to tell him to eff off if he comes back?

[BlueKangaroo22]

Hi, basically, earlier today, i asked dp to do some washing up so i could get in the sink to wash dd's bottles. So he goes into the kitchen, starts filling the sink and comes back and collects up the bottles dd has used this morning. I tell him to never mind that, just leave it and do the washing up, ill sort bottles. to which he replied i am only putting them by the sink, so i got up, told him no, leave it just listen for once (i know i know i havent helped matters) and slammed kitchen door shut with him in there, few moments later he came out and got shoes and socks on, and went out onto the balcony presumably to go for a smoke, whatever methinks, he can have that and go get on with the task i have asked him to do, (i really dont ask much of him, its this, empty bins and feed dd sometimes)

So hes been sat there a while, so i got really riled, opened balcony door, and told him if all he was going to do was sit out there and sulk, then ive got no time/patience for him and told him to get out. or words to that effect.

meanwhile i had a vomit/baby situation and took us both in the bedroom to change her and my clothes, and while i was doing this, he came in fetched his keys and left (fair enough, i told him to...hes just decided to walk out on his dd)

What really got me annoyed is what he took - bank card (jokes on him, no money in that account), disconnected his pc (no problem there, ive got laptop) he also took the adapter cable for the router, removing my internet access!

i know where he is, his mates,

if he comes back should i bother letting him in?

I didn't bollock him, fgs! I snapped when i shouldnt have, yes i agree, but trust me today i was at the end of my tether, when every question you ask is answered with sigh i suppose...then yeah i retain the right to be pissed off!

Sounds to me like you've got your hands full with the baby, feeding, changing, no sleep and he is sitting on his arse doing sod all and you just snapped. Plus he childishly too the router thingy.

It sounds like this isn't the only thing that has caused the row, I know how you feel and have been there very recently.

Sometimes when your sleep deprived and feeling like everything is on top of you it can all get to much and you end up snapping and saying hurtful things because you want a reaction.

Does your p work?

In our house I do all the housework as I'm home all day, however p's responsibility is washing up and bins, that's our agreement.

When I cook meals every night and he doesn't do the washing up its very frustrating!

I think you should allow you and him to calm down, don't text him or contact him and when he comes home put dd to bed and sit down and talk about everything that's going on

All in all yanbu, yet maybe your reaction was.

But you didn't say that in OP and it does sound
Like you bollocked him... Shouting, slamming doors etc...

I've said it before and I'll say it again... Don't come on AIBU if you are going to get defensive if I say yes you are!

It's your attitude in saying he decided to walk out on his DD that's pissed me right off. Errr... No he didn't.

Still maintain you need some help OP

OK, benefit if the doubt here, this incident is a bad example of what you're trying to tell us.

Why don't you take a deep breath and start again, with background; how long have you been together, have you ever split up from each other before, how old is DD, what is your relationship normally like, etc.

changing...how rude! my house isnt the tidiest, but its not a hovel! please people i know i am a complete cow and ive done wrong, but im concentrating on what im going to do if he doesnt come back, my daughter is 8 weeks old.

no btw dracula, he doesnt work, he sits at pc/xbox most of day, but in all fairness he does do stuff..just takes a few attempts to get him to do it!

I would've walked out too after being spoken to like that. My idea of washing up is collecting all dirty cups/bottles. Poor guy. If there are other issues then you both need to sit down and talk.

kayano back off!! From reading the op you can clearly see that the op has had enough of what seems to be the breaking point of an on going situation, read between the lines and you can clearly see that

Telling the op she needs to see a gp is a disgusting assumption to make, just because she's had enough doesn't mean she is depressed or needing medical attention, and quit frankly you placing that judgement belittles people who are depressed and need help.

kayano back off!! From reading the op you can clearly see that the op has had enough of what seems to be the breaking point of an on going situation, read between the lines and you can clearly see that

Telling the op she needs to see a gp is a disgusting assumption to make, just because she's had enough doesn't mean she is depressed or needing medical attention, and quit frankly you placing that judgement belittles people who are depressed and need help.

