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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be getting really fed up with people saying...

77 replies

kansasmum · 05/09/2011 14:58

"Oh bet you won't know what to do with yourself now your little boy is at school/what are you going to do all day etc etc"?

Grrrr.....
I work 2 mornings a week and spend another morning prepping stuff (I run a large toddler group), I run a Young mum's housegroup on Monday morning for our church and a birthday/cupcake business from my home in between and people think I'm going to be a) bored or b) sit on my arse all day watching daytime TV!!
I do have a brain and a life and although I miss my little boy like mad(today is his first day at school) its not like I am sat around counting the minutes til he comes home (well, ok I AM today cos its his first day but it won't be like that everyday!).

I really wish I was quick witted enough to come up with some really snappy, witty comeback!!!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2011 19:11

yes you're right. but that's not the issue is it?

the op wanted to have a moan. the fact that other sahm's may have spare time is neither here or there is it? it's totally irrelevant to this thread. the op does work from home

RedHotPokers · 05/09/2011 19:20

Thisisyesterday - I presume the people who were chatting with the OP had no idea she worked from home. They therefore made the assumption that she was going to have a lot of free time. This is what we have gone onto discuss - ie. that it is not unreasonable for people to assume that a SAHM whos kids are in school will have time on their hands.

CheerfulYank · 05/09/2011 19:30

Does anyone really not work once their kids are in school full time? Most people do something, don't they?

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2011 19:30

but that's it isn't it;... why would you assume that a sahm didn't have other things she was involved with or that she wasn't going back to work or whatever?

the assumption quite clearly is that if you have chosen to stay at home and look after your kids that you'll just be pissing about all day now they're at school

i find that pretty insulting actually

CheerfulYank · 05/09/2011 19:35

I would assume that she was working or volunteering or something. But the people in question are probably just making conversations.

CheerfulYank · 05/09/2011 19:35

Minus the s

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2011 19:37

to turn it round, it would be a bit like people sying to wohm "oh i guess you prefer having money than looking after your kids"

it's stupid. even if it is idle chit chat.
some mums do go back to work simply because they want more money... but it doesn't mean that all of them do, and if you had people keep saying that to you you would get pretty pissed off and rightly so.

well same applies here. assuming that a sahm will do nothing just because her child has gone to school is stupid. chit chat or not. and the OP is not unreasonable to get fed up of hearing it

RedHotPokers · 05/09/2011 19:37

None of the SAHMs I know have gone back to work yet (albeit youngest kids are only in y1). However, plenty of the WOHM and WAHM have increased their hours. But that might be just where I live....

halcyondays · 05/09/2011 19:38

Yes, some people don't work, for a variety of reasons. I think a lot them do voluntary work of some kind. I get people asking me what I'm going to do with myself when dd2 starts nursery. Given that the sessions are 2.5 hours long (and shorter than that until after half term) and it takes me at least 15 minutes to walk to the school, I will be more than able to fill the time with chores and seizing the opportunity to drink a cup of tea in peace.

Cereal · 05/09/2011 19:40

"a SAHM whos kids are in school will have time on their hands."

Maybe, maybe not. Either way, why should they have to account for all their time to nosy busybodies?

They might be volunteering in various ways (i.e. working but for no pay), they'll probably be doing their own housework unlike many who work and get a cleaner, they might have an unseen illness like M.E. which they don't discuss, they might be writing a novel and not want to tell anyone yet, or starting up a small business which again they don't want to talk about. But everyone will assume they're "doing nothing".

Cocoflower · 05/09/2011 19:43

Tbh I have worked since 13 (starting with weekend jobs of course)

I have to say compared to some of the jobs I have done the SAHM element of my week is far more demanding

This attitude of an paid job, any outside the home job is harder than SAHM... nope!

DoMeDon · 05/09/2011 19:51

Just to clarify I don't internally seethe about SAHM's. I was one, I now work pt- I joke that I go to work for a rest

The things is that the OP sounded to me like she wanted to score a point against people who are making shit conversation. Half the AIBU's on here would evaporate if people , like the OP, didn't take things so personally. She's busy, why not just say that back, why the need for a come back?

