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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to smile and make eye contact with people

72 replies

Bennifer · 01/09/2011 12:15

I just wondered how other people feel about this. If I'm going along a fairly quiet street and I pass someone, I tend to smile and make eye contact (and maybe say Good Morning). Now, I don't do this walking down Oxford Street, but I grew up in the suburbs and just seemed something I was brought up to do.

I'm surprised at how many people don't do this. Is this normal? Is this some strange cultural thing that people have forgotten? AIBU to smile and make eye contact?

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 01/09/2011 13:58

Stick with it OP I do it too and I think it brightens everyone's day and enriches your soul

I chat to people as well. I am weird

I have to say that in the south people are less inclined to be friendly and open till you know them - which I think is sad.

Direct comparison: when I run along southend sea front, I nod and smilr to fellow runners coming the opposite way. Without exception they look away

When I run near my mom's (Wolverhampton) without exception, other runners say "hello" or nod or smile or give a little wave of companionship.

The difference between the two places is really marked and tbh I always feel a little bit cheated when I run darn sarf! :(

Original poster
Bennifer · 01/09/2011 14:01

Curry,

I find that with runners - you think they would nod with a sense of recognition, but no. I find that if I'm out on my bicycle, especially on a Sunday, cyclists almost always give a nod and a smile. I don't know what that says about the difference between runners and cyclists.

OP posts:
Asmodeus · 01/09/2011 14:30

It used to happen a lot on the streets when I was young. Now people are too busy being paranoid.

legalalien · 01/09/2011 14:45

Happily I can report that the runners in my nearby dodgy SE London park nod and smile to each other.

I smile and say good morning / afternoon to people if the street isn't busy, if that makes sense. And I also yell "thank you" to the bus driver when I get off the bus. I may however be alone on that one.

Badtasteflump · 01/09/2011 14:48

Actually I think it's strange to make a point of not making eye contact if you're walking in a quiet area, there's only you there and one other person coming the other way; you pass each other and don't say anything - now that's a bit wierd IMO.

Original poster
Bennifer · 01/09/2011 15:08

badtasteflump

That's basically my position - it's weird to avert your gaze on a quiet street.

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 01/09/2011 15:11

Perhaps they are not so knackered bennifer Wink

Sometimes even raising my hand to wave is too much effort :o

Feminine · 01/09/2011 15:22

Where I live now (small American town) we all say Hi and smile:)

Same when I lived in London ...I am going back to live in the UK soon (countryside) I imagine the trend will continue!

If we all did it more ,I think it would be lovely.

Most people are nice.

ExitPursuedByATroll · 01/09/2011 15:24

Always used to say hello to people when out riding - and most people said hello back. Also dog walking tends to make people speak to you.

CurrySpice · 01/09/2011 15:25

It's just the miserable Essex runners then :(

Halbanoo · 01/09/2011 15:41

I moved here from a very friendly part of the States and was taken a bit aback by the lack of smiles around town. Now I frown with the best of 'em. (I live in Norfolk, though, and I swear they can probably smell a "foreigner" a mile away. My smiles were suspect, I imagine!)

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 01/09/2011 15:54

Londoner. I think Hi and smile when you're passing someone is fine, but I do avert my gaze on tubes / trains. It's the only time I get to read in peace & I'm sorry, I just don't want to spend it making conversation. I do give my seat to people and offer help if someone looks lost, though.

munstersmum · 02/09/2011 18:19

legalalien You are not alone Smile Use the ParknRide in York & everyone says thank you to the driver as they get off.

Ephiny · 02/09/2011 18:25

Fellow dog-walkers usually say hello or smile/nod when I'm out with the dog. No one else though (in east London).

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/09/2011 18:33

When I was little I thought my parents knew everyone as they always smiled and said hello. One day I asked how they had so many friends and after laughing at me for a very long time they told me that it was only polite to say hello to people. Now they (and I!) judge the places we visit by how friendly the people are.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/09/2011 18:33

Oh, so YABU Smile

OriginalPoster · 02/09/2011 18:34

In our small town, people are completely disinhibited. For example, I gave a passing elderly stranger some plums from our tree two days ago, as she commented on our tree, and she appeared in our kitchen yesterday, gave me a big hug and a pound for each of the children. My daughter said 'who was that? I said I don't know...'

But if I go to a bigger place, I have to remember not to chat to the folk at the tills, it gives them a fright as they're not used to it.

GotArt · 02/09/2011 18:41

I do it. But then I'm Canadian and somehow, I've been told, its ingrained in us. Grin

KittyFane · 02/09/2011 18:44

I say smile and make random conversation- did it today in John Lewis place to eat- DD and I ended up practically having lunch with the lady on the table next to us- we heard about her whole life almost.
It was lovely!

KittyFane · 02/09/2011 18:45

I say smile I smile

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 02/09/2011 18:49

I live in London and have always looked at and smiled at people.

My Dh grew up in a village and it used to embarrass me a bit that he says good morning to people. But actually, I think the vast majority of people probably appreciate it, maybe elderly people in particular.

As I've got older, I also instigate more conversations, eg at bus-stops. I hope not to an intrusive or irritating extent ......

I think it's nice to make contact

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 02/09/2011 18:50

GotArt - is that so? My Canadian friend is extremely open and friendly (brilliantly, charmingly assertive, too)

Bluestocking · 25/09/2011 19:43

Just reviving this thread to say that I live in Exeter too - I'll definitely smile back if you smile at me!

Conflugenglugen · 25/09/2011 19:50

YANBU. In the words of E M Forster: "Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer."

Conflugenglugen · 25/09/2011 19:51

Ah - looks like I connected a little later than most on here ... Blush

Grin