To be fuming at DH attitude

[gluttom]

We bought a second hand mpv a month ago as expecting dc3 - it needed 2 new tyres and DH didn't want to pay kwik fit prices so was on about getting remoulds (?) I'm not clued up about cars/tyres. He hasn't done anything about it despite me reminding him several times and I have been driving around in the car as we live up the top of a steep hill and am 39 weeks pregnant with ds1 3 and ds2 2. So fast forward to today and I have a mw appointment and park on road outside. When I left I didn't realise front wheel was on kerb so came down heavy on it as pulled away and it blew. Drove a little way but could smell burning and so pulled over and rang DH who couldn't talk
as very busy. It was getting on by this point - 500pm and had to be at nursery to get kids at 6. I have aa cover but wouldn't have got to nursery on time if I waited for them and was in a bit of a panic as we live 2 miles from nursery
and ds2 would not have been able to walk home and would have been a struggle for me enough. Rang DH to ask him to
leave ASAP so we could so he could get train to nursery and meet me and help me walk home with kids (shoulder carry ds2) and then go and look at car. He said no ring x - (his friend) he will help. Tried to ring x but no answer (DH always tells me to ring x if i want anything as he works more locally and has no dp or kids but I think DH takes advantage of x) Anyway I abandon car and walk to nursery crying and suddenly remember my friend lives near nursery and will lend me her buggy so stop on way. Get kids and start walking home when x rings in flap worrying that I am labour - explain situation and he picks me and kids up and takes us home. He then goes to car to look at wheel. (there is no spare just a new fangled electric glue repair kit). He wasn't able to fix it but comes back round to play with kids as they were disappointed at his brief visit. DH still not home - no word from him.

Kids in bed - 815 he rings - leaving work now all ok???? Can hardly speak to him. He gets in at 9 - normal time is 7 saying he has had shit day etc. Talk about car and shout about him not sorting it out - tells me that I should have sorted it too - I sort everything - bills, housework, washing, food and work - I believe the car to be his remit. Ask what will do about abandoned car - someone needs to walk there and wait with it for aa man to tow it to kwik fit to get expensive tyres - no choice for fucking remoulds now. He said it will have to wait until Saturday now. I can't do it by myself as kids not at nursery tomorrow and he won't take couple of hours from work in morning as "too busy". So now we gave no method of transport to hospital if I go into labour tomorrow or tomorrow night. I think he has been an idiot but he doesn't. Can't sleep as so angry. Probably Abu as hormonal though.

You need to sit down and talk to your dh about pulling his weight. If you're doing everything and you're gonna have 3 kids you're going to end up Ill or possibly close to killing him (I would be)
Glad car is getting sorted. Look after yourself ok. Hugs.

Plus I don't understand people saying dh is lazy so you need to sort it. Er no! Dh shod pull is weight. I feel angry on your behalf at your plonker of a man.

Blimey - sounds to me like OP has quite enough on her plate with little or no support so give it a rest with what she should have done or not done or tried to do and so on and on and on blah blah. I'm sure she's very well aware - maybe there just aren't enough hours in what sounds like a fraught day for her.
I feel for you OP and I also still run crying to my Dad!! Sorry you don't have that option.

There are just sometimes in life when you need a bit of tlc and to feel that someone will look after you if required, and 39 weeks pregnant is one of those times. Your dh didn't step up to the mark from your point of view, where his friend did.

Have you properly discussed how you feel with dh? If not then spell it out to him, but try to frame it in a more positive way "I feel xxxx and would like xxxx" rather than "you didn't do xxxx". If you don't resolve this with him somehow you are going to continue to feel resentment.

Sorry about your dad.

Yes very annoying for you - as for the tyres, it's not clear to me whether they were illegal or not. I got a flat tyre once turning too sharply into a kerb, tyres weren't illegal. (Baby in car, luckily for me a builder from a nearby site appeared out of nowhere and changed the wheel for me - in the days before these silly temporary tyre things).

Anyway, as for the hospital - wouldn't you just get a taxi anyway? Depends on your journey and the parking at your hospital I guess, but that's what we did both times, get dropped at the door, no hassle about parking or walking.

Thanks all input - am emotional wreck this am - hoping sign of labour but probably not. Car being taken now for new tyre/s - I broke the tyre kerbing it - original damage intact on opposite side of tyre. Still hate DH - don't want him near me labour ATM.

"She tried to get the tyres sorted, but was told not to by her DH, who then failed to do anything about them himself for a month."

But sometimes you have to go ahead & do things for yourself.

Also, by the sounds of things OP uses car in the week & her husband doesn´t?

Useless dh,lovely x (is he worth running off with?!)
Poor you! Being heavily pregnant with toddlers etc sounds like a handful. Yes,you shouldn't have driven it but lesson learned.
Hope you get chance to relax before you have the baby.

Try an independent tyre shop - prices more reasonable, better service etc than the big chains like Merityre, KwikFit, Selecta etc.

And please don't go for part worns - I've just been working on a big report about how dangerous they can be.

"Still hate DH - don't want him near me labour ATM."

Oh dear!

Is it really worth being that angry over?

No x is destined to be a bachelor - think it's what he wants but he is not easy on the eye and bad personal hygiene - lovely bloke though. DH use car just as much as me - we alternate drop if and pick ups- I have 50 jobs - he has the car- this isn't really that much about the tyre not getting changed more about how he couldn't give a fuck about me struggling home 2 miles with no buggy, 2 tired kids and never either rang to see if we got home ok.