The hospiatl corners quip was to carrot and her burden of responsibilty at home. Come on- being at home can be demanding, demoralising but noone's got a score sheet if you leave the washing up too long or don;t tidy the toys.

waitofevidence · 05/09/2011 20:07

Pay no heed, it's probably just envy. I would love to be a SAHM as I am sick of working in the NHS.

porcamiseria · 06/09/2011 07:52

with hindsight I was a tad hard on OP, god knows I appreciate the voluntary run playgroups and stuff, they are a godsend for pre schoolers

a bit of green eye crept in huh as, as it stands I dont have even a spare hour, not OPs fault!!!!

thisisyesterday · 06/09/2011 09:29

porca. that's a really lovely post! it's not often people apologise on MN.

ArseyContarsie · 06/09/2011 09:47

porca

Utopian · 06/09/2011 10:03

I'm finding it difficult to understand why you would give a toss OP? If you're enjoying your self being busy with everything you do then what the hell does it matter what anyone else says or does! ...unless of course you are not in which case change it? Get a grip.

Tchootnika · 06/09/2011 11:21

There was a similar thread to this a few months ago.

I don't remember who gave this answer to the irritating "Whatever will you do?" question... (think it might have been worra, though, gawd bless her!), and it was the most sensible and direct one, i.e:
"Whatever the fuck I like."

Journey · 06/09/2011 11:39

Agree with utopian. If you're happy with what you're doing then you wouldn't be bothered by what people thought. It's just a standard question people ask for a bit of conversation. There is no need to give a nasty reply.

thisisyesterday · 06/09/2011 12:05

so is no-one allowed to be annoyed by people making stupid presumptions now?

i take it none of you EVER get annoyed by anything in the world ever?

teh OP is allowed to get fed up of people asking stupid questions you know. and she is perfectly entitled to post about it here if she so wishes;

Pandemoniaa · 06/09/2011 12:15

I'm never quite sure how it was that I missed out on this judgemental world of people questioning how I might be living my life and raising my children. However, it occurs to me that my failure to assume sinister intent from comments that were merely conversational overtures might have been a factor.

It's nobody's business how you spend your time unless you care to make it common knowledge. Likewise, people often don't want to know your business, they merely want to say something inconsequential. So just reply in a similar, light tone.

If you wish to elaborate, simply point out the fact that any fule already kno - society will go to the dogs if the national production of cupcakes slips below saturation level.

DoMeDon · 06/09/2011 12:31

TIY - noone said she shouldn't post and yes, all of us can be fed up about stuff. Personally I am fed up of oversensitive moaners.

Utopian · 06/09/2011 12:43

Get it TIY but if she was happy with her lot why should she be so defensive is my point?

I often get pissed with people coming out with utter rubbish but this seems to be a tad angry about very little and my question is why if she is so happy with her lot? I think in this instance it says more about her than the person who asked the question.

You are right MN is a forum for anyone to have a grumble, but its also up for people to respond to also.

thisisyesterday · 06/09/2011 15:55

don't read the threads then domedon

Eddas · 06/09/2011 16:17

Op, I get this said to me too. I also had the gem a while ago, whilst discussing something in the playground re sports day, 'but you don't work do you' I was really pissed off, but to be fair how was she to know that I work 15 hours in one job (in the office) 8 hours in a 2nd job (from home) and at the time was organising the village fete!

My repsonse to the 'oh you'll have free time is' well no, i'd love too but actually I am going back to work 25 hours a week, ie all the hours dc are at school as I can't afford the luxury of a day off when they are at school. I wish I could but needs must. I will still be doing my 8 hour a week from home job too so will be working fulltime once ds starts school. I just keep thinking of the money and how much we've struggled since ds was born to stop me wishing I could have a day to myself. Dh doesn't get one so why should I if there's no need

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