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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to be fiercely territorial about my - clearly labelled - allocated parking bay outside my house?

124 replies

PygmyValkyrie · 15/09/2011 10:07

I've recently noticed that parents on the school run at the school opposite my house have begun to use my neighbours' parking bays as an overspill for the car park.

The first time it happened, I went out and had a word. The guy apologised but looked completely disinterested, then remained there to make a phone call and smoke a fag whilst eyeballing me through my kitchen window after I'd gone back in. My neighbour then came home to find the guy, finally, just leaving.

I've contacted the school, who said they'd send a text message (really? Is this what goes on these days?) to parents to remind them not to do this, but already I've seen it happen again. Doing what everybody always seems to do in this situations, I took a photograph. I am now the proud owner of a photograph of a stranger's car, that I have no idea what to do with.

I've emailed the council. I doubt they'll help, but I'm fuming and I've got to try something.

Is this the behaviour of a normal person, or am I losing it?

OP posts:
lesley33 · 15/09/2011 16:38

Buy a proper sign saying this is private property and cars could be clamped.

zookeeper · 15/09/2011 16:39

A friend of mine lets me park in her drive when I do the school run - she is never there as she worked long hours. I am amazed at the amount of neighbours it appears to bother. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Taking photos is, imo, really busybodyish.

Fimbo · 15/09/2011 16:45

Nope this would piss me off big time. I have big flower tubs outside my house to stop any old tom dick or harry parking their vehicles outside it. You need one of those lockable posts, which you can get on Ebay.

zookeeper · 15/09/2011 17:00

I really wouldn't mind people parking on my drive to drop off kids when I am not there! To the majority who would mind,would you all mind if you could guarantee they would not be there when you got back? Is it just the fact that they're parking on your property that is unnacceptable to you?

zookeeper · 15/09/2011 17:01

I really wouldn't mind people parking on my drive to drop off kids when I am not there! To the majority who would mind,would you all mind if you could guarantee they would not be there when you got back? Is it just the fact that they're parking on your property that is unnacceptable to you?

PGTip · 15/09/2011 17:02

It's not busybodyish, it's private property. Why do school run parents think it's ok to park anywhere there is a space even if it's on private property!

birdofparadise · 15/09/2011 17:19

I agree with Curryspice - it's really not worth getting all hot under the collar about people parking in your neighbour's bay for a few minutes. Incidentally, I am a cyclist myself so have no vested interest in drivers. I just think that life is too short to escalate petty meaningless matters (eg putting out wheelie bins) or upsetting people for no reason. It is better to end the day thinking you have made 2 or 3 people happier than to end the day feeling that you have upset others (even if you have some technically legally valid point). Also, perhaps your neighbours have given permission for these people to park and/or are chilled about it. I used to live in very central London, with a driveway, and actually a parent dropping off at nursery regularly used my driveway to park for a few minutes and it didn't kill me. I can imagine it is irritating at first blush but try not to sweat the small stuff, smile and help the world go round. You might make new friends.

Sidge · 15/09/2011 17:48

I understand you, PygmyValkyrie.

I live next door to an Infant School - as in, RIGHT next door and my driveway runs off the school drive. Many parents walk to school (small local school) and most that drive will park along the road - there is a whole unrestricted road with no driveways or lines that they can park along.

But occasionally, especially when it's raining, parents will park along the pavement of the school driveway, which means the children have to walk on the driveway as the pavement is blocked. It also narrows the school drive so I can hardly get through to get to my drive, and god knows how an emergency vehicle would get through.

When we first moved in I regularly had people parking on, or across, my driveway. It drove me batshit as I needed to get out to work at that time 3 days of the week.

So I Had Words with those parents as even though I didn't need to get out 2 days of the week I didn't want them to think my driveway was fair game to be used at their convenience. And it's not just a few minutes here and there, they park up and leave the car and many will pop in to the school office to pay the lunch money, or speak to the teacher, or stand in the playground and have a conflab with their friends.

I also asked the school to put it in their newsletter that my driveway, and the school drive, were not a car park for the parents' convenience and running late or rain weren't a reason to block my drive, or compromise their children's safety by parking on pavements. They wrote something very much to that effect!

