i have to hide the way i feel or i'll cry. im so angry :(

[ChariotsOfFire]

my best friend is terminally ill with cancer, but she's behind the shed smoking (which im not against smokers) and makes jokes of "whats it gonna do? kill me?"
i hate it, i have to pretend to smile but inside my heart feels like its being torn apart. i dont want to lose her and we are always out the garden, having nights out or just generally making trouble!!
i feel i must have become the worlds worst friend to feel like this. im so angry that my friend has cancer.

I'm so sorry about your friend, OP. And I'm so sorry for you too. You sound like a lovely friend. xx

Oh Chariots, how very tough and sad this must be for you, your friend and her family.
I lost my best friend to cancer 25 years ago when she was just 24 (we had known each other all of our lives as our mums were best friends before we were even born). At the time i was very angry that this had happened to such a bright, beautiful, kind and thoughtful person, i wanted to know why it was happening to her when there are so many evil people in this world i wanted it to happen to instead.
My friend was very strong and she too joked through it all, it was her cheering me up when it should have been the other way round, but to be honest i think she needed to do it to keep herself going.
After we lost her i didnt think i would get through it but the old cliche is right, time does heal but there still isnt a day goes by that i dont think about her and i have photos of us together in my home and she was a fabulous artist and i have some of her work hanging on my walls which i would never part with cos i look at them and think of the happy times we had together.

You have every right to be angry with this terrible and evil disease and that shows how much you care for your lovely friend. I am wishing you strength to get through what time you have left together and i hope you both make the most of every minute of it. x