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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

probably you will all tell me I'm a boring old fart but 13 year olds and highlights???

58 replies

lilolilmanchester · 26/08/2011 16:47

DD's friend has had her hair highlighted. Not just grab some "sun-in" from the chemist and do it at home but £100 plus @ salon. I'm Shock for two reasons... a) that 13 is too young to interfere chemically with natural beauty and b) ok, if you must, that kind of money?!!!

OP posts:
MrsRobertDuvall · 26/08/2011 17:53

Dd is nearly 15 and is making noises about hair colour.
I don't want her to home dye it....but equally don't want expensive highlights.
I can fob her off till after Xmas I think.
I used Harmony colour from 13 then henna Shock and so have coloured my hair for nearly 4o years.
Dd does have a dermalogica facial regularly, shaves her legs, has her bikini line waxed.

tabulahrasa · 26/08/2011 17:57

I've told DD she can have them done before she goes to secondary school (next year)if she still wants them, but she does have mousey hair, so I can kind of understand why she's been asking.

I'd get it done professionally though - there's nothing worse than a bad dye job, especially on a child. If I pay a hairdresser to do it I can make sure it looks nice and isn't a silly shade (too blonde) - and that she doesn't come out looking like a badger.

Ragwort · 26/08/2011 18:00

I agree with you OP - but I know I am a boring old fart Grin. I think it is incredibly sad that so many people (esp. young girls) are so bothered about their 'appearance'.

Maryz · 26/08/2011 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 26/08/2011 18:06

I was going to say about 14 as well, but someone further up has already pointed out it's not that far off.

She is going to dye her hair at some point and I would prefer a salon colour than a home attempt. £100 though! Shock

tabulahrasa · 26/08/2011 18:06

DS is already there, they won't complain about her hair - I'm happy to let her have some colour in a couple of shades lighter or darker than her hair, not anything particularly different, lol.

She has a few girls in her class already with colour in - much more obvious than anything I'll let her do.

MrsRobertDuvall · 26/08/2011 18:11

Some of the girls at dd's school appear with bright pink or very intense red...not for long.
Seems to be a trend for dip dyeing just the last couple of inches...bright blue or purple.

pink4ever · 26/08/2011 18:12

I dont think you are BU. I simply dont get this oh all their friends are doing it,lets be cool mummy who lets them do what the feck they like nonsense.
I am horrified by the way I see young girls dressing-especially to go to school!. They all have tacky blonde hair or jet black and dodgy looking extensions. Full make-up(trowelled on)false eye-lashes,fake tan and full manicures. Its vile.
Dont care if I sound like an old fart-back in the day I was actually considered one of the "wilder" girls at school.

tabulahrasa · 26/08/2011 18:16

Rofl, I'm so not a cool mum who lets them do whatever they want - but I'm happy to let her have a bit of her own way about hair for instance, where I only care that it's not ridiculous and then take a stand over something I care more about, like skirt length.

Pick your battles and all that.

Maryz · 26/08/2011 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 26/08/2011 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pink4ever · 26/08/2011 18:26

Maybe I have a different atttitude due to being mainly raised by my gps. If they said no they meant it and I wouldnt dare argue. Why would you argue with a teenager? they live under your roof,they live by your rules surely?. I got a tattoo when I was 20 and never told my gf!.
I think I am so determined to make sure my kids stay kids for as long as possible is because I have a sister who is a lot younger than me and seeing her and her friends on fb etc was a real eye opener!. Young girls posing like porn stars-what the feck!

tabulahrasa · 26/08/2011 18:42

Well if I tell DD no, she'll accept it, but if I say no to everything, it's obviously going to cause resentment.

I've said no to make up at school (yep she's asked at 11) I make sure her skirts cover more than just her bum - and because I'm willing to negotiate a bit with her hair (like I said I'm less bothered by that as long as it's within the realms of natural) she then accepts a no on something else and is willing to listen to the reason I'm saying no.

It is a dictatorship - but I'm happy to listen to reasonable requests... depending on what that is, I might still refuse it. But if it's something I'm not as bothered about, I might give in a little.

Mitmoo · 26/08/2011 18:46

I had perms, stackers at the time of Olivia Newton John I was 14 I think, each to their own. I was working a Saturday job to pay for it.