So he doesn't work, and your kitchen is still full of dirty stuff. Yep, he sounds like a keeper.

BlueKangaroo22

He needs to get a job, is there a reason he cannot work? If he is home he should be doing much more without having to be prompted into it!

BlueKangaroo22

He needs to get a job, is there a reason he cannot work? If he is home he should be doing much more without having to be prompted into it!

I'm not unduly having a go! I think she should maybe see a GP because it seeps like she is not coping and maybe in need of some help! Having a baby so young and shouting and slamming doors etc may be indicators
Of stress and might need addressing? Just saying GP might be a viable option because her reactions are OTT to the situation. Don't know why it's wring to suggest that in all honesty?

You sound like you're in parent-child mode.

He sits on his x-box all day and you nag him to do the washing up.

It's not a healthy, adult relationship. You know that, don't you?

I don't blame you for being frustrated if this is the setup. It's a ridiculous way to live.

But you put none of this in your OP. You cannot get narked when people tell you what they think of a situation that you described. You asked. You chose to type it out like that. What you typed showed a bloke getting a load of hassle for no reason.

When he comes back. (he will come back, I'm sure) You need to apologise for laying into him and explain that you are unhappy and say that you need to talk. Then you can calmly express how you feel. And listen when he does the same.

Nothing ever gets sorted out by stropping. Only by discussing it like adults.

Um kayano, being pissed off with a lazy DP who doesn't work and sits on his xbox all day while household chores stack up does NOT equate to a medical problem. Her problem is lack of support.

But then, she got pregnant by the lazy article so my sympathy is limited.

Bluekangaroo, it sounds like you're under a lot of stress. I would be too in your position. You gave birth less than two months ago and have a partner who you have to nag repeatedly to do things before he does it and who wastes most of the day playing games. I would go mad if my partner spent most of the most at the computer/xbox instead of helping with the baby or giving me some time to myself, or even looking for work.

If he's out of work then you're in one anothers pockets all day...he HAS to get job or you'll go under together. Unless you want to work? could he do childcare or wouldn't you trust him to keep things going?

No, no reason, dracula. I do it sometimes changing, but i often have my hands full with a fussy baby (there are days she wont allow me to even put her down, she screams her head off!)
wrt the bottle thing, they get washed up seperate and i prefer to do them myself as i know they are done properly then, there was an occasion when all dp would do is wipe them with the bottle brush under cold running water...

he never listens to me when i say dd needs feeding, hes taken to letting her scream for it, as apparently thats when she needs it and not when shes spent half an hour sucking her hands, so i usually feed her at this point (when she sucks her hands, not scream)

oh and theres the asking him to change her bum...to be responded with but does she really need changing, she was only changed two hours ago...wtf!

OMG beig pissed off is not a medical problem I agree, I'm not saying that at all.

I'm saying in this situation OP has reacted very OTT, shouting, slamming doors, saying her DP has 'decided to walk out on his DD' and is very upset and defensive.

I'm not diagnosing a medical problem ffs, I'm suggesting if it's getting too much and OP is struggling day to day and let's be honest freaking out at her DP, she may well consider a trip to GP as an option

I presume this all went on with DD in the house?

Kayano, not everyone who has had enough of something are in need of medical attention.

Ridiculous diagnosis based on a few posts on an internet forum!

Kayano, not everyone who has had enough of something are in need of medical attention.

Ridiculous diagnosis based on a few posts on an internet forum!

He is seeing your lovely baby as an interruption to his virtual life, what an absolute tossed. You need to ditch, I can see now why you lost it with him. I could never look at DP the same way again if he let our baby scream or left her dirty.

Tosser that should read.

Kyano, it's Not op who needs intervention, it's her lazy ass boyfriend. Why is it always the woman who needs to seek a solution? He is not doing anything else, like working, why can't he help her?

Dracula's mum I don't see how suggesting someone see a GP is me 'giving them a diagnosis' ?

Don't jump down my throat because OP decided to have an outrageous opening post then proceed to drip feed the rest of the info. Because from the first post my initial thought was 'you need help' and I still maintain she does

kayano well that is your prerogative to base assumptions purely on a few words.