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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hot drinks shouldn't be held when holding young children

130 replies

Madamolive · 10/09/2011 20:05

AIBU into thinking that you just shouldn't hold a hot drink whilst holding a baby incase god forbid something terrible happens :(

Family member was over visiting, had usual hot tea whilst cuddling my second DC- 5 weeks.My toddler was running about playing and knocked into family member. Cup nearly went everywhere. Thankfully didn't.
Said family member carried on drinking whilst having cuddles.

AIBU in thinking that hot drinks and young children just don't mix?!

If im not BU should i have said/say something in the future?

OP posts:
smelmavulva · 10/09/2011 21:28

I remember the lovely midwife who told me that BF was a good choice coz I could enjoy a cuppa at the same time. Took me about 2 months to get to that stage tho. :)

Much easier to hav hot beverages around with a baby than it is with a toddler. Put it out of reach or chuck in more milk and gulp it down missus. ( The drink, not the toddler)

It's all a learning curve or summit

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 21:29

"Funnily" enough, Doug, my dd was scalded by a pot of tea dropped by a child waitress in a cafe when she was six (my dd, not the child waitress).

I know about scalds. I also know that anything can happen at any time for any reason in any circumstance.

All the more reason to laugh while we can cos we are a long time dead.

TidyDancer · 10/09/2011 21:29

Doug, no one finds scalds funny, really. I have the greatest sympathy for what your child went through/goes through.

I think people are just trying to say, in the wider sense, we have to make considered choices. There's absolutely nothing you could've done to prevent what happened to your son, and I sincerely hope you have never thought otherwise.

I'm am sorry if you've been offended by anything written on here, but I am certain nothing was directed at you.

takethisonehereforastart · 10/09/2011 21:31

I went to school with a boy who was very badly burned by a cup of hot tea when he was a baby.

His face, neck and shoulder were scarred and his head was always slightly tilted to the right because of how the skin and tightened.

The scars were like thick ridges that went up his neck and jaw line and just onto his right cheek and his ear. They were very red and pronounced too.

He did suffer some pain, even by that time when we were eleven years old, and he still needed appointments at the hospital. He had had a lot of skin grafts and I think the hope was that eventually surgery could help with some of the scars and the way his head was tilted, but he moved away when he was fifteen and I don't know if he ever did get to have the surgery.

It's because of this boy that I felt very comfortable in telling all our family that they were not to hold our son while holding a hot drink and why I am still very careful of drinks and cooking and baths etc. Accidents happen even when you are being careful (and I am more accident prone than most, so my rule was as much for me as anyone else.) Having seen what a hot drink can do, realising that other things can do the same damage or worse, I agree with you OP.

If you don't feel comfortable just saying so outright, either don't offer your visitors a hot drink or say something like "I'll just take LO from you so you can have your drink."

Most people will understand your concerns though.

Milsean · 10/09/2011 21:36

but isn't that a bit like saying if you'd seen a childs injuries after a car crash, you'd never drive, or anything else? There are risks everywhere you look, and you can't get rid of them all, you just have to do your best and live your life. There have always been hot drinks around and the vast majority of times nothing ever happens. Thats a good thing.

SemperUbiSubUbi · 10/09/2011 21:38

Would you leave knives lying around on the living room floor with a toddle rin the room?

TidyDancer · 10/09/2011 21:38

Exactly Milsean. Well put.

SemperUbiSubUbi · 10/09/2011 21:39

The "you" wasnt specific to any particular poster, just a general question.

MixedClassBaby · 10/09/2011 21:40

Strengthens my argument that only wine should be available to drink at toddler groups...

smelmavulva · 10/09/2011 21:40

Ime serious burns are caused by hot water from kettles, not hot drinks. Awful either way. Maybe I've been too relaxed.

I've got a health and safety home mad mother in law who loves a cuppa

SemperUbiSubUbi · 10/09/2011 21:41

Never putting your child in a vehicle isnt practical.

Moving a hot cup is.

As far as I was aware a hot drink isnt a necessity, if you are thirsty whilst BFing, get some water. A Brew can wait surely?

smelmavulva · 10/09/2011 21:41

That why lambrini was invented!

NeverKnowinglyUnderDoug · 10/09/2011 21:42

smelmavuva - Under the age of two years old a child's skin is not as strong as an older child / adult and they can be scalded by a cup of tea at a temp that wouldn't damage an adult.

