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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to meddle in this situation?

34 replies

reallyunsure · 02/09/2011 20:48

I have namechanged jic.

My DS2 is just about to go in to Y6. He will be sitting the exam for the selctive boys' grammar that DS1 goes to. His friend, lets call him P, goes round in an intense gang of 3 boys and 2 girls. DS2 is happily peripheral to this group and joins in occasionally, and I am friends with P's mum.

Now, the problem.

P is exceptionally clever and his parents want him to go to the grammar (P's dads old school). P wants to stay with this gang, none of whom want to go to the grammar, and they are all happy to go to the local school where all their siblings attend. (P is an only child). The other school is a very good school as well. But P will be booked in for the exam shortly, and his mum fully expects him to pass and wants to deal with the seperation issues when they arise.

P has confided with my DS2 that he's playing along with his mum and dad's wishes, but will not put any effort in on the day in order to flunk the test and therefore go to the same school as these important friends.

So, AIBU to mention this to my friend so that she has time to talk to P about all this?

OP posts:

Bigpants1 · 02/09/2011 22:03

I wouldnt say anything as P will know where the info came from, and that could have a knock-on effect on your ds friendship with P-and others at school.
It would be good, if Ps mum let her ds go to the school he wants, if this is also a good school. Hes likely to be happy there and still do well academically.
Perhaps you could initiate a conversation with Ps mum, along the lines of, has P expressed an opinion on what school hed like to attend.

willugotobed · 03/09/2011 00:08

OK so now I've had a glass of wine I'll be more honest. I would be absolutely devastated if my dc had a poorer education because of something as silly as a misunderstanding as this.

As a friend - if you did not tell me this - undboutedly my dc would at some point - and I would think you were one of those competitive types who didn't care about us and wanted my dc to do badly.

Why would you keep this to yourself? This is a child who needs guidance to get the best education possible. Nobody is friends as an adult with the people they knew at 11. These are not important friends. The education and you being a good friend is important and wanting the best for that child.

Sorry - had a few - I'll admit. But please do the right thing.

AfternoonDelight · 03/09/2011 01:30

Shame children do not realize their friends will change anyway. I went to a grammar school with two best friends and overtime we joined different circles.

garlicnutter · 03/09/2011 01:41

I think that what you said about the other school is important. It's a good one; he's bright so will do well there, if that's where he goes, and could apply for a later place at the grammar if he finds he's not being stretched after all.

I would probably tell his mum, in hopes that she may also take a more flexible view. It's horrible to feel pushed into a course of action (at least, it was for me at that age) so perhaps part of his sabotage plan is due to rebellion/resentment/fear?

garlicnutter · 03/09/2011 01:43

Can I just check - is he not allowed to opt for the other school if the passes the exam? If so, then maybe she can back off the pressure a bit and he'll already have the result on file if he needs to change later.

Nihilisticbunny · 03/09/2011 02:32

Poor kid, why can't his parents actually listen to him, he will be sitting the exact same GCSE's wherever he is.

I don't actually think it will make much of a difference if you tell them or not, they can't take the exam themselves so he will do what he wants. He is not a mini me, he will do what he really wants, although they may bribe/harangue him into the grammar, why exactly? What good would it do him?

iscream · 03/09/2011 03:37

Break your son's confidence, he may not tell you things in future. Will cause a problem with your ds and his friend.

Unless you were in the house when ds's friend told ds this, and then you can say you over heard it.

Will not change the test results either way, I would keep out of it.

zzzzz · 03/09/2011 04:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 03/09/2011 04:51

So you tell your friend. She talks to her child. He agrees to do well in the test, but fails anyway. Your friend will never b able tomb sure whether he did his betnor not. How destructive is that?

Don't say anything. It's probably all bravado anyway.

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