Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be getting really fed up with people saying...

77 replies

kansasmum · 05/09/2011 14:58

"Oh bet you won't know what to do with yourself now your little boy is at school/what are you going to do all day etc etc"?

Grrrr.....
I work 2 mornings a week and spend another morning prepping stuff (I run a large toddler group), I run a Young mum's housegroup on Monday morning for our church and a birthday/cupcake business from my home in between and people think I'm going to be a) bored or b) sit on my arse all day watching daytime TV!!
I do have a brain and a life and although I miss my little boy like mad(today is his first day at school) its not like I am sat around counting the minutes til he comes home (well, ok I AM today cos its his first day but it won't be like that everyday!).

I really wish I was quick witted enough to come up with some really snappy, witty comeback!!!

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 05/09/2011 15:36

well good for you !!!! are you very busy and stressed Sad
Grin

BTW if I won lottery, I would so get a Nanny and live at Gym/Bond Street very day. I would out WAG Collen and Alex

shineynewthings · 05/09/2011 15:40

  1. I think you are causing yourself unecessary stress getting upset about it. But....

  2. Whether you choose to work or spend all day watching TV is no one elses right or business to make a judgement of. That's the theme with society these days, people can't just be happy with their own choices, they have to be resentful of others if it seems they have it easier in any way. I work till I can't stand up, how dare you only work said hours/not work.

Why can't everyone just be happy with their own decisions and stop comparing themselves up with what other people do/or do not do, or have/do not have?

Now I'm getting unnecessarily irate.

wordsonapage · 05/09/2011 15:40

Sorry P
I'm not a wag but one of the evil Dubai set....

ack I'll probably go to hell and end up stiching mulberries in a chinese sweatshop..
Hope you win the lottery

Huffythetantrumslayer · 05/09/2011 15:44

Ah porca I hope you do win the lottery cos you don't sound happy Sad and it's not nice feeling stressed. i do ask that you throw me some so I can get a cleaner Grin

porcamiseria · 05/09/2011 15:46

words enjoy the sun, driver and nanny. and get those kids off to boarding school ASAP! actually you have done quite well to still be there given the crash

SnakeOnCrack · 05/09/2011 15:47

Well, you WILL have more time on your hands, which is why they're making the comment.. all you have to do is respond with a vague/short version of your post here surely?

nailak · 05/09/2011 15:51

i think sometimes working mums forget, that the time they spend at work and paying someone else to look after their kids, so their house doesnt get as messy, they dont have to cook as many meals etc,

like my mum goes on about how when we were little she had a spotless white kitchen, its only recently i clocked that we used to leave the house at 7.30 am and come back at 6pm eat and be in bed by 7, and at weekends we were out, so it is not really the same as a sahm who has the kids at home for those extra hours, even if the hours are only between 7.30 and 9 and 3.30 and 6, 4 hours of extra mess adds up to a lot, and in those times sahms would be not only cleaning but also entertaining kids, as childminders are paid to do with children of working mothers.

i mean you wouldnt think a childminder had plenty of spare time would you? so why a sahm?

fanjobanjowanjo · 05/09/2011 15:55

It's conversation, not designed to be offensive - it's natural to assume that without your little one at home you might have a bit more spare time than you did when he was home with you.

TotemPole · 05/09/2011 16:30

Working from home, running a business doesn't equate to 'not working', unless the the cakes bake and decorate themselves.

wordsonapage · 05/09/2011 16:31

Genuine lol @ P

niccibabe · 05/09/2011 16:52

YANBU. I have had people say to me "You have time to take DC out to activities because you don't work."

They tend to look a bit Shockwhen I say: "Just because I am based at home doesn't mean I don't work - I worked x number of hours last week on my business and expect to do x number of hours this week"

Shocked face is then usually accompanied by "How on earth do you manage that? I couldn't face doing all those hours and having a toddler" BTW I do have excellent childcare arrangements in place for when I will be working while DC is awake.

The bloody annoying thing is that the majority of people "congratulating" me on not working are other mums - usually at the said activity with their own DC - it turns out that the people who have chosen to comment are either on mat leave or woh part-time - doing far fewer hours than I do. So much for women supporting each other.