Yes he has that self important face ATM - think there is trouble at work.

diddl if you hadn't clung onto fact that u am useless irresponsible woman(true) you would realise my anger is at his treatment of me after the tyre broke and coming home 2 hrs late to top it off

-" this isn't really that much about the tyre not getting changed more about how he couldn't give a fuck about me struggling home 2 miles with no buggy, 2 tired kids and never either rang to see if we got home ok."

Yes of course-and he could have said that he couldn´t sort the tyres & asked you to deal with it.

I feel so sorry for you, OP . Honestly, your postings have had me in tears for you. I can quite understand why you are so upset. You feel you have too much on your shoulders atm and your DH is not noticing or caring. You need to let him know very clearly how you are feeling - neglected and unloved. He will probably be shocked to discover that and hopefully will have a good look at his attitude. You are 39 weeks PG with 2 small DC and a job. OF COURSE you want to be able to hand a few jobs over the DH and be reasonably confident that he will do them. Even more importantly, you need to know that he will be there for you in times of crisis. It is not good for you or the new baby for you to be having this stress so, in the meantime, throw money at the problem - get your car fixed by one of those call out men, book the DC in for extra nursery sessions (or skip nursery and all lie in if that is easiest for you), and put your feet up for the next week. Good luck with the baby.

Seeing as you are so heavily pregnant your DH should have dealt with this.

You probably shouldn't have driven the are he also shouldn't have felt it was ok for you to do so and got his arse in gear and sorted the car out.

He sounds lazy really. I was shocked that he just left you there when you have a long walk with small children to get to nursery.

more about how he couldn't give a fuck about me struggling home 2 miles with no buggy, 2 tired kids and never either rang to see if we got home ok.

Now on that part of things I am with you 100%, he should have told you to get a taxi, I wouldn't have needed telling to be honest.

He should have left work, changed the tyre, or sorted it with the widget, got you home and made up the hours later. He is a selfish pig and I do know how that feels. I was decorating the nursery with what I thought was just over three weeks to go with no help and was stupid enough to do huge shops to fill up the freezer. He sat on his arse as I carried it in. I didn't realise that my surprise was about to come three weeks early and it is infuriating that they don't give a sh&t and let you struggle.

Poor you, sounds like a nightmare!

I thought all cars needed a spare tyre in the boot by law?

Anyway, yes it seems like your husband is being thoughtless and.. well.. a bit of a dick.

you are the driver, you are responsible for it

you have AA cover, they will normally make a special effort for lone women

You could have rang a taxi

You were driving illegally to have no spare and dodgy tyres, lucky you didnt get pulled over - that would have made your day even worse

Sorry, but you want to be an equal independent woman - you have to get on with it love instead of crying and whining :)

Many cars don't have a spare now, they have a special system to Re inflate the tyre so that you can slowly do 40 miles to buy a new one.

The OP did nothing illegal give her a break! Some on MN are super mums and think all should be. Being heavily pregnant is not a time to have people telling you you should do better

Rant over

Gluttom I can fully understand why you feel how you do. In a years time though you will look back at this and feel less hurt and anger. For the sake of your unborn child and your 2 other children, you may need to take the moral high ground and try and forgive him so that the birth of your baby can be a happy memory

Don't waste sleep at 3 o clock in the morning again

notherdaynotherdollar Sorry, but you want to be an equal independent woman - you have to get on with it love instead of crying and whining

That's a bit harsh (even if it was followed by a smiley). The DH said he would sort it out so why would the OP do it? You can still be an equal independent woman without insisting on doing everything yourself and allowing other people to take responsibility for some jobs. OP has already said that she does EVERYTHING (I sort everything - bills, housework, washing, food and work - I believe the car to be his remit.), she shouldn't have to do that to be considered independent and an equal. At the moment the DH isn't her equal at all in this way.

"Sorry, but you want to be an equal independent woman - you have to get on with it love instead of crying and whining"

Wow, you horrible fucking bitch.

She is MORE than equal in her household, she works AND she does ALL the housework and ALL the childcare.

How the fuck dare you speak to her in that nasty, sexist, dismissive tone?

Whilst I understand your anger, you were driving a vehicle that had dodgy tyres, the person who drives it the most surely is responsible for the safety of themselves and the children in it? You drive it more than him whilst he works, YOU should have gone somewhere and got the tyres changed.

Im amazed you think otherwise.

You can call tyre people out alongside the road who will change the tyre whilst you wait, cheaper than Kwikfit.

They drive the car an equal amount, she has already said that. Just because she is a woman doesn't mean she is a SAHM. She works, just like he does.

Anyway, it's irrelevant whether she should have got the car done herself, the questions is about whether she should be pissed off with her husband for failing to get this done, failing to care when not getting it done caused problems for his pregnant wife and two small children, and failing to do a pick of work around the house.

notherdaynotherdollar - do fuck off and go be a nasty bitch elsewhere.

Why should the OP do everything. She should be able to rely on her 'D'H at any time but especially when she's 9 weeks pregnant.

OP what does your H do other that provide money? You need to speak to him. Maybe you should point out to him that you're feeling so angry at, and let down by, him that you're considering not having him at the birth. Would that make him rethink his attitude?