to ask How would you change your childs life for the better?

[RosemaryandThyme]

Hello - have realised that my children's lives and my own have been stuck in a rut for a while.
I'd like to improve our lives but am at a loss as to where to begin, and am desperately in need of inspiration.
AIBU to ask :
What things are childhood essentials for you ?
What things are you aiming towards for your families ?
Thank you

This thread has made me cry too. I am in the hairdressers & I am getting some strange looks. sniff

I used to love sharing a room with my sister. Yes we were a nightmare to get off to sleep and we used to battle constantly over whose mess was whose but the conversations we used to have way into the night, the giggling, the secrets, we have a wonderful friendship because of it. And bunk beds are cool, doctor who says so!

If I could change anything to make DS' life better I would make DP his real father and not deadbeat ex :(

Sharing a room with siblings is nice when you're little. Not much fun when you're in your teens - I hated it.

True, Sue - but I was trying to be positive! It was fine for us up until I got to 13 or so - but even then once I hated it and wanted my own space so much I considered moving into the cupboard under the stairs ( Maybe I read a bit too much Harry Potter!) we still had some good conversations late at night that we wouldn't otherwise have had. Plus it meant I didn't want to hang around living at home for any more time than was necessary

Sorry, didn't mean to be negative. I just found it really difficult. For various reasons, I had to share a room until my early twenties. Now I have to share a room with my husband - I just want my own space :)

Yes, it was weird for me too as the first time I actually had my own room was when I put DS in his own bed for the first time, when I was a single parent. Probably why I was sympathetic to the idea of co-sleeping - I don't really think humans are wired to sleep alone.

OP, I have been in a similar situation recently, re-evaluating our family time.

Things I have found helpful

• taking time each day for everyone in the family to share three good things that happened to them, no matter how hard or stressful the day has been. These can be really tiny things, like the smell of an orange or something nice you've eaten or read. We try to talk about what we are grateful for in our lives, because we don't have religion as such and I think this is something that people like us who are non-believers can really lack in their life. It has really helped us to realise just how good things are, even though money is tight and there are always things to sort and worries about.
• making sitting down together as a family once a day to eat or have a cup of tea a priority. Dh's family are farmers and they always sit together in the kitchen to eat. They set the table, eat and chat without the radio or television on and then "stow away" together. It is a very comforting ritual.
• we make reading a book together and having a cuddle part of every day, as important and constant as brushing your teeth.

Good Morning,

Some progress here !

Stopped cleaning to sit and play lego - 4 year old reports "your castle is a bit rubbish mum but keep trying " - spent two hours late last night constructing what I consider to be the ultimate castle - DH pitched in with moving draw-bridge and catapult thing - can't wait for the little fella to wake-up !

Returned to cleaning bathroom - 2 year old comes in with plastic pull-along dog that she'd like to take for a walk - no I say, it's raining, (and I've never let them take toys out of the house before) she says "umbrella" - back an hour later, soaked through, damp plastic dog and pockets full of wet daisies -fantastic.

Have a lovely day everyone.

Morning Rosemary,
I'm sure your 4 year old will love the castle. Beware of 2 year old 'destroyers'!!
[Got one who demolishes 6 year olds lego].
Sounds like you are having fun.

Hello 2Boys

Today I am going into battle on the excessive home-learning.

We are NOT doing two 45min slots of maths today - this has been on the community schedule for ages - folks round here are already getting a bit sniffy that I haven't handed out everyones worksheets for today (its one of my jobs to deposit these at the main house).
Am preparing myself for a big back-lash.

Enjoy your family today - and promise me No Maths !!!

Absolutely no maths here Rosemary! Hope all goes well and things don't get tough for you. Hope your weather ok. If not raining walking in the blustery wind can be quite fun. Perhaps the kids could count leaves as they fly by as a token gesture to maths!
Seriously though, I hope things don't get tricky for you.

Lovely thread! No maths here today, we're making butterfly wings for the DDs then visiting the PIL.

On sharing rooms, my sister and I were really upset when we moved house and were given our own rooms (aged about 10 and 9). We got walkie talkies so we could chat at night and used them until our late teens, she used to get into my bed every weekend morning until I left home. We're close, even though we're very very different people.

To answer the original question, I think all I'd change is removing my bouts of depression from the universe as I tend to want to shut myself away when I'm depressed and we're all much happier when I'm my normal sociable self as we're out with friends all the time. Haven't had one for a while, and am quite impressed with myself as I had an awful summer (sister had meningitis, Granddad diagnosed with terminal cancer) but am worried about PND.

Time & Love is really all that matters.

