Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit teary today over the fact that 3 years on, im still single.

46 replies

onefishswam · 01/09/2011 16:14

Its rather pathetic.
Just brought to a head by yet another internet date disappearing a day before our date.

I never thought when i seperated that i would be single for so long. Before anyone jumps in and says ' get hobbies, be happy on your own, or other cliches' i ususally am happy, i have a mostly full life, but bloody hell, i miss mattering to someone. I miss sex or any kind of affection.

I dont know what to do about it, i go out, maybe about twice a month, but its not anywhere where men seem to talk to strangers - ie meal out, or cinema. Everyone is in couples, i know no single people. I dont come into day to day contact with any males what so ever.

Im just at an absolute loss. Its my birthday next week and im another year older and i just feel that time is passing and the chances of ever meeting anyone get less and less and i feel sad for the time ive spent on my own.

blubs and stuffs chocolate in face

OP posts:
WineAndPizza · 01/09/2011 16:22

Definitely not being unreasonable. Hope you're ok and the chocolate is helping!!

Do any of your coupled up friends have single male friends that you could meet? I know you won't believe it now but it's always when you think you'll never meet anyone that someone comes along. What hobbies do you have - do you ever meet anyone there?

woowoo2 · 01/09/2011 16:28

YANBU

I know it sounds like a terrible Cliché (sp) but it does really happen when you are not expecting it/looking

I spent years on my own before I met dp. And when I did I was so taken aback!

I know you mentioned hobbies already, but try something like Salsa dancing where there will be men and women - my mum AND sister both met their partners dancing

Original poster
onefishswam · 01/09/2011 16:32

nope, noone knows anyone single. im the only one and its rubbish. Im always the one on my own. MOstly it doesnt bother me.. and then somedays, like today it just does.

Hobbies are a difficult one, i cant really afford babysitters so cant get out in the evening. Family dont want to/cant help out regualry so i can join any clubs.

I just cant see the situation changing.

OP posts:
SnakeOnCrack · 01/09/2011 16:35

Ah don't feel bad. I have plenty of single friends who are beautiful, friendly, funny, attractive etc but have been single for years. Don't feel like a leper.

What age are you? Maybe I could set you up ;)

porcamiseria · 01/09/2011 16:48

hang on in there with the internet dating, it does work eventually

do you work, or SAHM? any men thing through work?

agree with poster that said alot of very attractive people are single for a while, HANG ON IN THERE

and keep busy, and active xxxxxxxxxxxx

HedleyLamarr · 01/09/2011 16:56

onefishswam I'm in the same boat. Then again, I'm not very sociable Grin. Nor am I particularly good looking, not that it matters. It was my birthday last week, and I spent it on my own. That was the only time I've felt a bit down really. Most of the time I'm ok. I try not to think about it tbh. Smile

Original poster
onefishswam · 01/09/2011 16:58

i work, in an all female enviroment. I rarely come across any men, ever.

I am busy, i am active, but its just things with my child, or family, or friends,none of who are single.. and its all meals out and things like that.

Ive hidden my profile intenet dating for the momment, as im really disheartened by it all.

For example, as i type this im talking to this guy on msn, whos been asking me out for almost a year, and then just fails to actually make plans. He asked if i was free tomorrow night, and when i said yes, he said he was too. but then wasnt sure if he wanted an evening in or not.
i mean, for goodness sake.

what is the point?

OP posts:
WineAndPizza · 01/09/2011 17:19

Right, well ditch the MSN guy - if he's been asking you out for a year and it hasn't actually happened then he's a massive time waster.

Have you tried a few dating sites? What about your friends babysitting for one a couple of nights a month so you can get out to a class? I'm sure if you explained they'd be happy to help you out.

It's not easy when you work with all women but one of them MUST know a single man!

And Hedley - beauty is in the eye of the beholder!!

anothermum92 · 01/09/2011 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/09/2011 19:08

If you want a loving and loyal companion who will always be there for you through good times and bad, get a dog Grin

Walking a pooch is also a tried and trusted way of meeting caring men - it's amazing how many long-term relationships began over a doggy poo bin.

