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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not say anything...

36 replies

JamilaScrilla · 11/09/2011 10:47

As part of my faith I choose to wear a headscarf, but not every day. It's probably about 65% headscarf, 35% not.

I recently started working in a nursery in NW London. At the interview and every day since I started working (2 weeks) I have worn a headscarf and it has not been mentioned. I'm getting my hair done next week for my friend's wedding at the weekend and don't want to wear a headscarf all next week. I'm worried if I do this they won't allow me to wear my headscarf at all because they will see it is 'not necessary'. Should I approach my manager and explain the situation or wait for them to approach me, or just not wear my headscarf?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 10:51

I would say if they don't have a problem with you wearing a scarf, then you can choose when you want to wear it.

Why would you think they might start having a problem if they think it's 'not necessary'?

It's not necessary to wear a scarf around your neck, but no one would say anything if you wore it to work.

Firawla · 11/09/2011 10:51

yabu to not wear it 35% of the time, either you wear it or you don't??
anyway i don't think they will tell you not allowed to wear it, due to this.. cos its normal for people to wear scarfs so i doubt they are bothered about you wearing it, as they would be used to it esp in london as you are not in the middle of nowhere. but i would expect people to come and ask you where has your hijab gone.. dont people get confused by it when you take it off and on all the time?!

amIbeingdaft · 11/09/2011 10:51

I wouldn't say anything. I know people who sometimes wear headscarves and sometimes not, doesn't occur to me to wonder why. Can't imagine they'd mind, really.

Original poster
JamilaScrilla · 11/09/2011 10:52

Firawla I'm not a Muslim.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 11/09/2011 10:52

No, just leave it. They know a headscarf is not 'necessary' anyway and that it's something you choose to wear.

I've never known any school to have a problem with it.

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 10:53

Do people who wear different clothes every day confuse you regularly Firawla?

amIbeingdaft · 11/09/2011 10:53

Firawla Sun 11-Sep-11 10:51:24

yabu to not wear it 35% of the time, either you wear it or you don't??

Firwala, what gives you the right to say this? Surely the OP can wear what she wants when she wants.

Sirzy · 11/09/2011 10:54

I would find it a bit odd that you suddenly stopped wearing it tbh but I can't see why they would stop you wearing it as a result.

worraliberty · 11/09/2011 10:56

To be honest, I don't see what wearing a headscarf would do to your hear that going to bed at night won't do to it anyway Confused

worraliberty · 11/09/2011 10:56

*hair

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 10:56

Is it odd to wear and then not wear a headscarf?

Am I missing a crucial bit of information or something?

Original poster
JamilaScrilla · 11/09/2011 10:57

worra I'm getting it plaited up. Wear a silk cap on it at night but a headscarf rubs against it and frizzes it up.

OP posts:
MummyDoIt · 11/09/2011 10:57

Do you wear a headscarf on religious grounds or as a fashion statement? What does the staff dress code say about headscarves? If staff dress codes state that headscarves can only be worn on religious grounds, then you wear it every day or not at all. If staff dress codes don't mention headscarves then you wear it whenever you choose.

HughJarseJr · 11/09/2011 10:57

as long as your face isnt covered, cant see a problem

squeakytoy · 11/09/2011 10:59

It sounds more like you wear it when you have a bad hair day rather than as a part of your faith.

Beamur · 11/09/2011 11:00

A headscarf does not automatically indicate religion. A colleague of mine usually wears one as she has patches of alopecia.

worraliberty · 11/09/2011 11:00

Ahh fair enough

I don't know really what you expect people here to say. I mean you've not said what religion you are in your OP or why you think they'd have a problem with you wearing it and then not wearing it.

I mean do you really think they're going to be bothered whether the children can see your hair or not?

Or am I missing something?

itisnearlysummer · 11/09/2011 11:02

I think you'll be fine. I don't see why the nursery would say anything about it - other than to observe you're not wearing it and compliment you on your hair that is!

People who have an issue seem to have it with covered faces, not covered hair.

Original poster
JamilaScrilla · 11/09/2011 11:04

Sorry to drip feed info, Worra I was told in my last workplace that I had to wear it every day or not at all but I did have a bit of a psycho boss.

squeaky My choice is nothing to do with you. That was not my question.

OP posts:
Takitezee · 11/09/2011 13:38

If the scarf just covers your head and you don't ask anyone to make special allowances for you to wear it then I don't see why it should matter whether you wear it every day or just sometimes.

Why do you think your colleagues might be unhappy with you wearing it only sometimes?

It's very difficult to properly answer an aibu with so little information.

MardyArsedMidlander · 11/09/2011 13:42

I am also bemused. As I am sure will be your work colleagues. People are going to ask- not because they are prejudiced but rather that they are curious.

If you are ultra frum, I can't see why you would only wear a scarf some of the time- or do you mean that you wear a wig the rest of the time?

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 14:53

Why all the queations about the OP's religion, can't she wear a headscarf for cultural or fashion reasons, laziness (would love not to have to worry about hair on a bad day) or just because she feels like it.

No different to wearing a hat IMO.

MardyArsedMidlander · 11/09/2011 15:18

Because it would then affect whether her employers had a legal right to ask her to remove it.

fourkids · 11/09/2011 15:19

SnapesMistress, "Why all the queations about the OP's religion, can't she wear a headscarf for cultural or fashion reasons, laziness (would love not to have to worry about hair on a bad day) or just because she feels like it."

I think because the OP began the post with "As part of my faith I choose to wear a headscarf"...

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 15:36

Sorry, must have missed that bit then when OP said she wasn't a Muslim I just assumed.

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