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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my sister's boyfriend what it would cost us to get him to propose to her?

50 replies

harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:35

I'd have to pay her to say yes too. Probably. This is the problem.

She's a bit of a commitment phobe. And I do understand. She has given me dozens of reasons over the years why getting married isn't a good idea. I asked her recently for one good reason to get married. She felt upset when I said that but I know it's not right for her. All of the blokes are GREAT, this is what's beggars, and want to be with her very much. The one she just broke up with is organising a weekend away for her to 'thank her for the lovely times.' I am totally serious.

Of course I don't want her to make a bad decision. I'm being entirely selfish.

I am an only child and DH's other sibling won't be having a family.

I get so sad sometimes thinking the girls aren't going to be having any cousins. We go away with othr friends with children and it's not that we don't enjoy it. I just do think: wouldn't it be lovely if this were DSIL and her husband and her children. And I feel really sad about it.

It doesn't EXACTLY help that I'm adopted either, in my home country without my DCs and DH and it's my birthday. I'm sitting here crying like a loon.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/09/2011 15:37

Don't interfere. If you're doing this anyway so that your DCs have cousins, that's ridiculous. Keep your beak out, it would be hugely insulting. Shock

Did you really think this would be the right thing to do? Really? Confused

Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:39

LyingWitch: For God's sake the title is fecetious.

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 02/09/2011 15:40

But she hasn't got a boyfriend.

Your sister's not upset. It's about you - but you have a family, easy to say - but be happy about that.
Why are you away and alone on your birthday?

scrambedeggs · 02/09/2011 15:41

how can you be an only child and have a sister?

Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:41

We were here on a holiday - my mom has breast cancer. I stayed behind to help out and got stuck here because of the weather. I've been trying to get home for a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:42

Sister in law.

OP posts:
Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:43

FUCK- I can't believe I put my sister in the thread title. How bloody FREUDIAN is that.

OP posts:
LoveBeingIgnoredByMardyBra · 02/09/2011 15:43

I am really confused by this whole thread tbh. Leave her alone.

PeanutGallery · 02/09/2011 15:44

I think the title should say SIL scrambled.

harriet, bear in mind that if your DSIL did get married and have children, they might well be little horrors who your DDs would hate Grin.

happy birthday by the way! Where are your DCs and DH and why are they not with you?

crazyspaniel · 02/09/2011 15:44

Marriage and kids aren't everyone's aspiration in life. YABVU to project your aspirations onto her.

PhilipJFry · 02/09/2011 15:46

She sounds like she doesn't want marriage and might not even be keen on having children. Not everyone goes down that road. Just because these men are nice and want to be with her doesn't make any of them her ideal partner who she wants to settle down and have babies with. Good on her for having the courage to end a relationship she isn't happy with.

VFVF · 02/09/2011 15:46

I don't have any cousins. It's fab Grin more attention and presents for me. Shame I have to share them with my stupid brother [spoiled brat emocion]

ShootinTheBreeze · 02/09/2011 15:47

How bizarre!

PeanutGallery · 02/09/2011 15:47

cross posted with your explanation.

Very sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds like you are worried about losing a close family member, you're feeling very lonely, and so you are trying subconsciously to think of ways you can build up the family numbers so that you and your DDs aren't in this position in the future... Understandable.

pommedechocolat · 02/09/2011 15:48

I'm considering paying BIL and soon to be SIL to have children immediately so that MIL can be distracted by other grandchildren.

In my mind YANBU :)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/09/2011 15:48

Facetious? No. Spurious and odd most definitely.

Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:50

Peanut
My brain is scrambled and I probably shouldn't have posted. My DCs and DH are back in England. We were here on holiday and also to see my mom who is sick. I've just been chatting to DSIS about her weekend away with this bloke this weekend and what they're planning. Acc'd to him they aren't broken up in his home country yet - he's planning osmething big, he said. I said to her: I wonder if he will propose. "Oh no, he's just going to thank me for the lovely times." Okay...I guess that's something blokes do regularly after they've been dumped. He is such a nice guy though it might be true.

I know there's every chance that we wouldn't all be happy families. I am just sad today really.

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 02/09/2011 15:50

aww I think I know how you're feeling a little. I feel a bit upset sometimes when I think about DD being an only and who will remember this childhood with her. I expect things feel quite fragile to you just now with your mum being ill. Families are important and your DSIL (and her carefree ways) is a part of yours but you can't change her - she's probably quite right that marriage isn't right for her.
How old is she BTW?

babysaurus · 02/09/2011 15:51

What a weird thread.

OP are you taking the piss? Confused

Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:52

Peanut - you are also right about me being worried about my DDs having some support in the future.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 02/09/2011 15:53

I don't get it - you said she just broke up with someone - so she doesn't currently have a boyfriend to bribe into proposing anyhow. Or are you just referring to generic 'boyfriend', as and when he may come along?

Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:56

Vivi - she has been seeing someone for about five years until recently when she felt it made sense to end it for professional circumstnaces, etc.

They are remaining 'friends' though and she is going out to see him this weekend. They are speaking every day.

OP posts:
Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:57

and OF COURSE I am not really going to bribe him.

OP posts:
Original poster
harrietthespook · 02/09/2011 15:58

Sandal - she's in her late 30s.

OP posts:
PeanutGallery · 02/09/2011 15:59

I can understand where you are coming from. I don't have a big family and sometimes wish I did. On the other hand, I don't really get on with the couple of cousins I do have... so I don't have rose tinted spectacles about what a big family would be like (which maybe you do, a bit?).

FWIW, I think that friends can often be better than family - after all, you chose them, whereas you can't choose your family. You clearly do have close friends if you go on holidays with them. (Many are not that close to their families!) Focus on that. Your friends' children can be "cousins" to your DDs, if you see what I mean.

No need to put all the pressure on your DSIL!