Offer to care for a friend's canine while they're on holiday and get fit while you're checking out the local talent.

cumbria81 · 01/09/2011 19:10

No advice but sympathy. I'm in the same boat. I have one single friend, everyone else is coupled up. I'm so lonely.

suzymiller · 01/09/2011 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

nametapes · 01/09/2011 19:26

It took me over two years to meet someone else.
I my opinion if you want something badly enough , you will get it. So dont give up on the internet dating sites...keep going. This was my train of thought....

SnakeOnCrack · 01/09/2011 19:27

Mystic housewife? Snort

cardibach · 01/09/2011 19:29

Wait til it's 13 years...
Actually, you'll be used to it by then :)
Sorry if that was no help.

FabbyChic · 01/09/2011 19:30

Try a different dating site, make it a paying one where guys are more serious.

girliefriend · 01/09/2011 19:33

yanbu I am in the same boat (alone) and am getting to the 'what on earth is wrong with me' stage??!! Also work in mostly female environment (I am a nurse) and get disheartened with internet dating malarky. How does everyone do it < thinking about starting a thread titled 'how did you meet your man?' hmmmmm>

RedHelenB · 01/09/2011 19:40

5 years for me, 3 children, work and a lack of babysitters means not so much as a sniff!! TBH, I reckon my time won't be until the children are more independent

RumourOfAHurricane · 01/09/2011 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

margerykemp · 01/09/2011 20:03

There's nothing to stop you going to bars and nightclubs solo.

Original poster
onefishswam · 01/09/2011 20:10

I have a dog, have done for years. I have never had a conversation with anyone half decent because of it, but then a woman, giant dog and child on a bike probably doesn't scream out ' I'm single,talk to me'

And going to bars on my own? Seriously???!!!!!

I've tried various sites, including paid ones and I can't see there's a difference.

The msn man I've blocked and deleted, but I am really at the point of wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

OP posts:
chocolatehobnobs · 01/09/2011 20:15

I was single for 7 years. Never met any men apart from at work. Joined an internet dating site for a laugh but only contacted guys around my age who lived within an hour, university educated who sounded like they had a sense of humour I.e. Realistic relationship material. I fell in love with my 2nd date which was 3 weeks after joining - I didn't bother with endless e mails and phone calls. We have now been happily married for 3 years and are expecting a baby.
Don't give up!

Hatesponge · 01/09/2011 20:31

I've been single for 3 years. I never thought I would be single for this long. So I understand how you feel.

PLEASE PLEASE ignore anyone who says any and/or all of the following:

  1. you're not going about it the right way
  2. you're not trying hard enough
  3. theres something you need to change about yourself
  4. you will meet someone on the internet

because none of it is true.

From my experience:

I have been fat. I am now thin (well, thats a stretch - thinner but still a 14). It makes no difference to my success rate, I feel more attractive and happier in my own skin, but I'm not inundated with offers.

I don't believe I will ever meet anyone online. I know people who have, who are very happy, married or going down that route. But I honestly don't think it works for everyone. So if it doesn't work for you, then you're not alone. I feel its rather like searching for a needle in a haystack. Or as a friend put it, a diamond in an ocean of shit Grin

I don't know where it's possible to meet people in RL. I work in a professional environment but dating at work is a minefield, and there are no single men anyway.

I do meet men when I go out (last weekend being an example) but they're not suitable - take last weekend's example: good looking, fab sense of humour, but 14 years younger than me and not looking for a relationship. So we had a laugh, a snog and that was that. Had I wanted a shag out of it I prob could have got one, but I've done the ONS thing in the past and I feel now at 39 I'm too old for it.

So I don't have an answer, or even know if there is one. But YANBU to be upset, it upsets me if I think about it too much. I hope it will all happen one day before I turn into Miss Havisham, but sometimes I really doubt it.

margerykemp · 01/09/2011 20:34

What's the difference between meeting men in bars and online? At least you can check for ring marks.

TheFlyingOnion · 01/09/2011 20:53

You sound just like me....

Single 3 years and 5 months, then met DP online.

Seriously, the internet is the only way to meet single guys in your position. There are princes out there, you just have to wade through a mass of frogs to find them....