I had very few problems after that.

birdofparadise · 16/09/2011 09:42

scaryteacher How do you think you made that woman and child feel when you blocked them into your driveway for however long it was? Not just inconvenienced but scared possibly? Intimidated? Threatened?

How did that make you feel?

Was it worth it?

Serious questions.

mercibucket · 16/09/2011 09:50

another vote for the lockable post idea, although I also like the pay and display carpark idea Smile

Blueberties · 16/09/2011 09:54

I wonder how scary felt? intimidated? threatened? scared by the abuse?

fanjobanjowanjo · 16/09/2011 09:58

I agree with Curryspice - it's really not worth getting all hot under the collar about people parking in your neighbour's bay for a few minutes. Incidentally, I am a cyclist myself so have no vested interest in drivers. I just think that life is too short to escalate petty meaningless matters (eg putting out wheelie bins) or upsetting people for no reason. It is better to end the day thinking you have made 2 or 3 people happier than to end the day feeling that you have upset others (even if you have some technically legally valid point). Also, perhaps your neighbours have given permission for these people to park and/or are chilled about it. I used to live in very central London, with a driveway, and actually a parent dropping off at nursery regularly used my driveway to park for a few minutes and it didn't kill me. I can imagine it is irritating at first blush but try not to sweat the small stuff, smile and help the world go round. You might make new friends.

You sounded sensible and nice and I was with you right up until the last sentence, which made you sound condescending.

trixymalixy · 16/09/2011 09:58

I'm quite shocked at the number of people who think the OP is BU. I take it you are the people that park selfishly and are just defending your own actions.

The OP has paid for allocated parking and is perfectly within her rights to expect it to be available for her and her DH to park in whenever they require.

YANBU. I would look into lockable posts.

Blueberties · 16/09/2011 10:07

The problem is, give an inch and people take a mile. If you allow people to park there when you're not using it, sooner or later you will come back with a boot full of shopping, a number of small children, in the pouring rain, and find yourself having to park a mile away because someone's parked there overnight.

She paid for it. It's hers. She doesn't have to allow anyone to use it. It's not being "nice". It would be being silly.

trixymalixy · 16/09/2011 10:08

So curryspice, imagine it's your space. You arrive home with a car full of shopping to drop off at home and are running a little tight for time to make it to an appointment. Some twat is parked in your space, you can't park anywhere near your house as it is school pick up time. You have the choice of parking miles away lugging the shopping back and forward or leaving it in the car to spoil while you go to your appointment.

Are you going to think hey ho at least it made someone else happy? Are you fuck, you would be livid.

shaz298 · 16/09/2011 10:11

Lockable post sounds like the answer. But tbh if it hasn't adverseley affected you or your partner yet then I wouldn't be too bothered. If your neighbour isn't happy lett them deal with it. When it affects your spaces then would be the time for you to 'take action'.

However re clamps etc etc, depends where you live. Can't do that in Scotland. We havce no tresspass laws up here but tha\t's another issue......

PorkChopSter · 16/09/2011 10:12

Write to the school repeatedly and give them the reg nos of the cars blocking your drive.

emsyj · 16/09/2011 10:13

I just cannot get my head around your point of view birdofparadise. IMO, being part of a community involves abiding by the law and showing consideration and respect for others. Parking on someone else's private property without their permission is totally against everything I believe in - it's rude, selfish, illegal, inconsiderate and I would not want to be friends with or have anything to do with any person who would do so other than in extreme emergency.

If the parents really do need to park super-close to school (and let's face it, the vast majority of them don't really, do they?) then they could quite easily knock on the OP's door and ask politely, 'would you mind if I used your bay from 8.45 to 9am and then again from 3.15 to 3.30pm each day?' But they don't ask, because they don't care whether the owner of the property minds or not. They are only interested in their own world, their own life and their own convenience.

I wouldn't want to live in your world, birdofparadise - I would rather live in a world where people are willing to park in the allocated car park and walk the 20 yards to the school tbh. That is the real solution IMO. Park in the designated space and accept that you will need to walk for 3 minutes.

