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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at grandmother leaving a 13 month old in a pub on her own

138 replies

TheAlphaParent · 14/09/2011 19:25

My mum and I took my 13 month old daughter to Wetherspoons for a meal (6pm). The bar is in a different room to the seating area. The pub was crowded. I went to the bar to order the food whilst mum sat with my daughter. Whilst I was at the bar mum came up to me and told me that she had found a bigger table. She had left my daughter on her own in a crowded pub to come and tell me that. I nearly had a heart attack and sent her back immediately. Needless to say I gave mum a good bollocking. Her response? "Sorry I'm not perfect".

AIBU to be shocked? How could a fellow mother be so negligent?

OP posts:
wildhairrunning · 14/09/2011 23:28

Gosh op you are getting a lot of unneccessary stick - your mum should not have left your baby in a different room on her own and I am surprised at the nonchalant replies here and how many women think this is being precious

It's not being precious it is being sensible so yanbu at all

CarnivalBizarre · 14/09/2011 23:29
Kayano · 14/09/2011 23:30

Cross wires I think
Bollocking to me is like totally screaming at someone and shouting etc
I wouldn't think of it as 'mother I disapprove of your. Actions'

If it was the second then YAnBU

illbedamned · 14/09/2011 23:40

I have 4 dc and no I would never have left any of mine out of sight in a crowded weatherspoons pub. I have houdini children and all of them could get out of thier buggy straps within seconds and my youngest has done this and managed to tip her buggy over, and cut her lip on a table corner (in our house after I'd come in from school run and nipped upstairs for a few minutes and left her strapped in the buggy

Honestly mumsnet is so bloody odd at times. I think if the op had worded her original post differently and left out the bollocking her mum I think she would have a lot more sympathetic posts!

MrsCreamcake · 15/09/2011 00:22

I manage a Wetherspoons and I can absolutely guarantee that the lovely customers would have been far more interested in their £1.85 pints of John Smiths then a 13 month old. Seriously. :)

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 01:42

Yanbu I wouldn't of been happy either and this baby is my third

I don't know anyone that would leave a 13 month old on it's own in a crowded place while they went down some stairs into another room.

I bet half the people on here would have been pulling catsbum faces if they saw a crying child left on it's own in rl

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 01:47

Half the people on here who said yabu that is

AnneWiddecomesArse · 15/09/2011 01:50

YABU. Wetherspoons ?

LDNmummy · 15/09/2011 01:51

If she really did leave your child in a completely different room then YA definitely NBU. No people may not snatch your child at the first chance, but your child could have wondered off trying to find you and gotten lost for instance.

If your child was in the same room and you could see your table from where you were, then YABU.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 15/09/2011 01:51

I think as the baby was left in a totally different room YANBU. Especially as the reason your mum came looking for you was not vital.

SouthernFriedTofu · 15/09/2011 02:06

YANBU who leaves a baby in a crowded wetherspoons? I wouldn't want some drunk messing with her/falling over her or knocking her high chair or having her escape if she wasnt in a high chair

LDNmummy · 15/09/2011 02:39

wandered*

AnneWiddecomesArse · 15/09/2011 03:09

I'll ask again Wetherspoons at 6pm ?
Why ???

AlpinePony · 15/09/2011 08:09

YANBU - I bet your mum didn't even leave your PFB enough money to get the drinks in. :(

HairyGrotter · 15/09/2011 08:15

£1.85 for a pint of John Smiths? Fuck that, I'm in

ErnesttheBavarian · 15/09/2011 08:23

YANBU. Seriously. If baby was in buggy and you were at the bar a few feet away, but your mum left the baby to go wandering off up the satirs to the bar looking for you. WHat if she hadn't found you? (eg if you had gone to the loo or something)

I'm not at all hysterically over protective, not by a million miles. but I would feel pissed off at my mum leaving my dc alone in a pub. It's irresponsible and really no need.

YApossiblyBU by giving her a good bollocking. Depends how you did it /what you said. Her response to that was pretty childish though.

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 08:35

I probably wouldn't like to leave my 13 month old out of sight to be honest. But tbh being in a buggy and not in a high chair or wandering around means that the chances of anything going awry in the 1 minute it took for your mum to walk to the bar, give you a message and to the table are pretty miniscule.

And I wonder if mum was both trying to help and avoiding the why didn't you tell me you had moved? I couldn't see you, I thought something had happened .
my mum would happily wait for me to find them. Perhaps something told your mum that moving tables without telling her might prompt an over reaction?

Anyway. I wouldn't take a small child to a pub if I thought she would be at risk if left for 1 minute.

spiderpig8 · 15/09/2011 08:41

The people who would want to steal a 13m old are few and far between.

ExpensivePants · 15/09/2011 08:45

If the bar was on a different floor then no I wouldn't be too happy with my baby being left tbh. But I did happily plonk her at a table in the M&S cafe and go and get food. But I could see her and she could see me the whole time.

wideawakenurse · 15/09/2011 08:54

I agree with Zimm, further up thread. There is this crappy, "I'm too cool for first time mother antics" attitude on MN.

Yes, giving your Mum a "Bollocking" was not the best turn of phrase - but I assume it was the heat of the moment.

ErnesttheBavarian · 15/09/2011 08:55

but it's not about stealing the baby is it? 1st mum goes, then granny disappears, child might well get upset and has no idea why wher, if or when they're returning, v. likely to get upset, then you've got strangers wondering what to do, wondering why baby left, and yes, judging, all for no real reason. I've never once, in 12 years of parenting really worried about my dc being stolen, but I still wouldn't when they were so little have left them unattended in a public place like that, esp on a different floor.

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 09:07

But really, how long does it actually take to walk up a set of stairs and back down again. Is your average wetherspoons fucking huge? Presumeably it is about the same length of time it took me to go back upstairs and fetch my keys if Dd was in the buggy by the door. Is a child likely to get upset in 1 to 2 minutes?

thekidsmom · 15/09/2011 09:07

I was going to post but see Pagwatch has siad what I was thinking -

I probably wouldn't like to leave my 13 month old out of sight to be honest. But tbh being in a buggy and not in a high chair or wandering around means that the chances of anything going awry in the 1 minute it took for your mum to walk to the bar, give you a message and to the table are pretty miniscule.

Perhaps your overreaction is because you weren't all that comfortable taking her into that environment in the first place?

but, to reiterate, I wouldnt let a small child out of my sight in a crowd, either (says she, who has already admitted on MN to losing her 15 mth old in a theme park...)

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 09:11

Tbh the onky thing that shocks me on the thread is the information that acweatherspoons can be so crowded at 6pm on a weeknight that there is a problem finding a table for granny and the baby

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 09:12

Fucking onky

You make one typing area and your iPad just can't let it go.