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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a bad feeling about this man i've dated......advice needed please??

70 replies

grovvymum · 30/08/2011 23:23

I met this man on a phone dating site which istumbled accross as i was just bored one day when my internet was down. I tought nothing of it as i dont really have time for a man however a chatted to a few which led to nothing. However i got chatting to oneyou know general stuff he sounded genuine guy ihad been talking to him for over 6 weeks. He askedme to meet him. I was a bit dubious but figured what the hell ive got nothig to lose. we had a good time together as it goes had a few drinks and a dance. took advice stayed in a public place etc etc. Anyway. At the end of the night we had a goodnight kiss when i got picked up swapped numbers etc. As soon as i got home he rang me. i thought that pleasant he just making sure i got home ok etc. however i couldt get him off the phone he was saying he really likes me. He said though he was having to sleep i his car as he couldnt get home ( he said he nly lived fifteen min drive away from were we met and wasnt short of money so surelycould have got a a taxi? now he did and does seem a lovely lad but i just sense something he not telling me. he says he been living in anoter part of country for a few years and not long got back round here living with his mum.

in the morning i was bombarded with messages of him wanting to meet me for lunch. He knows have children and that they would be with me that day but insisted and insisted he wanted to come and see me or go for lunch. I obviously put him off and said no i wouldnt meet him with the kids.

thing is he has been texting me phoning me andd is a lovely guy to talk to but when i asked him about an area near were he lives he didnt know where it was. he said he was on ebay and it his first time and i though ehh? that strange well maybe not but he has no email or facebook account. When we chatted and i mentioned tv programmes he seems to have no clue about them. he says he reads a lot so fair enough. He really wants to see me again and although i have been trying to be sensible and thinking maybe he just trying to butter me up and he a fake or just come out of jail or something like that or maybe i think i am being to untrusting as i do find it hard to trust men nowadays lol. He has pursuaded me to meet him tomorrow but i dont know if i want to go now tbh as he wants to meet me in my home town. What do you think are my gut instinct right you thinkor am i overky paranoid advce please.xxxx

OP posts:
cheekeymonkey · 30/08/2011 23:48

If he is homeless or just out of jail it could be a roof over his head and this approach may have worked previously. It could be love at first sight for him but it obviously is not the case for you. Either way bad idea.

MyGoldfishIsEvil · 30/08/2011 23:49

Yes, do what squeaky said. Do not see him again, those are massive alarm bells.

ballstoit · 30/08/2011 23:55

He's probably after a one way ticket out of Psychoville...you went out once and he's now harassing/stalking you. Do not see him again.

winnybella · 30/08/2011 23:57

Perhaps he needs a place to stay/money-that seems most likely.

Of course, he could be a serial killer.

In any case, block him and don't see him ever again.

LineRunner · 30/08/2011 23:58

Indeed, he wants:

Somewhere to live

Someone to look after him / become obsessed with

Money

Possibly your children

Erm. Is that enough?

To paraphrase the first response, Run, Forrest, fucking Run!

Original poster
grovvymum · 31/08/2011 00:01

Thanks guys i am definately running. Its disheartening though, first date i yaers and i bag a psycho lol. just my luck.ha ha.

OP posts:
tethersend · 31/08/2011 00:03
SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 31/08/2011 00:06

Would have to agree. Run.

LineRunner · 31/08/2011 00:09

Now look, Grovvey, no experience is wasted in this world.

Learn, beware, move on and set your bar high. Smile

solidgoldbrass · 31/08/2011 00:16

Give yourself a pat on the back for having noticed that he's a nutter nice and early on and decided not to see him again. Next time, you'll notice even faster when a man is a loser.

HedleyLamarr · 31/08/2011 00:40

squeakytoy Tue 30-Aug-11 23:34:17

Get a male friend to ring him, and pretend he is your husband and has just discovered these messages on your phone... its a foolproof method

^This is perfect advice^ Do this, it will seriously scare him away. He is far too needy, you have to get rid, and this is the way to ensure he is too scared to contact you. He won't want to have to fight for you.

TinyWeeTeethGreatBigBite · 31/08/2011 00:53

Oh please, please run like the wind!

He sounds like my ex, same MO, he didn't do all that with me but this is how he has operated in recent times. And he is BAD NEWS and therefore, I can only surmise that this guy is also BAD NEWS!!!

