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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not say anything...

36 replies

JamilaScrilla · 11/09/2011 10:47

As part of my faith I choose to wear a headscarf, but not every day. It's probably about 65% headscarf, 35% not.

I recently started working in a nursery in NW London. At the interview and every day since I started working (2 weeks) I have worn a headscarf and it has not been mentioned. I'm getting my hair done next week for my friend's wedding at the weekend and don't want to wear a headscarf all next week. I'm worried if I do this they won't allow me to wear my headscarf at all because they will see it is 'not necessary'. Should I approach my manager and explain the situation or wait for them to approach me, or just not wear my headscarf?

OP posts:
fourkids · 11/09/2011 15:44

Also, I think because I (and I gather some other people) don't quite get the issue. If it's a headscarf for the sake of a headscarf (not religious), surely the OP can wear one every Monday, Wednesday and alternate Fridays if she wants to, in the same way that she can wear trousers on days beginning with T and skirts on the other days if she fancies.

If, however it is a religious thing, as the original post implies, there are different legal ramifications. ie, presumably she definitely can wear a religious headscarf because otherwise she would be being discriminated against...but perhaps an emplyer can argue that if she chooses not to wear it every day, she isn't really strictly following a religious dictate so doesn't need to wear it ever. However, I'm not sre whether that would hold water - maybe a religious person might choose to wear a cross round their necks, but only on the days they are not wearing their pink necklace IYSWIM.

Probably needs someone legal to advise...

DoMeDon · 11/09/2011 15:52

Where I work there are appearance rules- you are only allowed to wear a head covering for for religious or medical reasons - tbh I would be naffed oof if someone came into work wearing it 'for religious reasons' one day and not another. That is because I have had to change my appearance to continue working there and I don't deem it fair for someone to choose what they wear at work when I cannot. I agree with your previous employer for the purposes of work - either wear one at work or don't. What you do outside is your own business.

Having said that if your current employer has no appearance rules or uniform then I don't think they have a right to tell you what to wear as long as you look professional.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/09/2011 15:54

" I'm worried if I do this they won't allow me to wear my headscarf at all because they will see it is 'not necessary'."

I can kind of see their point, because 35% of the time you do NOT wear it, which does rather imply that it is not necessary TO YOU to wear it. OP, surely you can see how it could confuse people, because by and large those who wear a scarf for faith reasons wear it all the time?

HeidiKat · 11/09/2011 15:59

Would it really be such a problem if they said you can't wear it at all, given that sometimes you choose not to wear it anyway so it can't be a strict part of your faith?

ChippingIn · 11/09/2011 16:04

Why, if you wear it for religious reasons, is it OK to not wear it all of the time?

AuntiePickleBottom · 11/09/2011 16:14

i don't get it tbh.

if a head scarf is part of your religion, then surly your faith should be more important than an hairstyle

MardyArsedMidlander · 11/09/2011 17:50

Long time reader, fairly new poster- can someone think of a phrase opposite to 'drip feed' in AIBU? I mean, when someone starts off a post but then won't give any further details but just wants to be told they are NU.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 11/09/2011 17:56

OP you are likely to get asked the same sort of questions you're being asked on here. If you can't answer them here then how are you going to answer them in work?

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 18:01

'Detail reluctant' Mardy? Grin

Although OPs aren't obliged to give out any more information than they want to/feel comfotable posting, or even post again on a thread.

Which gives some posters a great chance to make shit up Grin

acatcalledfelix · 11/09/2011 18:14

OP just don't wear it, and see what happens. If you've worn it everyday and no coment has been made, it may be tricky for them to turn around and say "aha! You can go without it so you now must!"

I must confess though as to being very curious about what your religion is and the significance of the scarf. In no way do I think it should be all or nothing, and I know it's none of my business, but this type of thing fascinates me.

OddBoots · 11/09/2011 18:21

What is the uniform policy at your work place?

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