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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little bit mean?

42 replies

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:10

Garden is full of kids, well five to be accurate and my son was starving, so I make him a sandwich which he had to come inside to eat. I felt like I should have offered them all a sandwich but I'm not a cafe and I can't afford to feed the locals. (One of the kids' mother's feeds mine and has him for sleepovers and I do the same for hers) but couldn't offer two sandwiches and leave three out. I offered them all a drink and an ice lolly. They are all teens.

Was I mean not offering them all ham sandwiches the same as my son?

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 25/08/2011 19:12

From what I know of teenagers from posts on here, they'd eat you out of house and home so no, YANBU not to feed the whole lot. Send 'em packing to their own mothers!

MadamDeathstare · 25/08/2011 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/08/2011 19:15

What MadamDeathstare said.

greatescape · 25/08/2011 19:15

If you cant afford to offer them a sandwich I think thats ok for him to come inside and eat his. If they were hungry they could always go home for something to eat.

thesunshinesbrightly · 25/08/2011 19:16

Talking out of experience..DO NOT FEED THE OTHER KIDS.

  1. you will never get rid of them.
  2. they will raid your cuboards
3.they will come round especially to ask if you have been shopping and ask for food.

etc....

Original poster
Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:20

I just can't afford to feed all and sundry so had to sneak my child in so he wasn't hungry but then he told them so I felt a right tightwad.

OP posts:
redlac6 · 25/08/2011 19:22

Did he not eat his dinner?

Original poster
Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:23

I didn't want to feed him crackers, I wanted him to have "proper" food, I did offer them ice lollies and drinks though. I am mean but also thesunshinesbrightly makes a fair point also.

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 25/08/2011 19:26

Mitmoo - You don't have to explain why you didn't feed the other kids or why you fed your child... do they not have parents to feed them or are they feral?

Don't feel bad you will never get rid of them if you feed them.

thesunshinesbrightly · 25/08/2011 19:27

Even ice lollies and drinks are bad

TheOriginalNutcracker · 25/08/2011 19:29

No it's not mean. I have had to do the same all summer, and have also had to tell my dc to stop giving food out to everyone.

I go shopping, they eat half, give the other half out and then complain when it has gone.

I have started hiding half of what i buy now tbh.

FabbyChic · 25/08/2011 19:29

Ive never offered anything my kids are now 23 and 18. They only ever had one friend at a time in the house and I knew they would be coming so they would obviously be staying for dinner.

If I only had two bags of crisps my kids wouldn't have any if I couldn't offer to others.

When my son has had sleepovers I've bought in crisps/biscuits etc., but generally all the dudes have always bought their own pizzas and food. They do it at every bodys house take their own.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:32

It's bad enough we have the trampoline that is a kid magnet plus I am very laid back and welcome kids into the garden to play with my son, as hes struggled with friendships (ASD) I just drew the line at feeding the lot of them.

I have got one child who knows I have ice lollies in and knocks the door to ask for them, so yes it seems as if you feed a teen you will have a friend for as long as your fridge and freezer is full.

I'd just like to keep it fuller for longer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:37

The sun shines Even ice lollies and drinks are bad

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 25/08/2011 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 25/08/2011 20:16

I'd just offer them some toast and say there wasn't enough ham for everyone. In my experience, they'll eat anything and everything.

NellieForbush · 25/08/2011 20:17

They are old enough to take themselves off home and make their own sandwiches so YANBU. You're not a restaurant. sounds like own Mum.

Of course if they were small children it would be different.

Purplebuns · 25/08/2011 20:25

He is a teenager? He can make his own sandwich. I wouldn't be feeding the others either unless they were specially invited.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 20:39

Purples don't sandwiches taste better if someone else makes them.

I have distant memories of Greggs. Grin

OP posts:
redlac6 · 25/08/2011 20:45

Did he not eat his dinner if he was starving at 7pm? I'm glad I'm not your neighbour with you having 5 teenagers in your back garden - don't teenagers hang about bus shelters any more?

LadyBeagleEyes · 25/08/2011 20:52

If it was a one off I'd just have made a big plate of sandwiches and let them share.
If it's a current occurence I'd just say if they want to eat then they can go home as I don't have enough bread or something.

Purplebuns · 25/08/2011 20:54

There is that Mitmoo, DH makes a fantastic sandwich, however I would see it as fostering independance in this situation Wink

Original poster
Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 21:03

Red I've heard some go out looting and rioting I'm more antisocial and have them trampolining in the back garden.

He is also a teen on a growth spurt, ham sarnies before his dinner is considered a starter Grin

Lady don't have the funds to feed ferals local children who turn up unannounced and certainly can't be hassed with an extra trip to Morrisons's to replace what the locusts teenagers have scavanged eaten.

One child excluded as his mum and I mix and match with each others children for feeding, sleeping, entertaining.

OP posts:
mich54321 · 25/08/2011 22:32

The other way of looking at it - why didn't their own mother's send them out with either money for a snack or food ? Also, if you do it once, they will be around everyday and like you say, it isn't cheap feeding teenagers. Although I do understand that you feel a little guilty now that you didn't do it, you offered them an ice lolly and drink so conscience clear ! This is of course because there were 5 of them, and it sounds like they don't play often with your ds. If there had only be 1 other child, or friends that your ds went to often and their mum did the same, then I would have given them a sandwich but I think in this situation YANBU.

MCos · 25/08/2011 22:47

Mitmoo, I would handle it the exact same way as you did.
I would offer ice-lolly/treat & drink if my kids were having them, but not any 'real' food.