttom · 16/09/2011 11:09

I have not had all week to sort it out - I work - i have been working as hard as i normally would in my job a nurse on a busy ward. I live in the real world too you know but i am not as good as you ladies that is for sure.

OP posts:
WineAndPizza · 16/09/2011 11:10

She is not the main driver, they share it equally. She is not sitting on her arse all day while he works and she has all the time in the world to sort it - she also works, has just gone on mat leave and has two children to care for whilst she is heavily pregnant.

Yes, she could have sorted the car and OP maybe in future you will know not to rely on him to do what he says he will - but while you are doing all the housework and childcare I think it is totally fair to expect him to sort out the car. I know I would feel exactly the same as you. He has been a complete arse and you are getting a really hard time from some people. I really feel for you, hope you're doing ok but do try to (as someone else said) resolve this before the birth so that you can both focus on that x

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 16/09/2011 11:11

Hear hear gluttom! You forgot to add that as well as being pregnant you are also still responsible for "bills, housework, washing, food . . ." and probably getting ready for the new baby and anything else that comes up as well.

diddl · 16/09/2011 11:19

"You forgot to add that as well as being pregnant you are also still responsible for "bills, housework, washing, food . . ." and probably getting ready for the new baby and anything else that comes up as well."

Perhaps it´s time to turn some of it over to her husband, then?

ginnybag · 16/09/2011 11:20

OP, I would be making your DH eat those tyres for his dinner!

He needs an attitude readjustment, quick! His approach to you with all this is awful, because it all screams 'it's only gluttom, it doesn't matter'.

However, whilst I have every sympathy for you, please take this piece of advice. I was given it by my MD, who used to be a police officer and can tell horror stories about the aftermath of traffic accidents.

The tyres on your car are the single most important part. They are the ONLY part keeping you in touch with the ground. And they are cheap, wearable rubber. When they fail, people die. Don't let them fail.

If ever anyone ever tells you there is a problem with your tyres again, replace them. ASAP. And you DH refuses to do that, ask him why he thinks your safety and the safety of your kids can 'wait'.

On another note, please stop doing anything for your DH till he starts pulling his weight!

HowlingBitch · 16/09/2011 11:28

Christ on two bikes, Did you all have a big bowl of bitch flakes for breakfast?

OP has clearly stated that the car was roadworthy so lets stop harping on about that, The poor woman sounds as if she is at her wits end so I think the least we could do is tell her that her DH is a twat and offer up abit of sympathy.

Hello OP, Your DH is a twat, He should be abit more considerate about how you are feeling especially ATM. Being that so heavily pregnant feels shyte at the best of times but adding two toddlers, all that car stress into the mix and I think you deserve a bloody medal. I probably would of sat down on the kerb and refused to move in protest until my DP came to help out so well done you.

I think you should put your feet up and have a nice Brew

TOWISalford · 16/09/2011 11:32

Gluttom - ignore, ignore, ignore all these nasty women, you'd think none of them had ever been 39wks pregnant. Well I have a 3 month old DS so its quite fresh in my memory, and I have a 3yr old DD. I could barely manage to walk to the end of the road at 39wks so you managed really well to go 2miles with 2 little ones too.

Sounds like you have the car sorted now so thats good news. What I would do now is stock up on plenty of biscuits and chocolate, have a good old pamper (as much as you can with two smallies). Maybe your DH is stressing over the impending birth in his own way, mine was not very helpful in the last few weeks but is great now the baby is here. You need to focus on yourself and the baby now. Big un-MN hugs xxx

Original poster
gluttom · 16/09/2011 11:42

Thanks lovely ladies for your last posts - ashamed to admit that some of the other comment made real tears come but then I'm all over the place with my emotions - going to take a walk to the bakers for some cakes after lunch.

OP posts:
notherdaynotherdollar · 16/09/2011 11:44

lol at all these nasty horrid mean women

murmurs there there and strokes hair and puts all thoughts of being capable out of head

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 16/09/2011 11:51

Oh, do fuck off you patronising bitch Hmm

TOWISalford · 16/09/2011 11:52

Don't be ashamed, I was shocked myself at the responses. Cakes sounds like just the medicine. Good luck for the next few weeks. My dad says, "look after number one because no other bugger will"!

HowlingBitch · 16/09/2011 11:54

Even the most capable people need help every now and again.

I do have to wonder why people being sympathetic pisses you off so much nother?

mummytime · 16/09/2011 11:59

Here's a sneaky hug.
Crikey have half the women answering you had babies? Do they remember what you feel like at the end of pregnancy?
Look after yourself. Thank heavens you have good friends. Take all the help on offer, I still remember the nice Mum who gave me a lift 100 yards up the hill when I was expecting number 3.
Can you ask x or some male friend (or husband of a friend) to have a little chat with him.
What exactly is he going to do if you go into labour and there is something up at work?
Please sort this out, and ignore the nasty people.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 16/09/2011 13:35

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld Oh, do fuck off you patronising bitch Hmm

Who is that aimed at?!

nocake · 16/09/2011 13:44

Your DH needs a kick up the arse.

  • I wouldn't ever consider remoulds for the family car.
  • There are companies who will come out to you and fit new tyres, and they're often as cheap or cheaper than places like Kwit Fit. He should have called them the day you bought the car.
  • His attitude when you called him stinks. If DW had called me in the same position I'd have been moving heaven and earth to make sure she got help.
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