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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never want to go out again

39 replies

FrenchRuby · 05/09/2011 23:26

I'm over weight, I know I am but Im going to Slimming World and I've lost nearly 3 stone since may (had my baby in April). Im extremely sensitive about my weight, I used to have an eating disorder, I've been in recovery since I got pregnant last year and I thought I was doing well. I put on a stupid amount of weight in my pregnancy. After I had my daughter I started having panic attacks everytime I went out and thinking people were staring at me and used to avoid going out at all. Until I joined my Slimming World. And I thought I was doing really well and was feeling confident.
Until this past week. 2 days ago I was walking down the road and a guy shouted 'URGGGG' at me. I just shrugged it off but then about 3 cars later a guy screams out of the passenger window 'GO ON A FUCKING DIET' I've never felt so humiliated, there were loads of people on the road all looking at me. I got on the bus and sat at the back and cried. I felt so pathetic :(
And then again today I was waiting for the bus to go to the gym and some girls were in a car laughing and then she got out her phone and took a picture of me. (I know she took a picture because her flash went off)
Am I so much of a freak that people want to take a picture to show other people?
I never want to go out again.

OP posts:

BlueCat2010 · 05/09/2011 23:31

Are you seriously going to let these bastards get to you? If you stay hidden away they will have won!

You can always lose more weight if you want to - they can never gain any more brain

margerykemp · 05/09/2011 23:35

Congrats on losing 3 stone. It's hard but try not to let these horrible people get to you and please dont stop going out.

racingheart · 05/09/2011 23:35

Very clearly, from what you've posted, you are not the freak on any of these occasions. Hard to believe when you are in the minority. They are ALL freaks. Real freaks. Messed up head, no social responsibility, cruel and irredeemably stupid freaks. And likely always will be.

You on the other hand are going to SW to look after your body and be a healthy mum. You've lost a stack of weight so far. Walk tall. You're on the right road. They're not. The only opinions that matter are the ones from people you both love AND respect. No one can make you feel lousy without your permission. If it happens again smile to yourself, because you know who the real freak is, and it's not you.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. It happened to me once, when I didn't even realise I'd put on weight, and I felt shocked and down for ages afterwards. Some thick bloke with an IQ smaller than his shoe size, but still in those days it hurt. Now I'd just feel superior. They are beneath your contempt in every way, so I hope you start choosing to feel superior to them.

You sound really lovely by the way.

Original poster

FrenchRuby · 05/09/2011 23:38

Thank you for your nice replies :)
I know I shouldn't let it get to me but I spent so long trying to get out of the house and not have panic attacks and this is the exact reason why I was having panic attacks.
I hate that people think it's ok to talk to other people like that

OP posts:

missmogwi · 05/09/2011 23:39

Don't let these utter morons stop you living your life.
It must have really really hurt your feelings and no wonder you feel awful about it, but you have to get back out there and carry on. Don't allow those complete fuckwits and their stupidity to stop you.

blackeyedsusan · 05/09/2011 23:40

you can lose weight, they can't grow more brain cells...

keep it up. you are doing well. keep going out. take a friend if necessary. yopu will lose more weight if out and about walking and not in and eating. i eat far too much if I stay in.

Punkatheart · 05/09/2011 23:42

We shall all go out with you next time you go out and say 'Leave our girl alone!' Now imagine that we are all walking with you. I am sorry that there are morons in the world but remember that there are also some quite nice people out there too.....who think you sound lovely.

HeifferunderConstruction · 05/09/2011 23:42

would just like to say that is awful, dont let them make you a prisoner i am/been where you are

well done on 3 stone loss

FabbyChic · 05/09/2011 23:43

Hey there, you are doing fantastically, please don't let these arseholes get you down.

You should be really proud of yourself, hold your head up high in the knowledge that you are a far better person than these idiots.

Hatesponge · 05/09/2011 23:43

Losing that amount of weight is brilliant, believe me. I've lost nearly 4 stone this year but it's taken me since the end of January, so what you have achieved in the last few months is great, you should feel really proud of yourself :) I'm sure your family are.

I've been thin, fat and somewhere in between (where I am now). It's so true that no-one can make you feel shit without your permission. For every person now who says to me 'Wow, you look great, you've lost loads etc' there are others who would say something nasty (like a guy the other week who said to my friend about me that I had a pretty face but he wouldn't sleep with me cos he didn't date roly-polys I should add he had zero chance with me even before that comment!).

There are a lot of thick, ignorant people out there. You are much much better than they are - don't let them diminish you. And good luck with the weight loss :)

Original poster

FrenchRuby · 05/09/2011 23:44

I go to the gym with my sister in law. It took me a long time to get the confidence to go to the gym, but I go there 3 times a week now.
I know I have to just forget about it, it's this all happened in a few days and it's just knocked my confidence a bit.

