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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to seriously fucking HATE my mil!!!!

72 replies

lollipoppet · 28/08/2011 11:28

Perhaps hate is a strong word.... she irritates me to a point where I think I would like nothing more to just punch her square in the face.

History in a nutshell: she left dp with his dad when he was three never to be seen again until dp at the age of 15 found her (had a shit, shit time with his dad)- all this has affected dp a lot! anyway, when I was pregnant, they fell out over somthing daft which resulted in her not seeing her grandchild until she was 6 months old and after I called her and persuaded her to talk to us again!

anyway, she is sssooooooo selfish and selfcentred it is unbelievable! she knows everything there is to know about everything, has done it all and got the t-shirt. she doesn't want to talk about anything other than herself. she sulked yesterday and spent an hour not talking to anyone and messing on het phone because dd was getting all the attention (dd is 11 months, she is 50 ffs)

anyway, this is basically a rant to just get everything off my chest I'm so fecking wound up (excuse any spelling mistakes please!)

oh and she'll be back in a few weeks for dd's birthday and I really really wish she wouldn't come! is that really awful?

OP posts:
ledkr · 28/08/2011 11:59

You could of course hide the thread and thus the title Grin

Original poster
lollipoppet · 28/08/2011 12:14

Yes, it is pretty much everything she has done over the years (which by the way she just pretends never happened, which makes me even more furious) and it has built up to a point where I just can't stand her.

Fortunately they do live away so we don't have to see them that often. But have just left without even saying goodbye to dd!!

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 28/08/2011 12:50

You don't have to have contact with her. She is the way that she is, either accept it or keep her at arms length. You are teaching your DD that how she is treated isn't important by keeping quite. Have one big clearing the air and see if your MIL wants to carry on.

Just because you are capable of getting pregnant/ producing sperm doesn't mean that you can parent someon or are even a decent human being.

SinicalSal · 28/08/2011 15:51

Give it a rest Everlong, don't be so holier than thou. 'Not a sheep', indeed. OP is angry etc but has managed to express her frustration without actually causing long term damage to someone she's supposed to love. or maybe people should never get angry in the first place?

LineRunner · 28/08/2011 15:56

Does the MiL have a partner? You say 'they', like there's double dose.

MmeLindor. · 28/08/2011 16:02

Everlong
Perhaps the Op is not angry about the specific incidents, but the treatment that her partner received from his parents when he was a child? And the fact that it was the OP's gesture of reconciliation that brought this woman back into their lives - a gesture she presumably now bitterly regrets.

OP
Break off contact. You MIL hasn't changed over the years. She will not change. Ask yourself this: Are our lives in any way enhanced by having MIL around?

defrocked · 28/08/2011 16:06

she sulked yesterday and spent an hour not talking to anyone and messing on het phone because dd was getting all the attention (dd is 11 months, she is 50 ffs)

and she verbalised that she was annoyed about that did she?

everlong · 28/08/2011 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 16:17

You sound very chav im afraid.

usualsuspect · 28/08/2011 16:20

I agree with everlong

SinicalSal · 28/08/2011 16:21

What if it was about hating and wanting to punch someone else who really really hurt someone she loves? Shrug can't get all pearl clutchy about some sweary venting I'm afraid. OP knows the difference between anonymous ranting to relieve tension and genuine harm, I'm sure.

Thumbwitch · 28/08/2011 16:22

OP - your MIL is clearly not a giving woman. She left her 3yo with his dad. She may have had good reasons but it's doubtful. If she left her own child, do you seriously expect her to be involved with yours?
She sounds utterly self-involved and probably narcissistic - why did you want her back in your DD's life? What benefit is it to your DD to have this potentially toxic woman in her life?

What does your DP think about it all now?
And chances are she won't come for your DD's birthday if she's all that selfish, cos something more interesting might come up.

greengirl87 · 28/08/2011 16:27

I have pretty much the same feelings about my partners father! He is the most selfish, useless man i have ever met!
Everlong, if your partner had been hurt so much by their mother or father then maybe you would feel the same way! i know i would like to give my partners dad a real dressing down for the way he has treated his sons, and his first born grand daughter.
Unfortunatly OP people like this never change!i would just not bother with her anymore, she sounds toxic! We dont bother with partners dad anymore as its a total waste of time unfortunatly

everlong · 28/08/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 28/08/2011 16:32

I love my mother in law so to class those of us who agree in this instance as MIL haters is just plain wrong.

Her mil in this case does sound awful therefore we are not just jumping on any hate MIL bandwagon or should be called sheep ffs

SinicalSal · 28/08/2011 16:33

don't think I've ever commented on a MIL thread before everlong and I love my own MIL so your 'bandwagon' comment is a bit of an inaccurate stab in the dark.
But selfish people do annoy me, and I personally find anonymous ranting helps avoid RL bustups. I'd say that is where OP is coming from.

everlong · 28/08/2011 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeLindor. · 28/08/2011 16:45

Everlong
If the OP had posted 'I fucking hate my sister, she left her 3yo son with her abusive father and didn't get in touch again. When he was 15yo he contacted her but she has always been difficult. She is nasty and abusive and he has emotional scars from her treatment'

Would MNetters be allowed to call her a bitch?

It is not the relationship but the nasty person who is being slated.

LineRunner · 28/08/2011 16:57

Everlong, I don't particularly recall posting on a MiL thread before, possibly I have but I certainly haven't got an agenda about MiLs. The OP's original post only makes sense in the context that the subject IS her MiL because the problem includes the long-standing relationship issues between her DP and his mother. It's context specific, I would have thought.

I would have asked the same question (see my post) of any subject, actually.

I am really not on a bandwagon; and neither are most of the people I have met on MN. A few nutters, for sure; but I don't see the wagons circling.

diddl · 28/08/2011 16:58

If your husband & MIL fell out-why did you initiate contact again?

gailpottertilsleyplatt · 28/08/2011 16:59

This is one for the Relationships topic.

usualsuspect · 28/08/2011 17:07

No ,there has to be at least half a dozen MIL threads in AIBU at any one time

HowAboutAHotCupOfShutTheHellUp · 28/08/2011 17:09

Nice one, Everlong. If you had bothered to read the background behind the title, you might have saved yourself a well deserved pasting.

Sorry to hear about your dreadful MIL, OP. You have my sympathy.

PumpkinBones · 28/08/2011 17:20

I completely sympathise OP. And the context makes a huge difference. FOr example; I really dislike my MIL. And a lot of that comes from the fact that I have known DH since we were young, and I know how she treated him in the past. So when she is being irritating / self centred / patronising, I can't help but think of all the things she did to DH, and it winds me up even more, and probably to a disproportionate level.

fedupofnamechanging · 28/08/2011 17:31

I think your mistake was in initiating contact and trying to engineer a motherly feeling in a woman who clearly doesn't have any. She fucked off and left her 3 year old without a backward glance. What was it that made you think she would magically become a fit parent and gp now?

The best thing you could do now, is accept that she is who she is (which is a selfish, horrible individual)and stop trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear. Your husband and children are better off without her in their lives, so let her fade away and stop keep trying.

It's a nice thing that you tried to do, but it hasn't worked out. Move on and concentrate on building a lovely family with your dh.

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