Very tight SIL - regifts voucher issued 9 months ago - do I say something?

[Shebeen]

My sister in law, who I have many cheap/tight stories about just gave my son a voucher for his birthday which was in August - the voucher was issued in November of 2010. I really want to say something to her - would you?

OP I can understand why this bother you. If you put time and effort into choosing nice gifts for her DC and your DS knows you do this, then it's a bit like a slap in the face when he gets a second hand voucher that only has three months left until expiry.

Yet another thing I don't understand!

What's the problem? I am a generous gift giver and also I regift all the time. Its a waste of money not to do it. I actually keep a gift cupboard in my house. I sensibly keep a spreadsheet (very sad I know!) of all gifts I give and receive so I don't regift to the original giver. I see it as being sensible and not wasting money if I have been given good quality gifts that I can't use or aren't to my taste. A gift is a gift so no need for you to say anything unless you are totally ungrateful, incredibly rude or just despise your sil. Or all 3 of course!

Your SIL should have made good about the cheque, that seems to be pretty unanimous.

However- regifting is a good thing is today's wastrel society. Secondly, although you say she is well off, I often think tight people are either secretly skint or have been skint before and don't want to go back there. People think we are well off but it's so far from the truth. I have shamelessly regifted and when I spot it being done to me, I say nothing. We've all got to get by how we can and rent/mortgage/bills come before gifts. DH and I have 48 birthdays to deal with in a year for example. I can't buy something brand new for everyone.

Why didn't you remind your sil about the cheque? It seems very unlikely that she stole it- she's probably just forgotten.

Always assume cock up unless enemy action is actually proved.

What a daft thing to make a fuss about.

Good point seeker, it may be an oversight. She may be mortified when you point it out.

And if my child was ungrateful enough to comment on the date of a voucher he was given, I would say "well, if you don't want it there are plenty of children who do" and, if he didn't immediately look ashamed of himself, remove it and give it to someone else!

OP you sound very very ungrateful!!!!!!!!!!!! Your son has three months to spend the voucher!

Gawd! I had to read this just in case it was about me. I regift because we are given so many vouchers and as much as I do buy things in advance as and when I see them, sometimes birthdays creep up and I can't find something they'd like, so they get a gift voucher.
Does it matter if she's well off? How generous is generous? £10? £20? £50?
it's all relative, I feel wretched if I've spent more on all nephews and nieces and less on my own dd because I've spent it all!

Good point seeker. Unless my dc was telling me the expiry date so we didn't miss it, I would feel I had failed as a parent to raise such an ungrateful brat. I missed the line about her being well off. I am comfortable and it doesn't stop me re-gifting. If I ever had anyone slating me like this, it would be the last gift they received from me.

Good point seeker. Unless my dc was telling me the expiry date so we didn't miss it, I would feel I had failed as a parent to raise such an ungrateful brat. I missed the line about her being well off. I am comfortable and it doesn't stop me re-gifting. If I ever had anyone slating me like this, it would be the last gift they received from me.

YABU for getting involved in gossip behind someone's back.

"My sister in law, who I have many cheap/tight stories about"

DD was give a voucher years ago that we KNOW was a gift to the kid who gave it her
we enjoyed it

I'd either say nothing. Why would you?

Or, if I was feeling mischievous, I'd replace the voucher with money for DS...and give the voucher back to her at Christmas :) What could she say?

I was just going to write exactly the same as fourkids. I'd give DS the money to spend/save where he wants and give her the voucher as her Christmas present. It will have expired - but she'll just have to suck it up!

It's not necessarily re-gifted. Maybe she thought she'd get all her presents for this year sorted in advance, so bought vouchers for everyone's birthday just before Christmas last year? And she doesn't realise they have expiry dates?

Had she used the voucher to buy ds a gift you'd have been none the wiser.

I don't see what getting her to admit to re-gifting will achieve? Here's what I think you should do....

Say thanks for the voucher if you haven't already.
Take your child to the shop and spend the voucher before the three months is up.
Make a mental note in the future not to go to town on gifts for her kids - you will only continue to be upset at your efforts versus her perceived lack of effort.

Regarding the missing cheque, it really depends on how long you have allowed this issue to fester for and also what the amount was. Are we talking a tenner or a hundreds of pounds? I think you should tackle this as a separate issue - it has nothing to do with the recent birthday gift. Try again and get to the bottom of the problem by contacting the issuer and see whether or not the cheque was actually cashed, if it was then speak calmly and sensibly to your SIL and come to an agreement for her to pay you back........tbh though if this was years ago then you have let too much time pass.

Regarding the cheque, did you not contact the organisers of the raffle to see if it had ever been cashed in?

Why didn't you ask them to cancel the cheque as soon as you realised it was lost, and ask for it to be re-issued?

Regarding the in date gift voucher, I think you are just trying to embarrass her, and using your son to do so.

and I don't see what your gifts to your nieces/nephews has got to do with this; you don't give gifts to children in the expectation that your children get gifts back (and actually, your SIL has given a gift back anyway. It's just not up to your standard of gift).

I can't understand this at all. You want to tell her your son noticed he only has 3 months left on the voucher. Why? Seriously, why?? If you hate her so much, stop bothering with her.

What is the GV for? Unless it's a trip in a hot air balloon, or something else that requires lovely hot weather, can you not just make sure that you go out and spend it before it expires?

Yes, she's tight. Yes, she may have stolen money from your DS.
You know this about her, why are you surprised? she is not going to care, she is not going to apologise and it's ridiculous to expect her to, tbh - if she cared, she wouldn't have done it in the first place!

The problem as I see it is that you are upset because your expectations are too high - you put a lot of thought, effort and money into gifts for her DC and you expect her to reciprocate (daft) and then get upset when she (a completely different character with her own views) doesn't follow your pattern.

Change your expectations - and if you want to make sure her DC get presents of equal value to those your DC get, then reduce your input into gifts for them.

She gave your son a valid and usable giftcard - as many, many people have said, this is not an issue at all. Anyone who says you should keep the card until it is worthless and then give it back to her has more money than sense.

As for complaining about the cheapness of of an aunt who is prepared to take her nephew out on her own to some kind of event - it makes you sound like a grasping money-grabber. Maybe she just values different things to you.

SIL said she'd check about getting the cheque re-issued, maybe she forgot, maybe she's still waiting. You won't know until you ask.

I agree with everyone else. The voucher is still in date and your DS can spend it. Why didn't you do anything about the cheque at the time.