As an aside. I've just got your nn

DogsBestFriend · 10/09/2011 21:44

I wouldn't leave knives on the floor with my toddler in the room but I wouldn't dispense with knife use in her presence either... that's the difference, the point I'm trying to make.

And you'd lose a tenner, Semper.

I genuinely believe that given the opportunity, despite a visit to see the results of such awful but comparitively rare accidents in a child burns unit I personally would still be content to hold a baby of mine in one arm and a cup of tea in the other, at distance from the child.

IMO you have to take sensible precautions but you also don't overreact or you'll go bananas with worry and what ifs. That's why, despite having seen a truly awful car crash involving a small child I would still drive my DC about and allow them to be driven about by others, under reasonable circumstances. Therefore, just as I won't allow my DC to be driven by a drunk or without seatbelts, I wouldn't hold/drink a hot drink over a baby. I assess risk but I don't need to stop the activity altogether IYSWIM.

takethisonehereforastart · 10/09/2011 21:44

Perhaps it is, perhaps not.

I was a passenger in a car crash when I was pregnant with my daughter, it brought on premature labour and she died two hours after she was born. I still drove and rode as a passenger when I was pregnant with my son, but by then I had one of those special pregnancy seatbelt adjuster thins and the car was covered in "Mother to Be on Board" signs.

No, you can't get rid of all the risks but you do what you can to minimise the risks as you see them.

One risk, in my eyes, having known that boy, was to choose not to hold a hot drink and hold my son at the same time and not to put a hot drink anywhere it can easily be spilled even now. I'm happy to do so and, as it's something I feel quite strongly about, it's something I felt I needed to ask my guests and family to do too.

takethisonehereforastart · 10/09/2011 21:46

My last reply was to milsean btw, this thread is moving fast.

smelmavulva · 10/09/2011 21:47

My child is far too wriggly to drink tea while he's on my knee. But I do make sure that my cocktail umbrellas are baby proofed. [Wink]

DogsBestFriend · 10/09/2011 21:48

And Semper, tea drinking may not be a necessity for you... :o

More to the point, if you want to use that argument, chances are the majority of car journies which DC take aren't necessary. Do you reduce risk and accept that Johnny can't go to the zoo/seaside/granny's because you can't get there any other way or assess the risk and take him in your or someone else's car?

What about... I dunno... air travel? A holiday in the US is not necessary, visiting auntie in France is not essential and the plane might crash, so what do you do?

SemperUbiSubUbi · 10/09/2011 21:49

dog If you want to carry on holding a hot drink at the same time as your baby then thats fine, your baby, your decision but as much as you dont like it, I and many others would judge you (any anyone else doing the same) for this.

It is not overreacting to keep hot liquid that will scald your child away from him/her.

DogsBestFriend · 10/09/2011 21:50

Journies? Tsk! JourneYs!

dirtydishesmakemesad · 10/09/2011 21:51

I dont give hot drinks to people holding my children, for example if MIL is holding the baby and i have made her a cup of tea I put the tea on the shelf, take the baby then let her pick up the tea. I also hate it when she puts the cup of tea on the floor to cool and ask her to put it on the shelf (too high for my baby or toddler or in fact my older children even to reach).

HerRoyalNotness · 10/09/2011 21:52

Yes there are risks everywhere you look, but you can mitigate risks. In this case, not holding a hot drink and a baby at the same time.

But OP, to mitigate the risk to YOUR child, you should have either taken YOUR child off them, or taken cup of tea of them, or even made tea a bit tepid.

Milsean · 10/09/2011 21:52

I'm sorry for your loss, take.

But its "as we see them" thats the salient point, isn't it? We all percieve risk differently based on our own experiences and we live accordingly. You probably do things I wouldn't dream of, and vice versa, doesn't mean anyone is in the wrong.

In the end, we all do what we think is right and mainly just hope for the best.

DogsBestFriend · 10/09/2011 21:55

"dog If you want to carry on holding a hot drink at the same time as your baby then thats fine, your baby, your decision but as much as you dont like it, I and many others would judge you (any anyone else doing the same) for this."

Absolutely, and I would say the same of you - your child, YOU decide whether anyone may hold a drink and your DC, no-one else. As I said at the beginning though, it's not for the OP or for anyone to tell others what to do wrt THEIR children.

Am a bit Hmm tickled that "I and many others will judge you". It all sounds very Monty Python-esque, in a "Whatcha gonna do, bleed on me?" kind of way! :o

SemperUbiSubUbi · 10/09/2011 21:55

Im obviously nowhere near articulate enough to get my point across properly on here so I give up. [shrug]