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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel I`ve been `had`?

73 replies

Gluttondressedaslamb · 10/09/2011 12:03

I was talking to a friend and her mother (whom I have known well for years) in a general way about shoes when her mother asked me what size I wore. I told her, to which she replied that she had bought some shoes in that size which finally turned out to be too big for her, also too big for her DD, and said Ill send them for you with DD. DD duly turned up a couple of weeks later with the shoes, a pair of plain but inoffensive-looking slingbacks, which I tried on and which seemed to fit ok. Just as a courtesy I asked the DD if her mother wanted anything for them, to which she replied Fifty pounds please, thats how much she paid for them.
I was flabbergasted as I had not asked for the shoes in the first place nor had there been any mention of me buying them. I would certainly not have paid 50 pounds for them if I had seen them in a shop, and these shoes had been worn! Being a wimp who hates confrontation I paid up. Till now I dont know if the fifty pounds was demanded by the mother or if it was the daughter who decided. Both are well-off, may I add. To add insult to injury (or perhaps the other way round), when I wore the damned things I realised why my friends mother had said they were too big - the elastic on the slingback was weak and kept dropping down when I walked!
I put the shoes in a charity bag, but can`t help feeling aggrieved about the whole affair. May I also add that I have never sold anything to a friend in my life, I give my stuff away!

OP posts:
Gluttondressedaslamb · 10/09/2011 13:21

Sorry PigletJohn , I`m broke after spending all my money on unwanted shoes!!!

OP posts:
Purplegirlie · 10/09/2011 13:29

I agree OP, you need to get assertiveness with them; it doesn't have to be confrontational or rude, just "Ah, I haven't got that kind of money so I'll send them back with you".

Someone I know did something similar to a friend of mine; said friend was pregnant with her third baby and an acquaintance of hers said she had a Quinny Pram she could have. My friend was going to buy a pram but this woman was insistent. The woman turned up with the pram and asked my friend for £100 for it, which hadn't been mentioned before. My friend paid up as she didn't know what else to do, then it turned out the straps on the buggy part were broken and beyond the baby being 3 or 4 months old it was largely unusable.

FootballFriend · 10/09/2011 13:29

What a cheek! You mention they are rather well off, perhaps that's how they remain so, being brazen enough not to miss the chance of £50 here or there.

We are hoping to move soon and we needed a table & chairs. BIL has some he has no space for. He's had them for 10 years. Anyhow, we got talking, he said he wants to get rid of his, we said we needed some. A week later DH asks when/how to pick them up, BIL asks for £400. I was taken aback as thought we'd get them free (maybe cheeky, but no reason to think otherwise), in the end we offered, rather unwillingly, £250. He's kept his table, we bought new ones for just over £1000.

BluddyMoFo · 10/09/2011 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jasper · 10/09/2011 13:33

OP, your friend behaved very badly asking you for ANY money for them. I can see how you were just flabbergasted and handed over the dosh.

I know a woman who brought a spare toddler loo seat thingy to her mother inlaw's house for her own child to use . Mother in law accepted it then dil said "what shall we say ... five pounds?"

The DIL is an anaesthetist!!!

Purplegirlie · 10/09/2011 13:36

Football Friend I like your username!!

FootballFriend · 10/09/2011 13:45

:o thumbs up :o (I'm a namechanger.)

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 13:49

YABU, let that be a lesson to you! Next time don't be such a push over. I would have said no thanks they are too expensive, and given them back to the daughter

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 13:51

Jasper I am Shock. I am going to get flamed but here goes, I find the richest they are the more stingy they are. I know some people that are not well off, but would give you the coat off their back, or are so generous and would be Shock to have payment.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 13:53

The behaviour of some people is shocking, in fact its downright rude and disgusting, dragged up not brought up I say.

lifechanger · 10/09/2011 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jasper · 10/09/2011 14:00

piglet, I have to agree with you to some extent. The very few astonishingly , cheekily stingy people I have met in my life appear very well off.

Of course I know lots of generous rich people too but the glaring users/chancers have been loaded

Gluttondressedaslamb · 10/09/2011 14:00

Ive noticed that its often the better-off who are the most money-grubbing. Which is why they are better off than I am of course :)
Thanks Purplegirlie and Jasper for your stories. nice to know Im not the only one it happens to! In fact <strong>Purplegirlie</strong> s story reminded me of something else I am now too ashamed to admit to!

OP posts:
Purplegirlie · 10/09/2011 14:01

Oh do tell us, Glutton, don't be ashamed

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:02

money does not buy you everything it seems. If you want payment for something say upfront and give the person the chance to refuse. When I give stuff away to friends, I don't accept payment never, if I expected it I would flog it on e bay

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:06

My close friend comes from a well off family, and they are so tight you could not push a piece of paper through their arse. In fact another friend of mine (very rich) is very stingy, I wanted to go to the Hard Rock Cafe in London, and was saving up for the experience and to get a tacky t shirt as well. We sat down to eat, and friend started to complain about the prices, saying loudly in the restaurant that "the prices are disgusting, its a rip off etc etc", I suggested going somewhere else, and she said no, but her attitude put a damper on the day. Needless to say that we have drifted apart.

FredBare · 10/09/2011 14:07

You mention they are rather well off, perhaps that's how they remain so, being brazen enough not to miss the chance of £50 here or there.

absolutely! my cousin is extremely wealthy and has a flourishing business. So much so that he charges close family the retail price, if not more

I tell him to go forth and dont buy from him on principle

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:07

She was complaining throughout the meal. FFS she had a veggie burger, and it was about £12 for a veggie burger and chips, expensive yes but not bank breaking.

Purplegirlie · 10/09/2011 14:11

Nothing puts me off a person more than if they are constantly whingeing about how much things cost. Incredibly annoying

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:13

on the other end, I have a lovely friend that is not well off, who has given me sacks full of her dd old clothes for my younger dd, other kiddies items, and is offering me her old Quinny Buzz for the new dc (i am 20 weeks pg), i have offered her money, but she does not want anything of the sort. Instead I treat her when we are out, and got her flowers and choccies (neither she or her dh drink). My friends daughter (when I was pg with dd) gave me her almost new still in the shops Graco travel system, as her dc had grown out of it and she did not use it much anyway. She did not ask for anything, but they are not well off so I gave them some money towards it.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:14

purple it just put me off her as a friend really, things have not been the same since, we have known each other since school but slowly over the years drifting apart.

Purplegirlie · 10/09/2011 14:14

I agree, Piglet. Like you say, it's often those that have the least that are the most generous isn't it?

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 14:17

Totally, from my experience it is

Chandon · 10/09/2011 14:21

sorry this happened, it is annoying when someone takes the piss like that, grrrrrrrr on your behalf!

Gluttondressedaslamb · 10/09/2011 14:22

Like when you go for a meal and when it comes to splitting the bill someone pipes up with but I only drank 1 glass of wine, everyone else drank at least three ....
Purplegirlie - Sorry, cant tell you about the other incident where I was had as the situation is so particular that the other person would recognise herself, and Im absolutely sure she`s a MNer!

I know some very tight/shameless people!

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