to ask you how much time you spend with your parents?

[knittynoodle]

I want to judge the responses really.

DPs family consider themselves 'close'. Older SIL goes to her parents house every day with her young son and spends all day there (I think thats so she doesnt have to cook dinner ), DP didnt move out until he was 34, and younger SIL and BIL still live at home. They are 27 and 20. We are expected to stay for dinner twice a week at least and DP goes round maybe once more than I do. We will be in the dog house if we cant make it.

There are only me and my brother and our very young cousins. We are what I would consider close, as our Dad died when we were very young, and our Mum couldnt cope and had trouble with alcohol addiction. Because of that my brother and I have a feeling of protection for each other and he'll often just facebook or text me, Love you Sis x My mum has been in AA for 5 years and is totally dry now and only expects to see us once a week. I like this arrangement.

Despite the differences, DP's family dont actually seem to get along at all. They spend alot of time bitching about each other and their cousins. In the same vein, because we dont see each other every day, they think our family is disjointed.

How does it work in your familys? Are you at either end of the scale or somewhere inbetween?

we may be moving close the the in laws soon and they are a see each other every day kind of family but i have a life which is not allowed with them especially as i have their granddaughter and am growing their grandson.

i have purposefully found a couple of houses 3 1/2 miles from them, they dont drive and would have to give me lots of notice i.e not just turn up on my doorstep.

i like my familys way, i see my mum every month - 6 weeks same with my best friend. everyone else i bump into once or twice a year.

I see Mum 4 or 5 times a year for one day. She lives 3 hours away by train but there is no excuse not to go more often, it just makes me sad. She doesn't want to visit me and DS as she does not want to travel. Have offered to collect her/arrange a car to bring her down but she wants to stay home. She is very lonely and I constantly feel guilty

I see my parents about once a month because we live 200 miles apart. I'll phone them most nights to check they're OK. Love them lots but I think, if we lived a lot closer (which has been suggested) we'd soon fall out. Which is probably where the OP's DP's family are at. Living in each others pockets can be lovely, but it can also lead to friction...

Arf at Trillian replying to a post and then coming back on it to say it should be posted elsewhere. Pack it in, Trills, you're getting tiresome.

We go and stay with my DPs about once a month. DM comes and helps DH (SAHD one day a week) about 2x a month and stays the night, which is lovely.

DH sees his DPs about 3 times a month, 2 x helping with DH with DD, once as a whole family (ie me too).

I'd happily see them a bit more but mine live 70m away, his live 40m away and all of us have busy lives. We are about average for our friends (well, the ones who like their parents) so to me your set up seems quite full-on tbh. And I agree with PPs that your scale is very short!

I see my parents about once a month, we do live about 200 miles away, if we lived in the same town I think I would probably see them several times a week. Dh sees his family every 2-3 weeks, they live locally.

I see my Mum 3-4 times a year she stays here overnight, plenty for me.

I haven't seen my Dad for a couple of years.

PIL live the other end of the country, so they usually come and stay near us for a week each year.

More than once a week sounds oppressive.

I see my parents about every 6 weeks, speak twice a week. my brother I see twice a year, very rarely see my aunts/uncles/cousins (mum and dad don't see them either, no falling out, just useless). DH sees his parents about the same, his brothers once a monthish, extended family almost never

I see my parents every day. My MIL about 3 times a week and will be back to visiting my Grandmother every week once she is out of hospital.

I see my mother a couple of times a week, she comes here usually. My father died some years ago.
My late MIL we used to see a couple of times a year. That was more than plenty-and we only went that often because I nagged DH to go!

I'd say I'm from a close family, my sister is always there for me if I need her, but we don't talk for weeks at a time, sometimes.
My mother is a real brick, always ready to help but doesn't impose too much on my life.

One of my children has already moved away to another city, we see each other about monthly I suppose, but talk maybe 5 times a week or so.
I fully expect the other two to move away, although each of the children/step children knows they could come back and stay for as long as they needed to at any time.

I have made it very clear that there are no obligations to come and visit at Christmas/Birthdays etc. It will be lovely to se them if they want to come, but I never want them to feel obliged.
We have recently created our own special Yuletide celebration -all getting together here for Solstice on 21st Dec, as the step children have difficulty being here for Christmas day. It is lovely, we all enjoyed it and all have requested we do that again.
I suspect that will continue as a family tradition that they can all be part of.

I love my children dearly, really enjoy them being here and they seem to enjoy it too, but I wouldn't want it to ever become a chore.

I think adult offspring should be free to choose how to spend their time, only coming to see you as much as they want to.
if you have had a good life together, they'll stay in touch without pressure.

I spend quite a lot of time with my mum as we are very close (she was a single parent to me, her only child, from 6mo until 18yo, when she remarried.) and I lived at home until I fell pregnant with dd and got my own flat. Now I see my mum twice through week of an evening, sometimes Saturday morning we go shopping or for a coffee, and she does a Sunday lunch too.
I'm quite close to my auntie (mum's sister) but don't get to see her that often, due to her work and she has remarried. I also have a cousin who I am close to, as he was like my big brother growing up, but again, he has moved away to Spain for work so our contact is limited to phone calls at the moment.
We don't spend any time with DP's family as they live in Northern Ireland, and we are in NE England, unless we go over there.

I see my parents about three to four times a year, ususally for a weekend or the equivalent, but I talk to my mum every other day on the phone. DH's mother will come to stay with us probably twice a year for a about a week and since she has been widowed DH visits monthly. (DH's sisters who live abroad have visited three times and six times in the last 20 years ).

We live a couple of hundred miles away from both sides (in opposite directions from each other). We would visit see more of them but my mum and stepfather prefer to stay in their home and the dc have so many activities at weekends we often can't get away. DH's mum likes to come for long periods and isn't the easiest woman in the world - note visits from her own daughters above - and I really couldn't manage it more than a few times a year.

We are well aware that as they get older we will have two sides to care for and not sure yet just how we will manage the logistics and are hoping that they stay relatively independent until dd finishes school, five more years.

My mum and dad several times a week, plus weekends away with them. Ils once or twice a week, bit more dutiful though.

Live approx 20 mins from my parents. I'm close to them and usually see them twice a week, have days out together (school holidays usually) and take at least one holiday with them a year. They also look after my DDs one day a week after school and have my eldest to sleep every week (and youngest on some weekends).

As for my extended family, I usually see them up my grandmother's (who I usually visit twice a week) but we are facebook friends and I know I can ask most of them for help if in need. Likewise, we're always there for them, if needed.

Live approx 40 mins to ILs and DH is not particularly close to them. I think he would like to be, but both him and ILs are lazy and when it comes down to picking up the phone, can't be arsed never seem to get around to it. We've seen MIL twice this year, and FIL once.

I see my df and DSM 2/3 times a year, dm 1 a year( she lives abroad) and IL's 2/3 times a year. Usually brothers and sisters tie up visits so we all get to see each other to catch up!

I see the PIL every day as they care for the youngest DS before and after school 9they only live about a mile away).
My own parents however I don't see as often as I would like. We maybe see them once a month/2 months and I feel horrible about it as they are only about 6 miles away, but it is the other side of the city and our lives are so busy with working/hobbies/ds sport etc.

but we share info all the time through texts/fb etc

I havent spent any time with my parents for 13 years :( but I do call at least once a week.Dh hasnt spent any time with his parents for 4 years but calls every 2 or 3 weeks.Its shit really but we chose to live here