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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little bit mean?

42 replies

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:10

Garden is full of kids, well five to be accurate and my son was starving, so I make him a sandwich which he had to come inside to eat. I felt like I should have offered them all a sandwich but I'm not a cafe and I can't afford to feed the locals. (One of the kids' mother's feeds mine and has him for sleepovers and I do the same for hers) but couldn't offer two sandwiches and leave three out. I offered them all a drink and an ice lolly. They are all teens.

Was I mean not offering them all ham sandwiches the same as my son?

OP posts:
biddysmama · 25/08/2011 22:50

teenagers are like cats.... if you feed them they will keep coming back...

Scholes34 · 25/08/2011 22:53

Depends on the time of day, proximity to meal time, distance of children from their own homes, what I have in and how I would like to think my DCs' friends' parents would treat mine. If it happens often, it would be good to do a few rounds of toast.

I would much rather be invaded by friends, than not know where DCs are.

BeerTricksPotter · 25/08/2011 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 26/08/2011 00:39

Are these the same teenagers that so kindly did loads of work on your garden, befriended your friendless ds, and were having a sleepover when your neighbour knocked you up in the middle of the night recently?

If so, you were mean and underhanded, to 'sneak' your son indoors to feed him without telling his friends what you were up to - if your ds couldn't wait to feed his face, you could surely have offered beans on toast or similar to all of them or sent them home?

You are also mean to sneakily refer to your neighbours' children as 'ferals'.

You are insufferably smug to impy that you are following in Camilla Batmanghelidj's footsteps by making your trampoline available to children who would otherwise be off 'off rioting and looting'.

And YABU to refer to teenagers as 'children'.

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/08/2011 00:48

Sorry Op, but izzywhizzy has hit the nail on the head.
I agree with every point she's just made.

ShootinTheBreeze · 26/08/2011 00:57

Agree. Totally.

ShootinTheBreeze · 26/08/2011 00:59

@FabbyChic 23yo's don't have sleepovers.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 26/08/2011 01:00

Also agree with izzy.

I was brought up to consider it rude to eat when you have guests, unless you offer them the same meal.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 26/08/2011 01:01

There are times I think Fabby and Mitmoo must be related. Surely such smugness must be hereditary in some way? Wink

yellowsubmarine41 · 26/08/2011 01:04

Tbh, it does sound a bit mean, although it depends on what you mean by 'can't afford'. If you mean there wouldn't be enough food in the house to provide basic meals to those who need them then yanbu. If you mean that you'll have to go food shopping a bit sooner which is a pain yabu.

It's the sort of thing my mother would have done and it's EMBARRASSING.

Pandemoniaa · 26/08/2011 01:05

It was always all or nothing in my house - within sensible reason, of course because I wasn't actually running a restaurant so suddenly having to feed multiple teenagers a 3-course meal could have been a problem.

But in the circumstances described and, assuming that nobody would die of hunger if they couldn't have a ham sandwich, I'd have made rounds of toast and invited everyone to tuck in. Probably far cheaper than dishing out lollies.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 26/08/2011 04:58

Izzy No they weren't those children, only one of them was from that group, two I hadn't even seen before, the other I know but don't see him regularly. I did explain to that child's Mum what had happened and it was not a snub to her child. Her child is constantly hungry and I've fed him happily loads of times over the holidays, so ther was no problem there at all.

So typical of you to jump to the wrong conclusions though in order to be able to paint the blackest picture.

I refuse to bite as it appears to be exactly what you want.very sad ROLLS EYES.......

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 26/08/2011 09:47

The unreasonableness was singling out your child to feed him. You should either have given the same to everyone or made him wait until later.

ImperialBlether · 26/08/2011 19:27

But that's ridiculous! If you're on a very tight budget, you just can't afford to feed a large group of teenagers, when only one of them is yours.

Why should the OP feel guilty if she can't afford to feed other people's children?

yellowsubmarine41 · 26/08/2011 19:41

Because she asked what people thought and they gave their opinions!

marriedinwhite · 26/08/2011 19:41

I would do what the Romans do. If most of the other mothers wouldn't make a plate of sarnies to share so it all worked out even stevens in the end then I wouldn't either. Here it's pretty common practice to offer hospitality but it is always returned by all; if it wasn't then I wouldn't do it. Often don't have to feed mine for 2/3 nights a week (in the holidays at least) but then once a fortnight (sometimes more) I might feed mine and four more. Sometimes it might just be mountains of pasta or chilli and sometimes it might be ordering in pizzas - on a Friday and if I've been at work all day.

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/08/2011 20:53

Married, I agree with you and that's always been the case with my son and his mates.
To make a pile of sandwiches with cheese/ham or whatevers in your cupboard is not going to break the bank.
How much is a loaf of bread, ffs.
And I'm speaking as someone at the very lowest end of the wage scale.

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