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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my 18 year old DD 3 months to find a job in her chosen career and if she cant then to apply for anything,

97 replies

ShakeTastic · 10/09/2011 19:12

Hello, My DD thinks iabvu but I do not.

She finished school (after 2 years in sixth form) in may, She worked very hard and came away with 3 A levels, 2 A's and a C, the 2 A's were in health and social care specializing in The early years, apparently this means she has a level 3 in childcare,

Since she finished school she has been looking for a job working in a nursery, She has had no luck even though she has applied for many as although she has the qualifications, she has no experience,

It has now came to the point that as I am on a low income myself and get no money for her anymore she has had to claim jobseekers this week, I do not want her on this any longer than nessasary but she had to as we have had to inform the housing of what she is doing as I get housing benefit,

I have told her that she has 3 months to find a job either within a nursery or similar and if she cant then she will have to apply for whatever is available (shop work, call centres etc) she is not happy,

Obviously I want her to be in job that she has trained to be in and wants to be in but the way things are none of us can be choosey and have to take what we can get,

Aibu?

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 10/09/2011 21:12

Could she not look for a job as a live in nanny / au pair. Would give her great experience with kids, and mean that she'd have no expenses?

If I was looking for a nanny I'd jump at the chance to employ a bright girl (judging by the A levels) with interest in childcare.

She should try advertising on gumtree. Working as a live in nanny would mean she could find a job in a different part of the country to where you are living now.

nodrog · 10/09/2011 21:20

I would ask her to get a volunteer job, while applying for any job she could get NOW. It will help her in the long term get the job she wants in the field she wants if she is seen as a hardworker and someone who is willing to pitch in.

sjuperwolef · 10/09/2011 21:21

hey, no offence. just grinds my gears that everyone else has to find a job why should she have 3 months leeway? cos she is 18? i was running a house and had a family to look after at 18 whilst working my arse off and dp his.

Spuddybean · 10/09/2011 21:25

I really feel for her, it's so tough at the moment.

Maybe (if not already) recommend she see a careers adviser, they can be really helpful getting you to focus and see alternative routes to your goal.

At that age many have such a specific job in sight it's difficult to consider anything else.

Peachy · 10/09/2011 21:26

hellhasno I wish her luck; have almost completed my my MA Autism qual and it's still a misunderstood area.

I'd be promoting the idea of finding PT work in anything and combining that with volantary experience.

joannita · 10/09/2011 21:28

Sjuperwolef - Think you're being a bit mean - It's harder to job hunt when you're working and 3 months isn't long. Just because you had a hard time, doesn't mean everyone else should. Wouldn't you like your own kids to have an easier time than you did?

Clary · 10/09/2011 21:33

Yes as another poster said, she will have to apply for anything really to get JSA anyway.

You have to show evidence of applications for jobs and searching for work to get the benefit.

I agree with others tho, surely unpaid work exp would be better than nothing and if that's what's holding her up then it seems the way to go.

ALso yes, nanny job surely, she sounds an ideal candidate, have you looked into that?

sjuperwolef · 10/09/2011 21:34

i didnt have a hard time tho thats just it - i worked from age 15 because i wanted to, i shadowed a prominent business woman for a summer till i was 16 and could apply to work within her business, i applied to college to get the qualifications to progress in the career i chose, i also managed to settle down and have a family. maybe im just lucky that way but at 18 i think it is incredibly selfish not to work just because its not your chosen job. country has to run somehow and there are enough people genuinly looking for any work and genuinly needing benefits out there.

sjuperwolef · 10/09/2011 21:35

i actually find it offensive you think because im a younger mum i have had a 'hard time' tbh, cant a woman choose to have her children when she is younger? why presume because we were young parents it was an accident?

joannita · 10/09/2011 21:41

Sjuperwolef - Wow - you did a lot and very successfully when you were very young and that's admirable but I still say 3 months leeway is not excessive.

joannita · 10/09/2011 21:42

It was just the way you talked about working your arse off. It sounded like you were complaining

sjuperwolef · 10/09/2011 21:47

i have a iron strong will Grin wouldnt change my life for the world.

maybe in some peoples opinions 3 months is not much but it seems far too long to me. imho.

joannita · 10/09/2011 21:57

Hmm I think it depends a lot on what she actually does in the 3 months. If she is pounding the streets and the web and leaving no stone unturned then it's time well spent especially if she finds some voluntary work.

sjuperwolef · 10/09/2011 21:59

true.

