to just want my houseguest to LEAVE!!!!!

[NorfolkBroad]

DP is away on a work trip abroad. We have a houseguest here for 4 days.

He is a male member of extended family, who comes up regularly to see dd, several times a year has been doing so for 6 years now.

He is very sweet with dd and she loves him.
He is usually nice to chat to.

BUT....he has never once asked us to go and stay with him and his partner.
he never offers to contribute to anything ie if we go out for coffees etc.
he has never offered to help with the cooking or suggests a takeaway.
he has never put the kettle on.
he has started to make snide little commments about my cooking and the house.
he never so much as brings his plate to the kitchen or puts it in the dishwasher.
he has TERRIBLE B.O and we cannot get him in the shower despite some HEAVY hints.
Finally my dog doesn't like him!

He is a retired person (not particularly elderly) so does not have any real idea of how busy we are although he HAS been doing this for 6 years so you might think he would get it!

Sorry, I just needed to escape from him and have a rant really. Any suggestions?

I was married to a man who didn't do bathing or washing his clothes (term time was good, he was in the PTA and they had monthly meetings so he always showered and changed for those). I shared a bed with him for over 20 years. I had four children with him. I had sex with him (usually voluntarily). Fortunately he didn't have BO. He did, however, borrow my trainers and make them smelly as well as muddy (despite the fact he had his own which were a completely different colour). He used to say "only dirty people need to wash", with a horrible whinny of laughter. WT actual F was I thinking for all those years?

At least you can send this stinking fish home and enjoy 361 days of odour-free peace.

OH Annie! Feel for you! Just a brief update. We had a little bit of success this afternoon, not with reference to the BO though! My dd wasn't feeling that great today so she suggested a different trip that was quite expensive. I told her, in front of houseguest, that it would be much too expensive for me to pay for ALL of us to go and suggested a picnic at the park instead. Well to my amazement, when I went into the shop to buy the picnic houseguest said "I'll pay for that, I haven't paid for anything yet!" I was flabbergasted! Still smelly though!

Aw bless him!

I know! But the irony of it was that I almost said "no, you don't have to!" However, common sense got the better of me and I thanked him trying to do it in a not too effusive way!

I'm disgusted that people think he should go swimming when he stinks. There's obviously no way this guy is going to shower before he gets into the pool.

Why do you let him come to stay for such long periods and so frequently? Why doesn't his partner come too?

I think we do need to know the relationship to know whether he should be there at all, given the way he behaves.

The relationship is none of our - your - business, Imperial! OP has told us he is 'like family', and that she wants her DD to have a good ongoing relationship with him.

Norfolk - great that he offered to stump up for outing, hope you all had a great time. Perhaps that issue was one of awkwardness or lack of awareness, rather than meanness? Still, don't be put off form dropping more hints, or the B&B idea...

I'd just come out with it and say something to him, along the lines of "You know, I'd be happy for you to pitch in with us when you come and stay, such as chip in for food costs and help a little around the house etc."

He sounds thick skinned, so a direct approach might not cause offence. And even if it does a bit, why bite your lip and just tolerate it? If he was a regular visitor to my house I would definitely speak up....there's nothing wrong with doing so.

Thanks all, yes he is thick skinned for sure but I am pleased with this small victory and will build on it next time.

Imperial- ummm no! What is the point of me telling you the relationship? He is a long term part of our family and is especially important to my dd. I want to maintain a relationship with him. I don't want people's opinions on that, it's not up for debate. I've explained why his partner doesn't always come...people do not always have to come with their partners anyway! I often visit people without my DP because she works abroad alot.

Anyway, thanks all. DP is home now and she is usually more assertive than me so that always helps!

NorfolkBroad Loving your subtle knack of getting a point across via your DD '...suggested a different trip. I told her, in front of houseguest, that it would be much too expensive for me to pay for ALL of us to go and suggested a picnic at the park instead' I'm thrilled for you that it worked and he uttered the immortal words 'I'll pay for that'...result. One small Victory for Balls.

He does sound like an important friend at the end of the day, and it gives your DD pleasure to see him...old me would use an excuse (liking the broken boiler - perfect), new me would ask him to stay at a B&B.

Thanks POL! Its hard going against your natural urge to say yes just to keep the peace. DP is alot better at just saying what she feels so believe it or not I was even worse before she came along. I hate confrontation but am learning that it is possible to assert yourself without being hated! Have just been watching a programme about Thai ladyboys so partner suggested I go and get some balls attached when houseguest is next due to come!

LMAO @ this thread. My cousin used to come and stay and he had a terrible adversion to all things soapy! in the end my husband just announced "let me take you upstairs and show you how the shower works"!!!

Hee hee! My DP is getting close to doing that. Will update during next visit....unless I manage to suggest a B and B!

NorfolkBroad No need to get the Thai Ladyboys involved!...just find your inner balls, often cunningly disguised as ovaries

A natural urge to be nice is a helluva hurdle to overcome...but it can be done! I'm a 'here to help, not to hinder' kind of person too and know the knots you can tie yourself trying to be the smoother of all paths.

Your houseguest is tho' a person to whom you have a real connection with, I'm sure you can find a solution...even if it means booking (and paying for - old me!) a nice local luxe B&B as a 'treat' next time because 'they're worth it'. Good luck, I know it's difficult.