MrsRobertDuvall · 26/08/2011 19:46

What are stackers Mitmoo?

SpamMarie · 26/08/2011 20:26

My mam always said I could do what I wanted with my hair, but she was only going to give me enough for a trim. I'd have to pay for anything extra myself.

As soon as I could, I died my waist length hair dark green! It was awesome (oddly my mother agreed). I kept it for MONTHS. But if you disagree, you might want to volunteer to pay for your dd highlights lol.

Tigerstripes · 26/08/2011 20:59

I am also more concerned about the other girl having waxes at 9! Don't know why that bothers me more than hair, maybe due to being reminiscent of those child beauty queen programmes. shudders

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 26/08/2011 21:25

I'm not sure why and I know it may sound strange but I find the idea of teenagers wanting bright red/purple hair and weird piercings less worrying than them wanting highlights, facials and bikini waxes. Maybe because one is about pushing boundaries and the other is about trying to attain some sort of mythical 'perfection' perhaps?

PinkEmily · 26/08/2011 21:38

My DD is 13 and recently had her hair cut into a new style and highlighted, to coincide with her brace coming off her teeth after 2 years of extensive work.
It looks lovely - natural, but very different.
It is something she has wanted to do for a long time and it's given her a huge confidence boost, which is what we wanted for her.

I remember I was using shocking bright red 'wash in wash out' colour mousse at her age - it wasn't permanent, but it was far more extreme than what hers looks like!

Sarsaparilllla · 26/08/2011 21:50

I had my hair permed when I was maybe 12/13 and highlights/a variety of hair colours from about 14 onwards, I'm 33 now - £100 is a lot for highlights but if they can afford it what's the harm, better than ending up with a nasty brassy colour (which you get with sun-in OP :o )

When I was 14 I had a paper round, other jobs as I was older, and saved up to get my highlights or colours - I don't think I even asked my mum as such Confused

EssexVic · 26/08/2011 21:56

have to say i dint need highlights at that age but perms were the big thing and i had one done at a salon (though not a riddiculous cost!) and dont see the harm in it. i'd rather have my 13 yr old have her hair highlighted properly than a DIY job or even worse the dredded sun in which i know a lot of 13 yr olds resort to now days! Unfortunatley 13 seems to be what 15 was when we were kids!

pizzadelivery · 26/08/2011 22:32

DS had his hair highlighted at 9. He has ginger hair unless its cut shortish, then it looks blonde. He saw me having highlights and asked if he could too.

No problem, took him to hairdresser and he spent an hour or so having blonde highlights. He hated every minute, we both loved his hair though!
Six years later he is adament he wont have it done again, better things he could be doing!

I agreed in the first place because he got so upset about the 'ginger' comments he endured everyday, I don't use that word lightly and it still happens. Highlighting his hair taught him that he is the same even if people treat him differently. YABU

minxofmancunia · 26/08/2011 22:52

YANBU, there's no way I'll e spending £100 on high-lights for dd at that age, maybe when she's 17 but not before.

besides isn't doing a home dye job with a cheapo box of colourant from superdrug or obliterating your parents bathroom with henna a bit a a rite of passage?

Sarsaparilllla · 27/08/2011 00:19

there's no way I'll e spending £100 on high-lights for dd at that age, maybe when she's 17 but not before

At 17 I'd expect her to pay herself!

lurkerspeaks · 27/08/2011 00:52

My friends mother thinks women who dye their hair are 'fast' and not to be trusted with your husband.

I have to say you lot mostly sound equally ridiculous.

Experimenting with hair dye is a time honoured tradition. If parents are foolish or sensible enough to want to avoid the pillar box red, bright purple disasters my sister and I inflicted upon our parents by paying a reputably hairdresser a lot of money then that is their call.

I was a 'nice' kid and I was dying my hair at 13. £100 quid highlights would undoubtably have looked a lot better than the crap job I did by myself.

These days I have expensive highlights and most people don't even notice my hair is coloured - it is just an expensively improved version of itself.

Oh and the pillar box red hair dye affair (sister, not me) cost my parents a fortune as her school had a 'natural hair colour' only policy too and she was excluded until my Mum had paid the hairdresser to bleach the red out and put a natural colour back in.