HeadfirstForHalos · 31/08/2011 00:58

Whatever he wants this doesn't sound healthy. Change your number or block him and stay away.

HeadfirstForHalos · 31/08/2011 01:00

"Its disheartening though, first date i yaers and i bag a psycho lol. just my luck.ha ha."

You know the old phrase, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince Charming! Cheesy but true :)

DioneTheDiabolist · 31/08/2011 01:18

Don't tell him you are busy tomorrow. Either get a friend to ring and say it's off or you tell him that you will not be seeing him again. The message should be that you will not be seeing him again and will not be communicating with him again.

Morloth · 31/08/2011 03:37

You don't need to have a reason at all for not seeing him.

If you don't want to or he seems even slightly dodgy just dump and move one.

Send him a text saying 'I am not interested, will not be meeting with you and please do not contact me again'. Then block his number.

Original poster
grovvymum · 31/08/2011 08:53

He has already textme twice......how do you block someones number then???

OP posts:
CoffeeIsMyFriend · 31/08/2011 09:00

oh no, RUN! No idea how to block someones number, but I assume he only has your mobile number? This can be changed or contact your provider and ask them to block this mans number.

Just tell him you have decided not to see him again - or do as someone else suggested and get a male friend to do it for you.

Learn from this, do not be disheartened.

But for gods sake, do not contact him after you have said NO.

Cheria · 31/08/2011 09:01

Tell him you don't want anymore contact both by text and on the phone if you feel up to it.

If he continues to contact you change your number. If he somehow manages to keep on contacting you then you will have to take more drastic measures.

Be firm and strong, men can be real pests and the more persistent ones will even take what they think to be a smile in your voice as you talk as a sign that you're still interested.

Don't know how to block a number - I guess it depends on your phone.

Lunabelly · 31/08/2011 09:10

Yes, I'm sure Fred'N'Rose were 'nice' till they got in the car. Take everyone's advice, and run. Please trust your instincts. I ignored mine because they seemed so off the wall - but they were right.

Also, might seem a bit OTT, but just jot down times, dates, brief outlines etc. A) seeing it in b&w helps clarity and resolve and B) just in case he doesn't take bog off, loser no for an answer.

Cheria · 31/08/2011 09:32

I agree with Luna keep a note of times, dates and anything he says or texts. You probably won't need it, but you can't be too sure.

Most people like this just won't take no for an answer. But a very small minority could become a nuisance.

Original poster
grovvymum · 31/08/2011 10:11

yes its all too weird and i having kids obviously means being extra careful. Even if i didnt have children this guy sounds extra strange so i am taking all of your advice here on board. I have phoned orange and they said you cannot block someones number??????they said they didnt understand why people seem to think you can block they said even the police tell people to do this but they dont have facility?? which doesnt sound right. She told me how to add to reject list but apparantly this hasnt worked for blocking text messages as one just come through as i text him saying i am ill and wouldnt be meeting him tonight ( i m letting him down gently and when i get hold of my male friend am going to get him to ring him). He replied saying : "i will give you loads of tlc later and look after you". Defo a weirdo and he not going to take no for an aswer i can see it. So sooner i get hold of my male friend the better> :-)

OP posts:
ChizChizChiz · 31/08/2011 10:16

Don't text or call him again, ever. Why would you? You owe this nutter NOTHING.

Plus, men like this (i.e. unhinged) will take any sort of communication as a sign that you are, secretly, interested and just playing 'hard to get'.

Delete texts as soon as they come through. Block his number if you can. Don't be tempted to reply to 'explain yourself'. You don't need to. He will, eventually, get bored and move on. And thank your lucky stars he doesn't know where you live.

ChizChizChiz · 31/08/2011 10:18

Cross posts. Please don't bother with this 'male friend' stuff. Why do you need to let him down gently? Just IGNORE - don't reply, don't engage.

Lunabelly · 31/08/2011 10:37

Just looked to find out about blocking numbers - saw one post that says go into settings and allocate the unwanted number a silent ringtone. Worth a go?

If you tell your mobile provider that you are getting unwanted calls they might change your number. My provider has been very good about this. If your provider is being a cock, Virgin are great, very helpful.

You might think I'm overthinking this, but I work on the assumption that everyone's a cannibalistic serial killer an arse until proven otherwise. (Once bitten and all that)

And one last thing. Please don't give this guy even an inch. Because then he will take a mile.

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