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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have told dd shes smelly?

69 replies

needsanswers · 03/09/2011 00:41

dd age 3.4 up untill a few week ago was absolutley fine with me washing her hair, she usually has a shower i put a flannel over her eyes tilt her head back and wash her hair, generally no water will go in her eyes because she doesnt like it, 2weeks ago it started, she starts screaming, stamping her feet, works her self up into a real state saying she doesnt want me to wash it? which i cant understand as ive been washing her hair every 2 days for her whole life.

I have tried calmly speaking to her, asking whats wrong, her reply is generally i don't want you to and crying and crying although once she told me it was because the water was going to make her eyes come out?? iv explained why i need to wash her hair, promising no water will go in her eyes...

I just don't know what to do about the issue, i tried once last week ( after this had already been going on for about 6days) basically forcing her she was soo very upset she kept moving that water did go in her eyes? was that the mistake i made?

This morning shower again with the refusal of me washing her hair i had had enough i was very cross and i think i over reacted, i told her her hair was smelly, and the kids at kindy arnt going to want to play with you anymore if you don't let me wash it... she still refused, i then told her she will not be watching any cartoons, she will be getting no movies from the shop, (we go to the video shop once a week were she gets to choose two movies she likes and dp and i watch them with her as one of our 'family activities') and no stories before bed until she lets me wash her hair!

Have i completely over reacted, i feel like ive been very mean because these are the things she looks forward to, but if i go back on what i have already said shes going to think i don't go through with punishments... she generally seems fine with the punishment and has a ' i don't care what you say you are not washing my hair' attitude atm arggg what do i do and how do i get her to let me wash her hair??
sorry for the ramble i was trying to figure the situation out while writting it down lol

OP posts:

festi · 03/09/2011 10:50

op why are you posting here then if you dont want peoples opinions???

do what ever you like to be honest I couldnt careless about your dds hair.

LoveBeingIgnoredByMardyBra · 03/09/2011 11:00

I bought one of this guard things which I'm hoping to try today. I have one of those cups with the soft edge but that's a no go. Think it's cause she can see it coming

RedHelenB · 03/09/2011 11:08

My ds always made a fuss about having his hair washed, but tough, it has to be done. If she's at nursery you need to be nit combing so you can't just leave it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/09/2011 12:12

I didn't like your post much either festi, unneccessarily touchy about OP being a hairdresser, which I'd say is quite relevant given the experience they have in caring for a whole stream of kids' heads. Good to know that you don't care about the subject... why did you post, exactly?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/09/2011 12:22

I must admit though, I have a friend who is a hairdresser and she comes out with all sorts of bullshit about hair!

marcopront · 03/09/2011 12:53

Could you take her to where you work and wash her hair in the sink there? The water will not go in her eyes and it might help eliminate that as part of the problem.

festi · 03/09/2011 12:59

just typed a post and it disapeared.

I want judging her for being a hairdresser, I just dont think that being a hairdresser qualifys her any more than anyone else in having a clinical knowledge of how often hair needs washing. I found OP defensive and sanctimoniuos and my respnoce reflected that well I think. anyone who tells thier child out of spite they are smelly when clearly they are not in my opinionis disgusting quite frankly. I did have an interest initially, hence why I posted, but after reading some of her responses, I now couldnt careless what she does.

JoInScotland · 03/09/2011 13:11

I haven't read all the messages, but I bought this device that you press onto the forhead, and all the water runs down behind their ears. My son also went through something similar, he hated his face getting wet. I had him watch people at the swimming pool have showers before and after going (we did too) and also bought this thing, which helps, and he watched me use it and critically I told him Dada uses it... that sealed the deal.

The washrag across the forehead and tipping head back is what I had to use when he temporarily went off the forehead device (for 5 months!)

Good luck. Sounds like you need to think this through and come up with some solutions when you are not tired/stressed out/just about to wash her hair.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 03/09/2011 13:17

Ok so you over reacted a bit, I'm going through the same with ds 4 and dd 2.9, its bloody annoying.

