Depends whose "turn" it is, but if it's me:
6am - alarm goes off, snooze for ten minutes. Remember I'm supposed to be going for a run. Open the curtains, see it's raining sideways, remember I was awake between 2 and 4.30, give up the idea of a run and go back to sleep.
6.45- DH's alarm goes off, Today programme clicks on, feel like shit on a stick and wish I'd got up at ten past six when I felt ok. Resolve to get up after listening to the news headlines.
6.55- Doze off again...
7.15- Wake up and think "Feck, what time is it?" Realise it's 7.15, think "Oh well I might as well stay in bed for the next news headlines."
7.30 - Listen to the headlines. Shout at the radio a lot. DH groans in dissent mumrmurs in agreement.
7.35- Think, "I'll just listen to the sport"
7.40- "Right, I'll get up and have a shower". DH has crept into the shower. Shout "Oi, I was just going in!" Decide to get up anyway. At which point DD2 gets up, climbs on the bed and sits on me. One of the cats runs in the now open bedroom door and tries to eat my pyjamas while I'm in them.
7.45 - extricate cat and toddler. Go and wake up DD1 who grumbles and strops. Pick up DD1's clothes and take them both downstairs. Put CBeebies on. Ask DD1 to get dressed while I do them some breakfast.
7.50 - Feed the cats, let the chickens out and feed them. Step in chicken poo. Remove chicken poo.
7.55 - DD1 puts in a protest re lack of breakfast. I put in a protest re lack of getting dressed. I explain I only have one pair of hands. I give them their breakfast.
8.00 - Make sandwiches and get out their dinner, pack the bag for the childminder and retrieve school bag.
8.15 - Go in to living room and find DD1 still not dressed. Threaten to take her to school in her nightie. Remember I am not showered or dressed myself. DH appears and makes himself a coffee, smokes a fag outside. I remind him DD1 needs to be dressed in 15 minutes. I dash upstairs and into the shower.
8.20 - DH shouts "Bye I'm off". I groan "Bye" from under the shower head.
8.30 - I leg it down the stairs - now dressed and showered, but with wet hair and start yelling trying to get the girls out of the house. Realise neither has cleaned their teeth, DD1's hair isn't done and DD2 has no shoes on. March them upstairs to the bathroom, find one shoe in the cat's bed and one under the floordrobe. Add shoes to DD2 and speed-plait DD1's hair while they are at the sink.
8.35 - Open the front door, remember it's raining sideways and dash back for raincoats.
8.38 - Bundle them up the road carrying multiple bags playing a chasing game to made DD2 run faster. Drop DD2 off at childminder at the end of the street.
8.42 - Leg it to school with DD1.
8.52 - Arrive just as DD1's line is going in. Give her a big kiss and "wave from the fence".
9.05 - Get a medium latte and a ham and cheese croissant from the station. Resolve to have salad for lunch and to get up in time for a bowl of muesli and a coffee at home tomorrow.
9.30 - Arrive at work. Oh joy.
