To go away for a long weekend?

[designerbaby]

I've agreed to go away with work in our annual long weekend jolly to an unknown destination at the end of the month. It could be anywhere from Bristol to New York (has been both if these in the past). But I'm feeling massively guilty an anxious about it.

I've never left the children overnight before - they are 3.8 and 18 months. Actually that's not quite true, I was away from my eldest daughter for one night when in hospital having my second! But that's it.

I'm very much their ordinary carer as DH works long hours and us away on business a fair bit. As a result they are both real Mummy's girls. Although I work part time (3 days per week) I'm invariably home for bedtime...

I'm concerned that they won't understand if Mummy just disappears for four days. Youngest has only just weaned, and still relies very much in mummy cuddles for comfort at bedtime.

I'm also concerned at how DH will cope as he's never had to care for them in his own for any length of time. He sometimes lacks the necessary patience for dealing with two young children, and gets cross over very small things. He's not cruel or anything, and would never harm them but I do worry that they'll be more likely to play up if feeling unsettled, he'll spend much if the weekend cross and they'll have a rubbish time...

I agreed to go because the prospect if a whole weekend of child free time, somewhere nice, all expenses paid, with guaranteed unbroken sleep was really appealing, but I'm starting to regret my decision...

Am I being massively selfish? [braces self]

db
xx

Wow, thanks for all your replies!

I'm not sure how I feel about it now, TBH..

I'm not a martyr to my kids... Nor have I attempted or intended to try and make myself indispensable... It's just that DH works long hours, he's often out of the door before they're up and about and usually only home after they've gone to bed. It's just the way things have worked out. And since DD2 was BFd at bedtime, I've made a point of being home. I'd also venture that he's not really a natural with small children, but he is starting to come into his own a bit more now DD1 is getting older. He's just not that great at the soothing cuddly stuff...

I think it will do them good in the long run, as several of you have pointed out, he'll have to do the stuff he normally avoids, and I hope they'll be closer afterwards. And maybe he will have a new appreciation of what it involves to do it all by oneself!

But I am concerned about it being a big of a shock - especially for my youngest - that Mummy, who's usually always there, suddenly isn't. So I'm going to try and miss a couple of bedtimes between now and then - If DH can get home from work early a couple of nights between now and then. I don't fancy trying to get out before they're up though!

I'm feeling wickedly a bit gleeful at the thought of DH having to get up in the night!!!!!!

I also think it's probably a good idea to try and find out how far away I'm going to be but it's usually a top state secret...

And it us worth pointing out that this us a pure jolly/treat with absolutely no work involved... If it was a working trip I'd just have said no!

I'm basically torn - half of me thinks it's too much, too soon for my littlest one in particular and I need to put her needs first, the other half feels like I deserve to have a bit if time to myself having had none whatsoever to speak of for the best part of four years...

I think I may well go, but try and encourage DH to take over a bit more between now and then so it doesn't come as quite as much of a shock...

I'm not sure how much I'll enjoy it and hue much I'll be able up not worry about them, but it'll probably Di everyone good one way or another.

And there's face time...

Db
Xx

Oh and yellow dinosaur, yes I was - what a memory you have!! Trying to wrack my brains about who you used to be though!? It was a long time ago, and I clearly don't have your memory!!

Db
Xx

You are putting your youngest's needs first-one parent is going away. You don't agonise that one parent is missing every day! I agree that you do need to get her used to it first by leaving dad to it more often.

designerbaby I've pm'd you!

Good luck with making this decision - sure it will be fine whatever you do but that if you are able to get yourself into a state where you can go guilt free you will, I am sure, have a fab time!

If you don't feel able to go to an unknown location for 4 days how about using the same weekend to go away for just 1 night to stay with friends to give your dh and chance to spend some time alone with your girls an to have a break yourself?

Or if the jolly isn't too far away to see if it is possible to go for one or 2 nights only for a first step? If it is possible to talk to the person arranging this maybe you could outline your concern about going to an unknown location when you have small children that are not used to being left they MAY tell you (or at least give you a ballpark)

Good luck!