Shower/bath consists of me making a joke of it, come on smelly, in we get, I now get in with them. Seems to help a bit... They make a fuss so I explain stay still and I can keep your face dry, somedays it works somedays it doesn't. I also let the wash mine. That helps too.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/09/2011 14:49

Festi I wasnt judging her for being a hairdresser, I just dont think that being a hairdresser qualifys her any more than anyone else in having a clinical knowledge of how often hair needs washing.

I agree. Most children don't need (never met one that does) their hair washing every 2 days, that's bloody obvious and being a hairdresser doesn't give you the right to say you know better on this subject then anyone else. Especially when you are obviously applying rules to children (every 2 days) that should just be for adults.

Festi's original comment wasn't rude at all, she was just replying to the post but needsanswers jumped down her throat and was very defensive and rude in return.

By the way needsanswers, Curly hair is naturally very dry, dry hair is naturally more tangly so by washing it so often you are making both problems worse.

festi · 04/09/2011 15:08

yes exactly whosgotmyeyebrow

Original poster

needsanswers · 04/09/2011 23:22

fetsi i really dont care for your comments, and dont see y u r still commenting on this post..
whosgotmyeyebrow i wasnt saying because i was a hairdresser i qualify in telling people how often their heai needs washing, he comment made me seem as i knew nothing about how often i need to wash her hair etc, all i was trying to do was simply state (not in the rude way that u r implying) that i spent months learning about natural hair oils and dont believe every 2day is to often to wash her hair! i was defensive because she was being rude... and i in no way doubt that alot of hairdressers come out with alot of bulshit (as you put it), i wasnt trying to tell anyone what to do i was just trying to defend myself that it all.
i really dont want to talk about that poster anymore, she has said her piece, i have said mine and there is nothing wrong with two people haveing different opinions..

To all the other lovely MN'ers that had really good ideas... thank you! I over reacted! You have made me realise that i was making a bigger deal then i needed to, that she was being naughty, that something might actually be upsetting her... Tomorrow is the day we try out the special goggles :D fingers crossed!

OP posts:

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 05/09/2011 08:11

needsanswers I honestly think that you read her post in the wrong way, I often do that aswell if I am in a particular mood as ometimes it's hard to put the tone of voice on a message. Perhaps you should go back and read her first post. It really doesn't come across as rude, just stating an opinion the same as everyone else (perhaps a weeny bit blunt is all). I was very surprised when you took offence to it.

mumeeee · 05/09/2011 10:09

YABU. She's 3 and she's suddenly afraid of having her hair washed. You should try and help her not punish her. As another Poster has said you don't need to wash het hair every 2 days.

pictish · 05/09/2011 10:14

Here's what I think.

I wash both my toddlers hair twice a week. I do it as soon as they get in the bath, to get it out of the way. They both hate it, but I just get on and do it, despite the shrieking, taking care to be a careful as possible.
Then I leave them to play....and the fuss stops immediately.

pictish · 05/09/2011 10:19

God some posters on here are harsh.

OP - don't worry about it - hair washing is like teeth brushing or hair brushing....pretty much all of them hate it, but it needs to be done.

Am on my third kid now and have taken same approach with all....I get on and do what needs done, till eventually they accept that it's happening whether they like it or not, and give up fussing.

Goggles are a good idea....although personally I couldn't be bothered with the faff.

tryingtoleave · 05/09/2011 10:25

Little children don't have much oil in their hair - every second day is totally unnecessary. I can't imagine it is good for hair to be washed and dried more than necessary. My dd's hair gets done once a week and never looks greasy or smelly

LadyThumb · 05/09/2011 10:39

How about one of these:

www.drieyes.com.au/How-It-Works.aspx

biddysmama · 05/09/2011 15:24

my 2.5 year old doesnt like her hair washed so i got in with her and washed my hair by lying in the water, then showed her how to washe her hair "like mummy does" the bath has to be shallow enough for her to lie down in but it worked?

i dont agree with punishing her when shes obviously scared, even if you dont understand why, arent you scared of anything? alot of people are scared of spiders and crawly things, i dont mind them.

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