Hope your dh supporting you. [Sounds like he is with his lego castle building etc!].
Are you making the community go 'cold turkey' on 2 x 45min maths or are you just cutting it down? Are you giving reasons why eg having more fun time?
Are there other mums and Dads who might agree with you re school work being too intense and long at home? Can you gently gather support as I can imagine it might be difficult on your own.
Good luck and take care. x

Have been ambushed.... DH off fixing a leaky roof, two wives came round to express concern, are you unwell Rosemary? menopausal? (I'm anxiously sweating!!) er well no I think the children should have a rest from extra maths..
Cue much "well if we all took that attitude where would we be?", (MrsK could say the same about poetry class, MrsH could refuse to provide spelling lists, honestly Rosemary you can't just think of yourself you know, if you can't cope we're here to support you...)
Me (wobbles - they are being sooo nice and fair and logical and I've known them for years and I really like them) - lets' just try it for a week ?
But Rosemary this hasn't been discussed or agreed and what WILL the children DO???
Lots of ummms....depart to seperate corners to "consider Rosemarys' outburst".

Rosemary the children will just be children and find something to do .

Were of out spending the day with some Amercian friends who while do remember today for what happened .They like to create special memmories of today date paticulary .

How is it going Rosemary? Would you be able to have a Community discussion concerning how much extra home work all the children are doing? Would your DH support you? If you were disagreed with would you be able to cut down your own children's home working or would that be seen as out of order?
Hope you are ok. [How dare they blame your hormones for having an opinion!!].
I DO hope you are being supported by your DH and are not confronting this on your own.

I agree with most of what's been said on here but one thing that I think is also important is appreciation of what you've got - not that you don't, I don't mean that, but it can be good for kids and nice for you to hear. We do a thing at the end of the day when I don't forget where I ask DD 'What was the nicest thing that happened to you today?' and the answers range from her teacher saying something nice to something we've done, often very small things but that's almost better I think.

I also ask 'Was there anything you didn't like?' which is a handy way of finding out anything that's worrying her. She then asks me the same questions and I think it's good for her to hear my answers although obviously if it anything awful had happened I wouldn't necessarily share! But hearing me say my boss was pleased with me or a client didn't like my work or I enjoyed/was annoyed by such and such is nice for her and helps her empathise with other people's feelings - this is obviously one for when they're a bit older of course.

I would dearly love them to have grandparents. That special time round at grandmas, eating too much chocolate and lots of cuddles and tinkering in the garden with grandad.

i want to do more natural nature walky stuff with my dd. she loves it, and i don't get her out in that environment enough. we live in the country, but in a town, we need to get our wellies on.

There are so many little things, i know, say for instance about things in the hedgerows! that i did when i lived in the countryside, that she would love to hear about.

I want her to carry on building her confidence, and i mine. She is doing so well (her dad gave up on her and no longer sees her) and i sometimes don't know if i am doing enough. Maybe we all feel that way sometimes.
good thread op.

You ok Rosemary?
Back to the topic in hand though... When out walking, if we pass gardens with lavender or Rosemary growing over the walls by the pavement we rub a bit in our hands for the lovely smell.

Bubbles are always fun [messy if 2 year old gets hold of them].
Thinking of replacing work sheets.. how about maths with conkers [if you have to do extra work]. Also kids writing their own word searches for mum and Dad to do and vice versa. Treasure hunts with messages hidden round the house. You start a story with a sentence and then keep taking turns and do a joint story.
Just trying to think of things you can toss back to the work sheet fiends. Jigsaws, lego are good for the brain. Just drawing for fun. Dot to dot, mazes on paper.
However there is obviously an 'organise everything' ethos in your Community that will be hard to tackle. Just running around/ dancing to cds / imaginary games are all good and important parts of childhood. Perhaps they would understand language like 'adult led play may limit child's thinking and capacity to learn for them selves. Continual adult led play may limit child's development'.
Just thinking out loud!

Hello !
What inspirational replies.
Yes thanks you 2Boys I am (finally) doing surprisingly well - lots of talk (and arguing) gone on here AND it turns out there are quite a few of us who have been having serious misgivings recently.
Best of all though DH has said he is fed-up with having o help out other people (hates heights and was balanced on a roof for most of yesturday) and wants to be free to do things off-the-cuff with our children.
I was surprised, he had been thinking that I really loved things here so hadn't wanted to rock-the-boat.

And one from me - I would like my children to stand up for themselves.

Ooh I'm loving "Continual adult led play may limit child's development" - that's it in a nutshell.

I think I could have gone down a negotiation route here, and in the past would have, and DH would have gone along with it.
But he has had enough and whilst he'd never instigate change (he's more of a roll along with it type) he's worn down I think and looking more at a clean-break.

Sounds like you are doing well and people who were perhaps afraid to speak out now can because you have. Also people thinking everyone is happy so they better not 'rock the boat' have been able to give their real opinion because you have. Well done you!!