Cereal · 10/09/2011 23:11

"Should she just get any job and do voluntary work as well?"

Yes. She'll be gaining experience in her chosen field, as well as earning money and getting experience of the world of work in general.

Just make sure the job isn't so demanding she hasn't got enough time or energy for the nursery volunteering.

A1980 · 10/09/2011 23:36

You're telling your daughter to get off benefits and find a job when you're reliant on them? Pot calling the kettle black?

confusedpixie · 10/09/2011 23:39

Tell her to look into seasonal work. She'll be able to work with kids, live away from home and earn a (small) bit of cash whilst earning experience. It's what I did when I left uni, couldn't find any work after dropping out and have been seasonal working for three/four years now.

There are loads of seasonal jobs available all around the world, instructing, kids clubs, au pairing (I would count this as seasonal), mother's help jobs, etc. Low pay, but worth it for the experience.

Also, be careful with volunteering on JS, they can and will take money from her for the hours she's 'worked', even if she isn't getting money from it!

A1980 · 10/09/2011 23:44

Also your daughter finding a job may well cause more problems than it solves.

You have said you are on a low income and rely on housing benefit. If your daughter starts working full time, your HB allowance will be cut and if you don't already pay council tax, your household will become liable to pay it becuase of your daughters full time employment.

That is something to consider in forcing her into any job you she get. Make sure the job she takes provides enough income for you /her to pay the shortfall in the benefits you lose or you may find your household worse off.

badgerbrisket · 11/09/2011 00:26

YANBU but she will be selling her self short to go for nursery work, having worked so hard the get her level 3 she should work as a teaching assistant in a school then once she has a years exp. she could do a teaching degree.
Nursery staff are very rarely well educated and the wages are shockingly low.

Original poster
ShakeTastic · 11/09/2011 01:00

A1980 Where did I say that I am reliant on benefits?

I am a single parent working full time on mininum wage, I get housing benifit because i do not earn alot and apart from my daughter i have another child under 16, any other benifits i get do not mean that I am reliant on benifits,

I am not forcing her into any job but her working or not whilst living under my roof affects our housing, We are well aware of this thankyou and have spoken to the housing office,

OP posts:
snippywoo2 · 11/09/2011 01:40

YANBU there are so few a jobs around ATM for teenagers that any job is better than no job. Its well known that it's easier to get another job if you already have one and any work/experience you can add to your CV can only be an advantage when applying for the job you really want.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/09/2011 07:53

YANBU.... But there's nothing to stop her taking up some other job whilst still looking for her dream job. If she wants to be free for interviews there's plenty of evening/night-work available in supermarkets, pubs, restaurants, warehouses etc. If the family is not on a generous income, it's everyone's responsibility to bring in some money.

SansaLannister · 11/09/2011 08:01

As she is on JSA, sooner rather than later they will force her to take on any work, even outside her dreams, or sanction her.

She's best finding something sooner rather than later when they find it for her.

Andrewofgg · 11/09/2011 08:27

YANBU - Nobody has a right not to work (and live off others, state or relations) while waiting for the job she'd prefer.

mycatoscar · 11/09/2011 08:42

YANBU to expect her to be contributing something If I was in her situation I would be looking for ways to get that experience, can she get an evening job and do some volunteering in a primary school/nursery etc during the day? I am a reception teacher and know she would be snapped up for voluntary work if she wrote some letters and phoned some school secretaries. This would massively raise her chances at actual childcare/TA jobs.

Also, I second the person who said she sounds like she is capable of more than just being a nursery assisstant, she could be a room supervisor, higher level teaching assistant or with grades like that she would very easily be accepted onto a teacher training course. But, if she is more interested in working right now then there is no reason why some one with her intelligence and willingness to work cant work their way up to being manager etc in a nursery.

Best thing she can do is go out and get a part time job which will give her fantastic experience of just being in the workplace and dealing with lots of different types of people, but will also give her time to do some volunteering and get that much needed experience.

Does she even do any babysitting? That would count as experience and pays reasonably. I know loads of people who need saturday babysitters because they work in retail and weekend childcare is so hard to find.