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AIBU?

To be shocked at grandmother leaving a 13 month old in a pub on her own

138 replies

TheAlphaParent · 14/09/2011 19:25

My mum and I took my 13 month old daughter to Wetherspoons for a meal (6pm). The bar is in a different room to the seating area. The pub was crowded. I went to the bar to order the food whilst mum sat with my daughter. Whilst I was at the bar mum came up to me and told me that she had found a bigger table. She had left my daughter on her own in a crowded pub to come and tell me that. I nearly had a heart attack and sent her back immediately. Needless to say I gave mum a good bollocking. Her response? "Sorry I'm not perfect".

AIBU to be shocked? How could a fellow mother be so negligent?

OP posts:

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heleninahandcart · 16/09/2011 23:48

YANBU drunk people can do stupid things. Drunk people in Wetherspoons can do very stupid things.

TheAlphaParent · 16/09/2011 23:38

"Her response to that was pretty childish though"

I'm glad someone said that. Her reply "Sorry I'm not perfect" suggests that refusing to leave a baby on its own in a crowded public place is perfectionism. Surely it's just common sense.

OP posts:

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 16/09/2011 19:22

diddl- I wouldn't do that because I don't think she committed such a crime. Unless you are the sort of person who takes your child out of the car when you buy some petrol - which I'm not

diddl · 16/09/2011 10:00

I think it has been established that the OP asked/told her mum to go back to her GD & not to leave her alone again.

Which I think that many of us would do-if we thought that the child should not have been left, of course.

I can´t see anything wrong with this tbh.

Pagwatch · 16/09/2011 09:28

I would not bollock my mother
She is a kind loving woman. If I disagree with her I explain why with a decent level of common politeness. Much in the same way as I will expect my dd to address me when she is older.

I am not sure if not bollocking her because she is a grandmother is worse than thinking that bollocking your mother is reasonable.

I suspect I am odd but it would not occur to me to interact with people I love like this.

diddl · 16/09/2011 09:12

TBH if OP thought that her mum was wrong & had put her daughter in danger-why shouldn´t she "bollock" her?

Why is being the GM an excuse to not look after the child properly?

LoveInAColdClimate · 16/09/2011 08:44

YABU for "bollocking" your mother but not for prefering that your child wasn't left alone. I would imagine that the sight of a fairly elderly woman (presumably) being shouted at by her adult daughter was a fairly unedifying one even by Weatherspoons' standards.

FellatioNelson · 16/09/2011 08:02

It really depends on whether the 13 month old was strapped into a buggy or left unattended in a high chair or wandering around. Also depends on the distance/visibility/doors between the table and the bar.

However, you are both BU for going to a Wetherspoons. It's like a supermarket cafeteria only with alcoholics and wasters.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 15/09/2011 21:48

I still think YABU

I am very very cool though. And have 24 children

anklebitersmum · 15/09/2011 11:03

I subscribe to the 'If you wouldn't leave your handbag unsupervised there why on earth would you leave your child?' method of parenting.

YANBU in my opinion. Let's face the facts, it only takes 20 seconds to snatch a child.

If (God forbid) you, your Mom and your missing child had been making headlines this morning I bet there'd be a few changed opinions over her actions.

diddl · 15/09/2011 10:42

I find it really odd of your mother also tbh.

YANBU.

fanjobanjowanjo · 15/09/2011 09:25

YANBU, I wouldn't be happy.

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 09:12

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 09:12

Fucking onky

You make one typing area and your iPad just can't let it go.

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 09:11

Tbh the onky thing that shocks me on the thread is the information that acweatherspoons can be so crowded at 6pm on a weeknight that there is a problem finding a table for granny and the baby

thekidsmom · 15/09/2011 09:07

I was going to post but see Pagwatch has siad what I was thinking -

I probably wouldn't like to leave my 13 month old out of sight to be honest. But tbh being in a buggy and not in a high chair or wandering around means that the chances of anything going awry in the 1 minute it took for your mum to walk to the bar, give you a message and to the table are pretty miniscule.

Perhaps your overreaction is because you weren't all that comfortable taking her into that environment in the first place?

but, to reiterate, I wouldnt let a small child out of my sight in a crowd, either (says she, who has already admitted on MN to losing her 15 mth old in a theme park...)

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 09:07

But really, how long does it actually take to walk up a set of stairs and back down again. Is your average wetherspoons fucking huge? Presumeably it is about the same length of time it took me to go back upstairs and fetch my keys if Dd was in the buggy by the door. Is a child likely to get upset in 1 to 2 minutes?

ErnesttheBavarian · 15/09/2011 08:55

but it's not about stealing the baby is it? 1st mum goes, then granny disappears, child might well get upset and has no idea why wher, if or when they're returning, v. likely to get upset, then you've got strangers wondering what to do, wondering why baby left, and yes, judging, all for no real reason. I've never once, in 12 years of parenting really worried about my dc being stolen, but I still wouldn't when they were so little have left them unattended in a public place like that, esp on a different floor.

wideawakenurse · 15/09/2011 08:54

I agree with Zimm, further up thread. There is this crappy, "I'm too cool for first time mother antics" attitude on MN.

Yes, giving your Mum a "Bollocking" was not the best turn of phrase - but I assume it was the heat of the moment.

ExpensivePants · 15/09/2011 08:45

If the bar was on a different floor then no I wouldn't be too happy with my baby being left tbh. But I did happily plonk her at a table in the M&S cafe and go and get food. But I could see her and she could see me the whole time.

spiderpig8 · 15/09/2011 08:41

The people who would want to steal a 13m old are few and far between.

Pagwatch · 15/09/2011 08:35

I probably wouldn't like to leave my 13 month old out of sight to be honest. But tbh being in a buggy and not in a high chair or wandering around means that the chances of anything going awry in the 1 minute it took for your mum to walk to the bar, give you a message and to the table are pretty miniscule.

And I wonder if mum was both trying to help and avoiding the why didn't you tell me you had moved? I couldn't see you, I thought something had happened .
my mum would happily wait for me to find them. Perhaps something told your mum that moving tables without telling her might prompt an over reaction?

Anyway. I wouldn't take a small child to a pub if I thought she would be at risk if left for 1 minute.

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ErnesttheBavarian · 15/09/2011 08:23

YANBU. Seriously. If baby was in buggy and you were at the bar a few feet away, but your mum left the baby to go wandering off up the satirs to the bar looking for you. WHat if she hadn't found you? (eg if you had gone to the loo or something)

I'm not at all hysterically over protective, not by a million miles. but I would feel pissed off at my mum leaving my dc alone in a pub. It's irresponsible and really no need.

YApossiblyBU by giving her a good bollocking. Depends how you did it /what you said. Her response to that was pretty childish though.

HairyGrotter · 15/09/2011 08:15

£1.85 for a pint of John Smiths? Fuck that, I'm in

AlpinePony · 15/09/2011 08:09

YANBU - I bet your mum didn't even leave your PFB enough money to get the drinks in. :(

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