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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a bad feeling about this man i've dated......advice needed please??

70 replies

grovvymum · 30/08/2011 23:23

I met this man on a phone dating site which istumbled accross as i was just bored one day when my internet was down. I tought nothing of it as i dont really have time for a man however a chatted to a few which led to nothing. However i got chatting to oneyou know general stuff he sounded genuine guy ihad been talking to him for over 6 weeks. He askedme to meet him. I was a bit dubious but figured what the hell ive got nothig to lose. we had a good time together as it goes had a few drinks and a dance. took advice stayed in a public place etc etc. Anyway. At the end of the night we had a goodnight kiss when i got picked up swapped numbers etc. As soon as i got home he rang me. i thought that pleasant he just making sure i got home ok etc. however i couldt get him off the phone he was saying he really likes me. He said though he was having to sleep i his car as he couldnt get home ( he said he nly lived fifteen min drive away from were we met and wasnt short of money so surelycould have got a a taxi? now he did and does seem a lovely lad but i just sense something he not telling me. he says he been living in anoter part of country for a few years and not long got back round here living with his mum.

in the morning i was bombarded with messages of him wanting to meet me for lunch. He knows have children and that they would be with me that day but insisted and insisted he wanted to come and see me or go for lunch. I obviously put him off and said no i wouldnt meet him with the kids.

thing is he has been texting me phoning me andd is a lovely guy to talk to but when i asked him about an area near were he lives he didnt know where it was. he said he was on ebay and it his first time and i though ehh? that strange well maybe not but he has no email or facebook account. When we chatted and i mentioned tv programmes he seems to have no clue about them. he says he reads a lot so fair enough. He really wants to see me again and although i have been trying to be sensible and thinking maybe he just trying to butter me up and he a fake or just come out of jail or something like that or maybe i think i am being to untrusting as i do find it hard to trust men nowadays lol. He has pursuaded me to meet him tomorrow but i dont know if i want to go now tbh as he wants to meet me in my home town. What do you think are my gut instinct right you thinkor am i overky paranoid advce please.xxxx

OP posts:
CoffeeIsMyFriend · 31/08/2011 10:39

ok, so you have text him to say you are not goint to meet him as you are 'ill'. Now if he texts/calls you again dont engage with him. If you must tell him you do not want to see him again and dont want contact. Anything further from him is harassment. So keep a note of times/dates etc.

TheBigJessie · 31/08/2011 10:54

  1. You're not being paranoid

  2. Even if you were, so what? The start of a relationship is supposed to be enjoyable for both people! You don't have a duty to give anybody "a chance".

itisnearlysummer · 31/08/2011 11:16

1) You're not being paranoid

2) Even if you were, so what? The start of a relationship is supposed to be enjoyable for both people! You don't have a duty to give anybody "a chance".

Just in case you missed what TheBigJessie was saying!

Trust your instincts.

lubeybooby · 31/08/2011 11:22

Just to echo what everyone else has said ... run!

Call your phone company to find out about blocking, depends on the netowrk and type of phone.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 31/08/2011 11:50

As far as I'm aware you can't have an Ebay account without an email account.

Not sure why that stuck out to me.

Even if he is ok he just soudns too pushy which is unnerving!

solidgoldbrass · 31/08/2011 11:53

You must tell him that you do not want any further contact with him, not fanny around pretending to be ill. Just send a text right now. 'I am no longer interested in having a relationship with you. Do not contact me or attempt to contact me in any way again. Any further contact from you will be reported to the police.'
This is not 'too mean.' There is no need to worry about his feelings. You owe him nothing. You are entitled to refuse all further contact with someone you barely know who has creeped you out. And if he doesn;t go away after a message like that, contact the police and say this man is harassing you, and they will warn him off and nick him if he persists.

traceybeaker · 31/08/2011 11:57

Get a male friend to ring him on your phone and say

''do not ring my wife again''

Mabelface · 31/08/2011 12:04

You owe this man nothing, and he's coming across as having creepy, stalkerish tendancies. Get rid.

FiniteIncantatem · 31/08/2011 12:07

I agree with SGB, there is no point letting men like this down gently, you have to be very firm, blunt and to the point, otherwise they just do not get the message.
"I am not interested in seeing you, please do not contact me again." might just get through to him and honestly, if he ignores that then tell him you will contact the police as he is now harassing you.

adamschic · 31/08/2011 12:18

He most likely wants somewhere to live/someone to live off or worse as others have said.

It's nice if a guy you really likes rings to ask if you got home safely etc but balanced nice guys do not creep you out or constantly bombared you with communication.

FriggFRIGG · 31/08/2011 12:19

dont get a male friend to call him FGS.
just tell him not to contact you.if he's not a total weirdo,or out to get something from you,he'll perhaps learn something from your encounter,
if he IS out to get something,then theres no need to be polite,or lie,is there?

notmyproblem · 31/08/2011 12:22

Why are you even continuing to respond to his texts?

Just delete them without reading. Don't reply. Ever. Again.

Pretend he doesn't exist. He'll move on to his next victim quicker.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 31/08/2011 12:29

If your phone service provider cant block him, can they give you a new number?

thenightsky · 31/08/2011 13:08

I would tell him exactly why I didn't want to see him again... 'you are way too intense and I feel no attaction for you and, in fact, your behaviour creeps me out. Goodbye'.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 31/08/2011 13:40

I agree with thenightsky. If you just ignore him he'll keep trying. He might even think you're busy/you're phones broken etc.

Be honest.

pictish · 31/08/2011 13:45

Why get a male friend to phone him....personally I think that's a crap idea. Why lie when there is no need to?

Simply tell him you don't want to see him any more. You're a grown up....you are allowed to put the kybosh on unsuitable suitors, without involving other people and making stuff up!

cuteboots · 31/08/2011 13:46

Have no further contact and leave well alone. Take care

JosieRosie · 31/08/2011 14:02

I agree with other posters who say that any attention whatsoever will be taken by this bloke as a come-on. That's up to and including telling him to eff off. Just stop responding, delete his number and never respond to him again under any circumstances. Do not get a male 'friend' to phone him up, just withdraw. OP, my ex was just like this guy sounds and I cannot emphasise how hard and fast you should run away from this bloke. You are saving yourself years of stress, grief, terror and heartache. Get on with the rest of your life and enjoy it Smile

WOOFtoyoulady6 · 31/08/2011 15:37

I'd just text and say you and your ex have decided to give it another go.

solidgoldbrass · 31/08/2011 18:39

There was a huge thread in feminism along these lines - the OP does NOT need to say that she is the property of another man to make the creepy one go away. 'I do not want any contact with you' is all the explanation she needs to give him. He is entitled to nothing at all from her.

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