To tell exp that he can now only see dd on weekends as agreed in court order....

[naughtyorouttacontrol]

The court order says that exp should have dd for one day per week saturday or sunday, which he agreed to.

That was a year ago. In that year he has seen dd very few times on the weekend certainly less then 10 possibly even lees then 5 days on the weekends. He does shift work and sometimes collects dd from childminder at 11 on his way back from a sleep in, as it seems to me he wants to keep his weekends free for himself. And if he has a day off in the week sometimes has dd.

He lets her down alot and makes promises that he doesnt keep. I feel that he sees dd when it suits him and is not committed. Then he is getting angery with me because I want him to be consistant.

DD has just started reception and I have told him that we now need to stick to the court order and he can see dd on the weekend. I also said if he wants he can have her for a sleepover on friday or saturday nights. To which he replied 'I am not your babysitter'. And has told me in the past he 'has a life' when I have asked him to see dd on weekends.

DD is only 4 and gets very tired after school and I really want to try to get her into a good routine. Also I would like to sometimes have time to myself on the weekends just as exp does so that I can do somethings I need to do like go to the gym etc.

So am I being unreasonable to say he cannot see her during the week?

I can confirm glitterkitten s assertion that courts do take proven DV seriously. As I said, dh finally was granted a contact order which was adhered to for a few years, not smoothly, we live in Scotland, ss in England, but it was contact. Then it stopped, ss refused to visit or his mum said she was bringing him and not turn up, and due to his age it was impossible to force the issue. DH was bereft but sent letters/emails/parcels. Nothing. Two years go by and we receive a call from exwife to warn us Child Protection Officers will contact us and asking us to lie that contact was ongoing. We refused.

It turned out our ss was on the CP Register as were his half siblings, due to her violence to her partner and kids. Violence was proven, police records, various 'incidents' witnessed in public/hospital, harm to kids and more. There followed lots of case meetings and court dates and she lost custody of her children to her new (now ex) partner and we wanted to take ss to live here but he by now felt like his mothers protector and was afraid to leave her. Due to his age, now 15, this was allowed. She had a fifth child by another man, not a partner, now. My stepson was not visiting for fear of us learning what his home life was like. My dh is devastated. We are reassured though that, when it had escalated, court took action.

It's not a happy outcome for anyone but it is safer.

I take your point Stewie, but it can be very easy to 'allege' emotional abuse and difficult to disprove.