Anyway OP, have a Brew

JeanBodel · 05/09/2011 17:00

My comeback to this tends to be 'I'm going to spend 80 40 hours a week playing Star Wars Online when it comes out'.

As I move in geeky circles this is seen as completely acceptable, if not laudable, and people comment how much they envy me.

Obviously this only works if you are a gamer.

Birdsgottafly · 05/09/2011 17:16

In defence of women that don't work, not that they need defending, it's no-ones business, but most of the packages that i set up for people to remain in their own homes, wouldn't work if it wasn't for mainly female neighbours.

There is a lack of social care provision and i find that many women don't see themselves as regular carers, as far as they are concerned they are 'just popping in on a elderly/disabled neighbour', they are making a big difference in people's lives. The same goes with hospital visiting.

I have found that when a woman doesn't work her family/friends/neighbours often expect her to always be available to do favours, which doesn't happen with working women or men.

Voluntary work isn't given the respect that it deserves, either.

Cocoflower · 05/09/2011 17:23

Does no-one else see the irony in the working mothers saying the have no time for themselves.. yet have pretty much spent a majority of the day on MN?!

pointydog · 05/09/2011 17:40

Stop being so touchy. Stop jumping to justify everything you do.

GeneralCustardsHardHat · 05/09/2011 17:45

genuine question here, why do people a) care what others do to this level and depth and b) wonder how people cope when they work part time? Part time is a doddle!

Cocoflower · 05/09/2011 17:50

At a guess- I suppose no one wants to think others view them as worthless or unimportant in what they do especially if they feel they work very hard

Everyone cares what other people think to some extent

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 05/09/2011 18:18

OP - I think you are over-reacting

I was a SAHM for 10 years and it feels a bit strange when both my children had started school. "Not knowing what to do with yourself" (to me), is an expression of the change/loss that entails, not people implying you will be on your arse all day.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 05/09/2011 18:19

felt a bit strange

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 05/09/2011 18:19

Anyway - I was on my arse for large parts of some days. So what?

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2011 18:23

hmm interesting.

so if i worked in a nursery looking after kids that would be a hard days work?
but if i work at home looking after my own kids that isn't work?

okie dokie.

thisisyesterday · 05/09/2011 18:25

"Its just if you do the maths OP still has, outside of work/voluntary time a fair few hours free. hours that many people dont have. simple"

how'd you work that out porca?

she is busy 4 mornings a week. the rest of the time she RUNS A BUSINESS FROM HOME.

i mean obviously because she works for herself that means she has loads of spare hours.
Hmm

methinks there are working mums here with big chips on their shoulders

Cereal · 05/09/2011 18:28

YANBU. It's none of anyone else's business how you spend your time, and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

"I dont resent SAHMs that have oodles of time but if they say they are busy I will internally seethe!"

Why? You get paid for what you've chosen to do, presumably? And you have no idea how busy others are.

RedHotPokers · 05/09/2011 18:40

I do agree with Porca to a certain extent.

SAHPs who don't work (whether in or outside home) and have DCs in ft school do have approx six hours a day to get everything they need done. However you dress that up, that's a fair amount of spare time.

There are an awful lot of people who have to work and would rather not. It can be a bit galling when SAHMs talk about how busy they are all day long, when ft wohms are still doing ironing at midnight! Now obviously shit happens and life's tough, but it is a bit gutting, especially when the WOHP hates their job!

However, this is not the case re. OP, who has a job and seems to be getting upset about nothing, rather than just explaining that she actually does have a job .

Basically SAHMs feel the need to justify themselves by explaining how busy they are (partially I'm sure due to SAHM being underrated in society), which then galls WOHM - some of whom would give anything for some spare time. It all becomes a big 'who has it harder' fest!

kerala · 05/09/2011 19:07

Figure I worked so brutally hard throughout my twenties (junior lawyer in big City firm doing international deals) working pretty much every evening every weekend for years am done with playing the how hard do you have it game. Looking forward to revelling in having more of chilled life when dd2 starts school in 2013 have served my time thanks.