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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in a big sulk about DH's late night

48 replies

hoopyloopy2 · 27/08/2011 08:22

So DH's oldest friend comes to stay last night (they see each other every few weeks) and after going out for a few drinks & dinner, they get in at 3.45am. I was awake worrying, then cross. So this leaves me tired on a Saturday dealing with kids while he will lie in and then try to pretend not have a hangover. Pretty sure they were just in a late bar chatting, not chained to a lap dancer or anything, so AIBU to think this is a bit pathetic at aged 40? I like a few drinks and a late night myself but this feels excessive.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 27/08/2011 08:25

To be honest I don't think it is pathetic at all, would you rather they came in at 11 and then kept you up all night laughing and chatting until the early hours?

To me that would be normal having a blow out every now and then and catching up with someone had not seen for a while and whose company I enjoyed.

You chose to stay awake not like he was out with someone you did not know the person is staying at your home.

Sirzy · 27/08/2011 08:27

Yabu. He is an adult so why shouldn't he go out occasionally and stay out late?

If he was doing it every night i could understand you being pissed off but your op makes it sound like it's a pretty rare thing

DialMforMummy · 27/08/2011 08:30

I see where you are coming from but if this happens only rarely, and your DH would be prepared to reciprocate then maybe YAB a little bit U.
DH have a agreement like this, I go out or he goes out and whoever stayed in also does the morning shift. And I ask him to have his mobile handy when out so I can text him if I gets late and I become worried or in case DC becomes ill and I need help.

rubyslippers · 27/08/2011 08:31

YABU

Why would you stay awake?

You enjoy a drink and a late night too

If it was every night, then yes, you would be entitled to feel cross

duckdodgers · 27/08/2011 08:36

Whats unreasonable about staying out late with a friend - hes not a child for goodness sake. You said you were worrying - which kept you awake - what were you worried about?

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 27/08/2011 08:40

Another saying YABU. As long as it isn't every weekend and as long as the money is there, I can't see the problem.

Spuddybean · 27/08/2011 08:42

sorry OP, in my eyes YABU. I would just ask if he had a good night, take the piss out of his hangover and leave it at that tbh. Then organise a night out for myself the following week.

Original poster
hoopyloopy2 · 27/08/2011 08:45

It's not so much that i was awake. I go out but wouldn't get in as late as that - 1ish is late enough for me. And it's not every night but DH does seem to frequently be the last one standing in a party like it's a badge of honour or something (midlife crisis badge more like).

OP posts:
zookeeper · 27/08/2011 08:47

If he didn't at least give you a quick call/text to tell you(not to ask your permission) that he'd decided to stay out late then YANBU - I would have been worried too

FetchezLaVache · 27/08/2011 08:49

YABU, but he should have texted you to let you know he was OK.

Original poster
hoopyloopy2 · 27/08/2011 08:50

No text or call.

OP posts:
redwineformethanks · 27/08/2011 08:50

My DH does this sometimes and it slightly irritates me. I think there's something a bit sad about people in their 40's showing off how late they can stay up. However it's not that often and I'm sure I do things that irritate him so I tend to let it go

duckdodgers · 27/08/2011 08:50

But what were you worried about?

Hes not you and people have different opinion son whats "late", 1ish might may late enough for you but that doesnt mean your DH has to be home at the same time that you think is late.

Shutupanddrive · 27/08/2011 08:50

I would be a bit pissed off, as he is assuming he can have a lie-in while you see to the dc's. Make sure it's your turn for a lie-in tomorrow

lilolilmanchester · 27/08/2011 08:52

If my oldest friend came to stay I'd be out that late, I'm older than your DH and don't think it's pathetic, so YABU. But if he's not out that late usually he should have texted you. Let him sleep it off a bit, then he can have the kids later and give you a break.

Spuddybean · 27/08/2011 08:54

so have you arbitrarily decided 1am is acceptable but 3am is not? Why is your timescale right and his wrong? Have you discussed a curfew?

If he'd come in loudly and woken up the children and yogged down his jumper i could understand (but still would probably just tease him a bit and make him do a manky chore as penance) but if he just came home after a good night out, i wouldn't be too bothered (unless we had discussed a home time or i had no idea where he was).

Collaborate · 27/08/2011 08:57

YADBU

Spuddybean · 27/08/2011 08:58

redwine do you think they are showing off about how late they can stay up? i just like staying up late chatting and drinking with mates. It never occurred to me that age would be a factor.

I often go out with my parents (60's) till 4am drinking wine and dancing round like a tit listening to music. I don't think they are showing off though.

argghh · 27/08/2011 08:58

YABU - I would be upset as I would be jealous !

40 is young!

argghh · 27/08/2011 08:59

actually when I lived at home still aged 18 I would sneak in at 4am, then my parenst would come in at 5 am !!

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 27/08/2011 09:15

YABU
he's an adult and can decide what time he wants to come in. The provisos are - he doesn't make himself too tired/hungover to participate in anything he had committed to the next day amd he doesn't disturb you. In thedays when my H and I shared a bed he would sleep on the sofa if he came in late so as not to disturb me. Incapacitating himself for the next day was another question, mind you...

susiedaisy · 27/08/2011 09:17

If it's occasional then I know it's annoying for you but I wouldn't let it ruin the weekend, if it's frequently then I would have words with him,

redwineformethanks · 27/08/2011 09:18

spuddybean I know various people who seem to be competitive about how late they were out, as if they're showing off about it.

Also, I do think that if people go to bed at 4am, they're not at their best the next day, so instead of doing something nice together as a family, the effects of the late night go into the next day too.

Original poster
hoopyloopy2 · 27/08/2011 09:21

Well he's still in bed now and had said he would take DCs swimming and some DIY today. We will see. Clearly i'm in the minority here so will try not to be cross, probably a good day to get my way on a couple of things in fact...

OP posts:
eurochick · 27/08/2011 10:25

Another vote for YABU here. He is a grown man. If he wants to go out late, that's his choice. I really don't see why you were up worrying about him.