Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell him to eff off if he comes back?

81 replies

BlueKangaroo22 · 09/09/2011 17:01

Hi, basically, earlier today, i asked dp to do some washing up so i could get in the sink to wash dd's bottles. So he goes into the kitchen, starts filling the sink and comes back and collects up the bottles dd has used this morning. I tell him to never mind that, just leave it and do the washing up, ill sort bottles. to which he replied i am only putting them by the sink, so i got up, told him no, leave it just listen for once (i know i know i havent helped matters) and slammed kitchen door shut with him in there, few moments later he came out and got shoes and socks on, and went out onto the balcony presumably to go for a smoke, whatever methinks, he can have that and go get on with the task i have asked him to do, (i really dont ask much of him, its this, empty bins and feed dd sometimes)

So hes been sat there a while, so i got really riled, opened balcony door, and told him if all he was going to do was sit out there and sulk, then ive got no time/patience for him and told him to get out. or words to that effect.

meanwhile i had a vomit/baby situation and took us both in the bedroom to change her and my clothes, and while i was doing this, he came in fetched his keys and left (fair enough, i told him to...hes just decided to walk out on his dd)

What really got me annoyed is what he took - bank card (jokes on him, no money in that account), disconnected his pc (no problem there, ive got laptop) he also took the adapter cable for the router, removing my internet access!

i know where he is, his mates,

if he comes back should i bother letting him in?

OP posts:
Kayano · 09/09/2011 18:04

But you BLue, expect me to make presumptions based on 'reading in-between the lines?'

I went by OP, sorry her OP was unreasonable beyond belief

Original poster
BlueKangaroo22 · 09/09/2011 18:10

im sorry i didnt mean to drip feed. His mate just text me, he is staying at his moms tonight apparently.

ive never been alone over night with dd, i know its pathetic but im terrified! dont know why, i cant do this. :(

OP posts:
Kayano · 09/09/2011 18:15

And now I'm calm.

Do you have any family nearby that you can call OP for some help?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 09/09/2011 18:16

Yes you can.

According to what you say - you do everything anyway. So what's different? He isn't physically in the house, playing on the x-box.

Just do what you normally do. It will be fine.

Running away from a difficult situation, which is what he has done, is childish. But not surprising from a man who spends his day playing games and requires nagging.

How old is he btw?

You clearly can't carry on like this, so perhaps coming to a head like this will actually work out for the best. It will force change.

Changing2011 · 09/09/2011 18:18

Get used to it op, it could be the start of a new life not putting up with this shit! Seriously, is this life he is showing you what you really want? I can't imagine anything worse.

Takitezee · 09/09/2011 18:23

You are being completely unreasonable, what on earth did he do wrong?

You are also being unreasonable to leave bottles all day without at least rinsing them out.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 09/09/2011 18:25

Someone only read the OP Grin

Kayano · 09/09/2011 18:37

And it wasn't me Grin

hairylights · 09/09/2011 18:40

What you've just described is an abusive situation. Turn the tables so a man is treating a woman like this ... how does that look?

MigratingCoconuts · 09/09/2011 18:41

to be honest, if he does so little around the house, what will you actually miss about him being gone?

I'm not saying you should kick him out permenantly or anything, I'm just saying that you'll cope better tonight that you think if you normally do it all anyway.

buzzsorekillington · 09/09/2011 18:44

Why don't you repost (a reworded version) to 'relationships'?

And you'll cope just fine tonight, don't worry.

LineRunner · 09/09/2011 19:01

OP, Hi, you do sound really stressed out, tired and frustrated. I remember your post when you baby was just two weeks old and you found your DP was washing the baby's bottles in cold water. You used the word 'lazy' then, too.

I think if you have different values then you do need to sit down and talk to him calmly. A night apart from each other might even help to settle things down.

You can come on here for support pretty much all night; and I also agree that you might want to put a more complete original post on Relationships, perhaps including your relationship background, why your DP doesn't work, how you feel about that, and so on.

Original poster
BlueKangaroo22 · 09/09/2011 20:56

im considering going to his moms...not to row, just to be around people (his bro and sil are there housesitting, i dont like being on my own)

im so pathetic!!

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 09/09/2011 20:58

I take it you are considering dragging your baby out at this time of night then to sit with a lazy twat for company. Jeez how sad.

DraculasMum · 09/09/2011 21:18

Changing that is un-called for!

op lock the doors, put dd to bed (if she isn't already) and distract yourself, watch tv or go to bed yourself

Leave ur p to do as he pleases and show him your not bothered!

Original poster
BlueKangaroo22 · 09/09/2011 21:38

yeah dracula i will do that, she is due a feed soon so will feed her and take us both to bed. thank you :)

OP posts:
FredBare · 09/09/2011 21:42

You sound like a mad dictator...I'm not sure I'd want to come back if I were him, except to see my child obviously confused

this ^

FredBare · 09/09/2011 21:45

why didnt you pass him the baby while you did the washing up = after all its been sat there for 2 days - both of you suffer from lazyitis and you are well out of order speaking to another person in that tone

FabbyChic · 09/09/2011 21:48

How old are you? Did you not tell him to get out? He done just that and you moan?

DraculasMum · 10/09/2011 00:00

fred I take it you were there at the op's house when the argument happened?

Purplegirlie · 10/09/2011 00:14

I feel that the OP has been given an unnecessarily hard time by some posters on this thread. She has an 8 week old baby who cries a lot and won't be put down. She is undoubtedly sleep-deprived and exhausted. Her partner/husband isn't working, plays computer games all day and is happy to leave washing up and no doubt other household chores for days on end. It sounds like he is his number one priority, and it's no wonder that the OP went off on one at him, and behaved in an irrational manner.

If he was a caring, considerate, mature man then he might actually see that his wife is struggling and upset and would give her a hug, apologise for being an arse and get stuck into cleaning and tidying up whilst she looks after the baby. But instead he stormed out, to his mummy's house and even got his MATE to text her. What the fuck is that all about?

OP, he sounds like a total lazy arse and I would be having stern words with him when he returns about the future of your relationship.

FabbyChic · 10/09/2011 00:17

Sorry but he hasn't just changed overnight he has always been a lazy arse.

It's not lke he was caring and considerate one minute then an ass the next.

She knew what he was like when she got pregnant, having a baby does not change a lazy bastard they just get lazier.

LilQueenie · 10/09/2011 01:26

OP I know what you mean and Ive got health visitors all over me at the moment cause Im anxious at nights with the baby on my own. Its horrible. Oh and you are not pathetic even though I know it feels that way.

bakeyouhappy · 10/09/2011 03:12

Fabby I'm pretty sure she's asking for advice etc, about the situation she is in. I don't think she wants to be berated for getting into the situation. Hth

We don't really know if the partner is a worthless lazy bastard, or if she's having a vent. Sometimes people have a 'happily ever after' ideology when they have a baby, and its hard when reality doesn't match your fantasy.

OP, take the night off, love up your little one, and start fresh tomorrow. Good luck.

InTheNightKitchen · 10/09/2011 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.