Mitmoo · 16/09/2011 10:20

Taking photos outside of a school could get you reported if you are seen, some people might wonder what you are up to. That's going too far to be honest. I wouldn't be on guard for other people's drives when they're not in either.

I first thought you came across as really petty but I wouldn't expect anyone to park on my drive without asking first. Can you call a local clamping company I bet they'd be glad of the business put the signs up and just let them know to be there at 9 and 3 or whatever, it would soon stop.

Personally though I wouldn't, its just an option as it's winding you up.

MackerelOfFact · 16/09/2011 10:33

YANBU at all, I'd be irritated not so much by the phsyical act of parking but the fact that someone was so selfish and entitled that they thought they had some kind of divine right to park in my driveway unimpeded.

I would do the clamping signs thing and buy a wheel clamp from Halfords. But then I am evil. Or maybe get someone to help you and bounce the car into the school car park - that'll confuse them!

birdofparadise · 16/09/2011 10:35

I am not defending the parents who park in a private space (they should not). I just support non-escalation - if [whatever annoying action] is in fact doing no harm then shrug your shoulders and get on with your life. Pick your battles. It is bad for your wellbeing and happiness to get involved in unnecessary disputes. It will not make you feel good even if you "win". Find something else to do with your time that involves being nice to people as it will make your life better too.

Advocating blocking people in, or taking photos, is misguided....not because OP would not be within her rights (well, actually blocking people in might be dodgy) but because it will not make OP happier and it will not help anyone or anything. This is more important than the legal niceties of the situation.

OTOH If I were on a thread by an OP saying "aibu to park in an empty bay right by the school for a few minutes" I would equally advise them not to do that for the same reasons: respect other people and do not do things that could upset or inconvenience them.

MackerelOfFact · 16/09/2011 10:36

I also find the attitude that if you live near a school you should be expected to surrender your private property in the name parental servitude completely baffling.

Blueberties · 16/09/2011 10:38

They are doing harm birdofparadise. Why do you think they aren't? Escalation - ie telling people not to do it - means they won't do that harm again. Shrugging your shoulders means they will.

emsyj · 16/09/2011 11:03

Where does that end, though birdofparadise? Technically it wouldn't do me any harm if someone went into my house and sat on my sofa to read the newspaper. It wouldn't cost me any money or cause me any inconvenience. But should they be allowed to do it?
What about someone 'borrowing' my car during the day whilst I'm at work and replacing the petrol? With my permission, sure - I have no problem with that. I'm happy to lend my car to anyone who asks (and have done in the past) - but I do expect them to have the courtesy of asking first.
I would do a favour for anyone, friend or stranger, and often put myself to inconvenience to do so - but I don't want people helping themselves to my property without asking. That is not acceptable behaviour in my view. I would not want DD to learn that you can just help yourself to other people's things.
I can see the value of the sentiment that you shouldn't cause yourself unnecessary grief to pursue things that don't matter - but here it is an ongoing issue. If it had been a one-off I would agree with you that the OP should just shrug and not think about it any more, but this is something that is continuing to happen on a daily basis and therefore needs to be dealt with.

birdofparadise · 16/09/2011 11:35

emsyj sigh, perhaps I am a romantic. If someone went into my house and sat on my sofa to read the newspaper and did me no harm then I would like not to mind. I wish we lived in a world more like that. The sad reality is I would be scared that they had MH issues as that is not a norm in modern day Britain, and would be worried that they might attack my children and steal all my worldly possessions. I would not feel threatened in that way if someone parked in my parking space for a few minutes to pick up from school which is probably the difference.

If I had a field and someone sat there for a picnic (clearing up after themselves), I would like to think I would not mind, and indeed would like to think that I would actually take pleasure from use of it.

If something harmless is continuing, why does that mean it has to be dealt with?

The OP could tackle this differently. Perhaps when she sees a Mum who is struggling with several small DC and a baby, having parked down the road, she should approach that Mum and offer her partner's parking space for a few minutes every morning when it is empty anyway (I assume that her own space has her car in it). Then she would not feel taken advantage of. She would need to check with her partner first of course....