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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very tight SIL - regifts voucher issued 9 months ago - do I say something?

77 replies

Shebeen · 28/08/2011 17:03

My sister in law, who I have many cheap/tight stories about just gave my son a voucher for his birthday which was in August - the voucher was issued in November of 2010. I really want to say something to her - would you?

OP posts:
Sarsaparilllla · 28/08/2011 17:39

I think you're looking for reasons to be annoyed at her because you don't like her, he has 3 months to spend a voucher, what's the big deal?

As for the cheque thing, was the cheque made out to him? In that case she'd have gained nothing by losing it on purpose, you could've taken it up with the place it was issued by and got the original cancelled and reissued quite easily

Inertia · 28/08/2011 17:51

Not worth the hassle to say anything. Buy a new voucher with the voucher to give your DS plenty of time to choose. And the time to deal with the lost cheque has passed now. Think maybe just accept how she is and don't be overly choosy when getting SIL presents.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 17:54

You couldnt get the cheque reissued because SHE cashed it. Why the fuck would you let her steal from your child?

Why have you never followed this up with her? I'd never let anybody do any harm be it financial or otherwise to my kids. Lay down and let her walk all over you all you like but you are being a mug!

I'd say is this voucher still valid its over a year old!

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 28/08/2011 17:56

Sasparilla, if she's her SIL she may well share a surname with her nephew. Initials are easy to alter.

Daughteroflilith · 28/08/2011 18:24

There is nothing very wrong with regifting a voucher, but I certainly wouldn't do it with only three months to go. Depends what the voucher is for as well. If it was for a holiday company or a garden centre, say, I wouldn't be pleased Grin, but I assume that isn't the case. Or you'll have a very miserable ten year old trailing around a garden centre! I wouldn't even mention the expiry date to your son, as he will want to spend it soon. Only issue would be if it was for something like a computer games retailer, and he had his eye on a specific expensive game with a certain release date. The cheque business is a bit dodgy, though.

cjbartlett · 28/08/2011 18:32

May be she bought the voucher on eBay
I've done that before

reelingintheyears · 28/08/2011 19:35

Cheques are easy to pay into a different persons account.

DS got a £10 cheque for his birthday a couple of weeks ago and asked me to swap it for a tenner and i then paid it into my bank when i was in town.

Ds was too idle to go and put it in his own and wanted the dosh to go out with.

I crossed out his name and wrote mine above it and put his initials beside the crossed out name .. iyswim.

reelingintheyears · 28/08/2011 19:36

Also re-gifting is something my Mum does all the time.

Passes on unwanted stuff that she will never use.

Often to me and then i take it to a charity shop!

mankymink · 28/08/2011 19:47

What is it you're going to say to her? "How dare you gave my son a gift voucher that is still in date?" I don't get the bit about 3 months not being long enough to decide on a gift, surely kids know what they want more or less right away.

I admit she sounds a bit dodgy re the 'lost' cheque thing though. To not have even offered your son cash instead is bloody awful.

mankymink · 28/08/2011 19:47

give

FlyMeToTheMooncup · 28/08/2011 19:50

It wouldn't bother me tbh - the main thing is he's got a voucher to spend, let him enjoy it!

halcyondays · 28/08/2011 19:54

What would be the point if saying something? You can still use the voucher and I'm sure your son will be perfectly happy with it.

ticklebumpkin · 28/08/2011 20:00

Why didn't you just write an AIBU post about her cashing your DS' cheque and not giving him the money? Confused

Nagoo · 28/08/2011 20:13

If you say something be prepared for your son to get nothing next year.

Agree with the others that there is nothing to say about it.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 20:14

I'd not say anything about the voucher it is after all a birthday gift as opposed to nothing.

However, with regards the money your child won and she stole I'd be insisting on having that back or I'd totally cut contact with the conniving theiving bitch.

Original poster
Shebeen · 28/08/2011 20:34

Thanks for all the feedback. I understand that a lot you have nothing against regifting and if the voucher wasn't so obviously regifted - meaning she gave it closer to the date it was issued- I don't think it would bother me. It was my son who noticed the issue date on the voucher for those who mentioned it.

I guess I just want to let her know that my son noticed the issue date and see what she says - I would like her to admit to regifting as she always tries to pretend she is generous with her gifts. I have always been very generous in my gifts to her kids and put a lot of thought into them. She is much better off financially yet seems to give the least to all of the kids (not just mine and I am not the only one who noticed this tendency on her part).

RE: the chequq = it was issued in her name and she was supposed to look into getting it reissued. Thanks again for your thoughts.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 28/08/2011 20:51

Perhaps then you should be a little less generous towards her children if you don't feel it is reciprocated and you have an issue with that?

Perhaps your generosity is something she feels she has to 'play up' to and so she regifts nice things in order to try and match your gifts. Just because she is better off financially doesn't mean she necessarily has the cash to spend - earning more might just mean more goes on bills etc.

And I still don't see the need to let her know your DS noticed the issue date to see what she says? He's got a voucher that he can use to buy himself something nice, when it was bought or who it was originally bought for shouldn't make an ounce of difference.

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 20:53

So she cashed the cheque and did not pass the money on and yet you have done nothing about it? Why and yet you moan about a voucher.

I'd be more concerned she stole from my child to be honest than a poxy voucher with an early issue date, theoretically he paid for it himself anyway didn't he with the money she has of his?

zukiecat · 28/08/2011 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PercyFilth · 28/08/2011 21:19

It makes no difference who originally paid money for the voucher because it's got cash value. If it was originally given to her, she could have bought anything she liked with it - as can your son. Shame if you are bringing him up to be as ungrateful as you clearly are.

Sarsaparilllla · 28/08/2011 23:26

What the hell does the issue date matter?

Why does she have to "admit" to regifting?

Your son has voucher he can spend, I don't see the problem here.

You sound grasping and greedy OP

All of this, I don't get it? Confused

The cheque thing, yes she was definitely in the wrong, but I think you're being really precious about this, who cares when the voucher was issued, it's still in date, just bloody spend it

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 29/08/2011 00:07

So really, what you want is to embarrass her? Some sort of revenge? Perhaps you feel she needs taking down a peg? You want her to know that you knoooooow? You want to be the one who shows others what she's 'really like'?

Honestly - be a nicer person than that. Those things are not good.

If you don't want to give 'generously' - then don't. If you want to chase the cheque - then chase it. Don't be petty and looking for a way to humiliate her. If you have specific gripes - deal with them assertively.

worraliberty · 29/08/2011 00:19

I guess I just want to let her know that my son noticed the issue date and see what she says

I'd be too embarrassed to admit my son thought anything about it tbh

He's got 3 months to make up his mind what he wants to spend it on...if that's not long enough then tough tits.

Mitmoo · 29/08/2011 05:03

Fabby I am pretty sure it is illegal for children to gamble for cash prizes. So if he did and he won the cheque would have to go in SIL's name or not be issued at all. The SIL must have bought the ticket on his behalf.

diddl · 29/08/2011 07:08

She stole money from your son-she´s not going to care about the issue date of vouchers or that you think that they have been "regifted".

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