OP posts:

Ripeberry · 05/09/2011 23:45

People who say nasty things to strangers in the street are the lowest of the low. They have issues NOT you. Carry on going to the gym and weight watchers.
Who cares what they think. It's what YOU think that is important.
Hope you make your targets soon and have fun getting fit

Original poster

FrenchRuby · 05/09/2011 23:46

hatesponge that's horrible! I wonder how these people would react if it was them on the recieving end?

OP posts:

lostinindia · 05/09/2011 23:50

I am totally and utterly shocked that people have done this. You have to rise above this as they are scum. They must be seriously messed up people to sink so low. You are doing incredibly well. Losing 3 stone in 4 months is incredible. I really feel very angry that you have experienced this. No one deserves that kind of abuse.

substantiallycompromised · 05/09/2011 23:52

What happened says far more about those horrible people than anything about you!!

You can't change the fact that there are ignorant, mindless morons out there. But you can change how you react to them.

Basically - what racingheart said so eloquently

Walk tall, you know you are making every effort to get to a healthy weight for you and your baby.

Well done on everything you have achieved so far. That really takes a lot of discipline. Be proud and don't let those awful people stop you from living your life!!!!

ChippingIn · 05/09/2011 23:52

You are doing really, really well - don't let a couple of tosspots spoil it all for you.

Years ago, I was walking along the beach and some lads shouted out 'whale' - I was mortified.

I was under 8 st. I was not a whale.

I don't really understand the mentality of these people - thank god.

MrBloomsNursery · 05/09/2011 23:53

It's not whats on the outside that counts, it's whats on the inside. You sound like a lovely person. The people who have made remarks on your body are callous, pathetic and have serious personal issues. Really, who the hell has time to look at someone on the street and then make a comment on how they look? Low class twats who have no life, that's who!! You're better than them because you actually are doing something to better yourself. They're not doing anything.

Please don't let these idiots ruin your life. Normal people don't have the time to stare at people on the street. They have issues. Just ignore them and get on with your life.

Original poster

FrenchRuby · 05/09/2011 23:54

Seriously thank you so much for your replies.
I feel like kicking myself for letting people get to me. I never used to care. Thing is, if its other stuff I don't care. Im heavily tattooed and used to get all sorts shouted at me but since I put on all the weight it's made me really unconfident and shy.

OP posts:

Hatesponge · 05/09/2011 23:55

frenchruby given that he was no oil painting himself (think Phil Mitchells older, shorter, uglier brother) it did cross my mind at the time that he really wasn't in any position to be slating other people!

TrickyBiscuits · 06/09/2011 00:01

That must have been truely awful

Agree with the other posters; don't give these shits any satisfaction, and pity them for the fact that they're stuck with their twattish selves for the rest of their lives. You, on the other hand sound lovely.

"those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter"

ChippingIn · 06/09/2011 00:12

You need to perfect the withering look - you look them up and down slowly and just raise one eyebrow

monoid · 06/09/2011 00:40

:( Bastards.
You're doing so well, don't let them bring you down. I always like to think to myself that one day the people who shout stuff in the streets will get fat and have abuse hurled at them What goes around, comes around.
I've put on a lot of weight over the last year or so and keep getting people asking if I'm pregnant I don't know why people ask if you don't offer the information yourself [sigh]

ThePopsicleKat · 06/09/2011 00:54

Really feel for you, OP. Rest assured that whatever weight you are, you will always have more class than them. I just don't understand the mentality of people who go out of their way to belittle others and shout abuse across the street to a perfect stranger. Or for that matter, people like you mentioned monoid who will ask you if you're pregnant when they barely know you.

You have done so well to get through your eating disorder, and to lose 3 stone this year. I've lost a lot of weight, and developed some quite strong issues around eating this last year. I've tried to move on and have put a bit of the weight back on after trying to resume a normal eating pattern, but I still feel desperately insecure even though I'm not overweight. I got a bit teary the other evening walking through town when some boy decided it would be funny to knock my lovely new hat off to entertain his mates - wondered if he targeted me because I'm 'fat'.

MotherMucca · 06/09/2011 01:10

Well done, Ruby! You are an inspiration.

My weight goes up and down more than a bride's nightie. When my son (who is now 9) was about a year old (and I still had not lost much of the weight), two blokes walked past me and said "all right, fatty?". I was, in turn, crushed, angry, indignant and unhappy.

I'm a much bigger than I'd like to be at the moment, but I have, from somewhere, found a confidence in my appearance and I feel quite good about how I look (even though I know I'd feel better a few stones lighter).

Think confident, even if you don't feel it, act it!

Don't let stupid twatfaced arse bollocky knobs get you down.

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 06/09/2011 01:40

Well... How much do you weigh?

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