Parents-in-law having key to our house

[happygonicky]

First post, so please be gentle!

Partner and I have just moved into our new flat and, in the first few weeks he gave a key to his parents for safe-keeping (they live an hour away). I didn't like this idea - have never given a spare key to anyone before (don't tend to lock ourselves out and it would be difficult to get out to parents-in-law to collect key if we needed it, anyway -would have locked wallet/travel pass/car keys in house too, presumably). But, it was a busy few weeks, so didn't think too much of it. But now I have - and have asked partner to ask for key back (opportunity has arisen for this to be done nicely and diplomatically) - and he's refusing.

AIBU to expect that I should have a say over who has keys to our flat? Parents-in-law v. nice, btw, and unlikely to drop in unexpectedly, but still...

We are still trying to establish why she feels uncomfortable though.

Otherwise it is all one sided. He has to get the key back (because she won't), he has to be in a position of not letting his parents have a key although he wants to ( although she just feels uncomfortable without saying why, just being vague about it all even though she likes them)

OK well if you did know about it before it was done then I think sorry - you really can't go back and change your mind after the deed is done.

If you had doubts you should have raised them before the keys were handed over - to effectively say "now I've mulled it over for a few weeks I've changed my mind and decided I don't trust you" is just too insulting to your PILs and your partner.

Sorry happy I xposted with you.
I do know what you mean about getting used to living with someone.

It seems it is pretty normal for your DP to trust his parents with a key and to be honest don't you think that is a good indication. He clearly likes and trusts them.
You could give a key to your parents as well if you wanted.

You will settle into your own routine and make things work for you but it is nice to have family as backup for whatever reason.

If you don't want his parents to have a key, the they don't have a key.

I'm not sure if YBU or not. They can't really help if you lock yourselves out as they're so far away but it's also not a bad idea for someone else to have a key for safekeeping anyway. My MIL has a spare key to our house which I gave her when she used to pick DD up on occasion while I was at work. She hasn't needed to use it for over a year now but I came home a couple of weeks ago and she was sitting in my living room having a cuppa. I didn't really feel comfortable with that at all! We don't really have that kind of relationship so felt I had to gently say that I would prefer it if she at least told me she was planning to go. She did take the hint though and last week was waiting in her car for me to come home. I very much think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with someone really.

I know I keep banging a drum abot this but it is very very relevant to my expeierence.

If both the OP and DH were involved in a serious or possibly fatal accident who would most people want to have access to their house.

A neighbour who they may hardly know, sure they were handy when they were locked out but would you really want them going through your documents and seeing your personal information
Or would you rather have parents who care and are concerened for both of you and will do their utter most to make things as smooth for you.
Even if it means clearing out the fridge so you don't come home, possibly months later to mould everwhere, or sorting out your post and contacting companies to say you are unable to respond due to unfortuante circumstances - need I go on?

Like I said it is close to my heart this one!

Blimey, lots of typos on my last one!!

Flippin' phone - it looks alright when I've done it, it's only when I see it on a screen that it is bad!

See your point, Upahill. Thank you, everyone.

Yes I agree with upahill. It's very important to have someone you would trust with anything have access to your house - someone who could (for eg) get your banking paperwork, or your underwear, or access your computer while you were out of action.

Anyway I think it is HUGELY relevant that the OP has clarified that she did consent to handing the keys over - or at least, she knew her partner was planning to do it and didn't raise any objection.

This is not about the OP's partner making a decision behind her back - this is about the OP changing her mind after the fact and causing (potentially) huge upset to everyone concerned.

sorry - cross-posted with you Happy. I hope you end up feeling comfortable with the outcome. Maybe as you get to know your inlaws better it will all feel more natural?