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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just want my houseguest to LEAVE!!!!!

63 replies

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:17

DP is away on a work trip abroad. We have a houseguest here for 4 days.

He is a male member of extended family, who comes up regularly to see dd, several times a year has been doing so for 6 years now.

He is very sweet with dd and she loves him.
He is usually nice to chat to.

BUT....he has never once asked us to go and stay with him and his partner.
he never offers to contribute to anything ie if we go out for coffees etc.
he has never offered to help with the cooking or suggests a takeaway.
he has never put the kettle on.
he has started to make snide little commments about my cooking and the house.
he never so much as brings his plate to the kitchen or puts it in the dishwasher.
he has TERRIBLE B.O and we cannot get him in the shower despite some HEAVY hints.
Finally my dog doesn't like him!

He is a retired person (not particularly elderly) so does not have any real idea of how busy we are although he HAS been doing this for 6 years so you might think he would get it!

Sorry, I just needed to escape from him and have a rant really. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 22:36

Just after my last post my mum called to ask if we would all like to come round for dinner as she knew I'd had mad week and DP was away etc. BLESS HER! So we had a really nice night and my houseguest was happy because he had my mum and dad cooking (which is always amazing).

Anyway, thank you so much for your ideas, I will try them. As has been mentioned on here before many people are just quite thick skinned. We also spend time with the houseguests son and he is very slow to put his hand in his pocket so maybe it is learned behaviour!

Funnily enough my dd is desperate to go swimming tomorrow so zzzenagain it might work out quite well!

OP posts:
epeems · 27/08/2011 22:44

Swimming might be a good idea as it would get him clean. You could ensure he gets a thorough dunking by getting your dd to challenge him to a how many seconds can you stay under water competition.

Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 22:46

Great idea epeems! Also, they like you to shower before you swim these days don't they?!

OP posts:
epeems · 27/08/2011 22:46

And tell him you're putting a wash on and get all the stinky clothes clean.

Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 22:49

epeems, unbelievable as it sounds he only comes with one set of clothes! I think he changes his underwear but that is IT! UGH! My heart sinks every time I see him coming off the train with his tiny rucksack!

OP posts:
mankymink · 27/08/2011 22:50

Get him in the water tomorrow, and chuck a bar of soap in with him.

He could always buy everyone fish & chips as a treat after Grin

Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 22:52

hee hee, oh I am so horrible! Poor man! But...he does have a partner. Why hasn't she told him?!!!!

OP posts:
MrsBonkers · 27/08/2011 22:56

Male retired member of extended family that comes to see your DD without his partner?
How odd.

OneOfTheBoys · 27/08/2011 23:00

She's probably airing the house right now

Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 23:00

Mrs Bonkers, my dd's nativity was quite unusual and as a result she has a rather complicated family set up. My houseguest is quite a forward thinking older person who has had the same partner for about 20 years however he is retired and she is still working(so he has more spare time) plus they live separately so they sometimes come together and sometimes don't.

OP posts:
Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 23:01

hey! oneoftheboys I never thought of that! That's why they live separately!

OP posts:
TeamEdward · 27/08/2011 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 23:05

Thank you TeamEdward!

OP posts:
jasper · 27/08/2011 23:08

You smelly houseguest sounds very trying!

I don't get the bit about dd's nativity - can you explain?

CocktailMumma · 27/08/2011 23:12

My FIL has a BO problem because he comes from the era when people only had a bath once a week! I think thats is his only proper was of the week! So yes I sympathise much with that. I find the room he sleeps in when they stay stinks for ages after they leave despite changing the bedding and airing the room!

If swimming is an option then go for it! Infact next time he comes try out a few local(ish) pools whilst he stays - so he never goes more than 48 hours without a dunking!

Sadly my FIL sits on his backside only moving hos hand to reach out for a cuppa that has been brought to him. He is able but a lazy old git, so swimming with him is not an option.

TeamEdward · 27/08/2011 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jasper · 27/08/2011 23:15

thanks, Teamedward, I've never heard of that before

PreviouslyonLost · 27/08/2011 23:21

NorfolkBroad You have my every sympathy. I do have some experience of freeloaders myself.

What do you want the outcome to be? Houseguest not to stay at all or for you to be able to set acceptable (for you) boundaries when he does? That's the difference between a straightforward 'NO' ...and, finding your Inner Balls to stop being made to feel so uncomfortable in your own home. It's a horrible feeling.

Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 23:23

sorry that was a bit cryptic. Yes, I meant birth. I might explain at some point but it is a bit hard to describe and I didn't want that to become the topic of discussion when I actually wanted suggestions for dealing with my guest!

Thanks cocktailmoma I may well do a tour of the local swimming baths. We also have a problem with the room smelling for days when he has left...mmm! There is no easy way to tell someone about this is there?

OP posts:
Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 23:30

Yes POL, you being the keeper of the week's shiniest balls!!!!! YEAH! Thank you! As I have mentioned earlier we have a large and complex family and I am kind of the one in the middle of them all. Everyone knows what my houseguest is like, that is why my mum asked us over tonight but they also know that he is a sweet, caring person in other ways and that dd is very attached to him. I'll be honest and admit that aside from my mum, dad, brothers and close friends I am not keen on having people stay (our house is very small) but I can't just say a flat no because he is part of our family and he enjoys seeing us esp dd of course. Would it be REALLY mean to suggest a B and B next time?

OP posts:
PreviouslyonLost · 28/08/2011 00:46

NorfolkBroad before this week I'd have said to him 'No problem at all to stay at ours, and can I offer you a glass of wine?'...THIS week it's 'Get him to a B&B sharpish' Grin

Dorje · 28/08/2011 01:26

I went swimming with a stinky house guest also. Whiffy!
She was only staying for one night and i loaned her my deodorant in the change rooms - she had never used one... "really?"
I took her clothes and washed them.

Suggest boiler trouble and a BnB next time.

solidgoldbrass · 28/08/2011 01:34

Having read the whole thread my best advice is find ways of keeping his visits short and just accepting that he is a stinky old fart given that he is clearly an important part of family. That's the thing with 'family' (whether bio-related or people you have known and put up with for so long that they are kind of family) - you love them for their good points, get exasperate by their faults and minimize the impact of the faults on the rest of you.

Original poster
NorfolkBroad · 28/08/2011 01:37

Thanks Dorje and Solid, really good advice. There is no way of avoiding him altogether and neither do I want to but you are right it is about damage limitation.

OP posts:
jasper · 28/08/2011 09:13

Those of you who take your smelly houseguests swimming - do you cajole them into showering BEFORE they enter the pool?

Please say yes

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