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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel I`ve been `had`?

73 replies

Gluttondressedaslamb · 10/09/2011 12:03

I was talking to a friend and her mother (whom I have known well for years) in a general way about shoes when her mother asked me what size I wore. I told her, to which she replied that she had bought some shoes in that size which finally turned out to be too big for her, also too big for her DD, and said Ill send them for you with DD. DD duly turned up a couple of weeks later with the shoes, a pair of plain but inoffensive-looking slingbacks, which I tried on and which seemed to fit ok. Just as a courtesy I asked the DD if her mother wanted anything for them, to which she replied Fifty pounds please, thats how much she paid for them.
I was flabbergasted as I had not asked for the shoes in the first place nor had there been any mention of me buying them. I would certainly not have paid 50 pounds for them if I had seen them in a shop, and these shoes had been worn! Being a wimp who hates confrontation I paid up. Till now I dont know if the fifty pounds was demanded by the mother or if it was the daughter who decided. Both are well-off, may I add. To add insult to injury (or perhaps the other way round), when I wore the damned things I realised why my friends mother had said they were too big - the elastic on the slingback was weak and kept dropping down when I walked!
I put the shoes in a charity bag, but can`t help feeling aggrieved about the whole affair. May I also add that I have never sold anything to a friend in my life, I give my stuff away!

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 10/09/2011 14:23

You do need to work on being more assertive. I only buy things if I like them, need them and more importantly have the money.

They sound like piss-takers so I imagine you wouldn't fall into the same trap with them again.

shivster1980 · 10/09/2011 14:29

OP you have my sympathies - they took you for a mug.

When I was a student I used to babysit for a very wealthy family. Two posh cars, 4 storey town house,kitted out beautifully, kids at private school etc etc. Whenever they returned they would sort out my payment down to the 50p. On one occasion I was owed 19.50 and they only had a 20 note. I had to wait (at 1am) whilst they scrabbled round desperate to find the correct change before sending me home and offering to drop the payment in the following day!!! 50p! Hmm

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:34

shivster Shock the mentality of some people, that just supports my point really. Any normal person would have said, here is £20 you keep it, and given you a bit extra if they were that flush.

TheCrackFox · 10/09/2011 14:36

I know someone (well off) who babysat for a couple of hours for a very good friend. When her friend arrived home after her lunch out she offered her a bottle of wine as a thankyou - she said she would prefer £20 in cash!!

Needless to say their friendship drifted apart.

Purplegirlie · 10/09/2011 14:38

I think that very often those that "appear" wealthy actually haven't got that much money at all, they are probably up to their eyeballs in debt buying their massive house and paying private school fees and Boden clothes. Genuinely wealthy people often don't appear that way, they drive a modest car and aren't all dolled up.

Before anyone says "Well I genuinely am wealthy and we pay private school fees and wear Boden clothes", I don't mean it's like this with everyone but very often this is the case.

TheCrackFox · 10/09/2011 14:42

Cherie Blair springs to mind. all that money but still sells her stuff on Ebaby instead of just giving it to a charity shop.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:44

I suppose people get so wrapped up in keeping up with the Jones that all their money goes on their material things, and they don't have much disposable income.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:45

but 50p Shock blimy hardly a kings ransome

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:45

Yes thecrackfox she is a perfect example.

Talker2010 · 10/09/2011 14:46

I am just amazed that you paid

Have you been "had" ... of course you have

Talker2010 · 10/09/2011 14:48

AND

I would be really annoyed if I bought them from a charity shop and the elastic was poor so they could not be worn

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:50

BTW my rich friend really is rich. She lives with her dad in a big London detached house, pays no bills, rent etc, dad is rich of course too, she has a good job, no kids, has 8 holidays a year. She lives with her dad due to her have severe health problems btw.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 15:05

that behaviour in the restaurant was embarrassing

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/09/2011 15:09

Yes assertiveness training. That is awful.

I had something nowhere near as bad that has bugged me. A friend bought her DD plimsoles for school that she grew out of really quick and asked me what size my DD is. I told her that my DD was about 5 sizes smaller and she offered me the shoes and I of course said "yeah that would be great" (as very poor and we could put them away until she grew into them). Then she said "well they cost 10 so how about we say 8?" I had abosolutely no idea that she meant it like that, I though she was just being nice. I explained that I couldn't afford to pay out for shoes my DD wouldn't grow into for years. This isn't nearly as bad as what happened to you (or even bad at all) but it was really uncomfortable.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 10/09/2011 15:13

How old is the daughter? Are you sure she wasn't just taking the mick? Have you any evidence that her mum has seen any of the money?
What has happened is that a child has asked you for 50 pound and you have given them it. It really is your inability to say no that's the main issue here.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/09/2011 15:19

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop I think she said that the child is 35!

sue52 · 10/09/2011 15:29

I can't imagine walking into a shop and buying any old pair of shoes that happened to fit. I would have told them I was not in the market for shoes at that time and handed them back. It's a shame you can't ditch her as a friend, the greedy mare.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 10/09/2011 21:39

Hahaha OK. I shall read the thread more thoroughly next time Blush

You need to do the same back OP. Tell her about something you want rid of and imply she can have it and send someone round with it - plus an invoice for the price as new.

Gluttondressedaslamb · 10/09/2011 23:45

Thanks for the feedback everyone, I feel even worse now :(

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 11/09/2011 00:22

I would have laughed and said "I don't like them that much!"

Yes you've been had!! Did they wipe their feet on you on the way in too? You sound like a nice person - just need to be more assertive. "you can't please everyone, do you just have to please yourself". Sing it!!!

LeBOF · 11/09/2011 00:28

Aw, lesson learned and all that. Don't feel too bad. You won't let it happen again, will you?

Gluttondressedaslamb · 11/09/2011 15:22

:) I`ll try not to...

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 11/09/2011 15:33

You paid £50 for a pair of secondhand shoes you didn't want. Are these people friends of yours? If so then I'd unfriend them now as they have taken advantage big time. Tell them in hindsight how you fell or this will fester.....

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