Helicopters in the park

[deliakate]

the parents, I mean. This bugs me - DS is just 2, and I think he is old enough for me to be able to sit down on a bench whilst he plays. Keeping an eye obv for the one dangerous area - the swings - where he could get kicked. Normally I am the only mum attempting this, despite many of the kids there at the moment clearly being 5+. Sometimes dads are the worst. Can't kids learn to push each other around the roundabout, and actually have fun and make friends with other kids without their parents guiding them around what is essentially a small space designed specifically for kids to explore safely on their own???

Sorry if this has been done before.

My friend lets her 2 year old 'explore', he is generally a pest and ends up getting into all kinds of mischief.

My older two (nearly 8 and 5) are away and playing as soon as we get into the park, they generally don't need me to help them and usually make friends and explore, my nearly 2yo still needs 100% supervision, I long for the day I can sit and read a book.

I dont think a packed playground during school holidays is a good place to let a 2yo explore on her own. When mine were that age i was trying to go when the place was quite so i could let them a bit, but when it was busy with older children i couldn't.

lemonslice i thought the same. I am away atm and i thought something bad happened back in UK .

Parents dont helicopter parent their child(ren) because they are trying to protect them, they helicopter parent them because they think it makes them look good 'oh darling, don't do that, say sorry to the other child' sweet sickly smile

I think the problem is the size of the parents in the space, parents take up so much room they end up being a hazard themselves.
Its the same at soft-play areas, some parents literally climb all over the equipment, bent and stooped through tunnels, even sliding down childrens slides - its crazy - the kids are basically in a padded cell as it is - why the need for constant suicide watch too?

There are times where people have to helicopter their children like SN's. I think SN aside its fine to helicopter in the early years, but as the child gets to school age then its a no no, let the child be a child and explore for themselves without you hovering near.

YABU. It completely depends on the context, whether you know the other children in the park, how big it is and whether you can see your child at all times, and how your child is likely to behave around other children. Small playpark where you can see everything, only a handful of other children around and a child who can be trusted not to hit or push - of course that is fine. Large crowded playground and a child who likes to bite anyone who gets in their way - no probably not! I speak as someone whose 15mo was bitten only last week by a 3/4 year old who wanted her to get off the slide and whose parents were nowhere to be seen (and yes I am judging them!).

And as others have said playing with your children on the swings and slides is fun, for Dads who work outside the home all week it might be a nice chance to catch up. Sneering at that seems a bit mean.

Perhaps the helicopter parents in the park are on leave from work so don't always get the same amount of quality time as a stay at home parent? But doesn't matter either way. I 'helicopter' / play with my ds 4yo and it never crossed my mind that other parents might judge me until i started looking at MN..

My 5yo can get on with it with me in the background, but my 22mo cannot. You may call it helicoptering OP, I call it keeping my toddler out of casualty.

My dh is the ultimate helicopter though, I am slightly more relaxed because I look after dd 4.5 all day every day and I think that I am more confident with her abilities than dh. It does not help that dd does have SN but is not violent or aggressive in nature, more like NT children are aggressive towards her. No she just pinches other kids ride ones or bikes if she likes the look of them so do have to be aware of what she is up to.

piglet makes a good point. It's also about how your DC interacts with other kids. IMO its not OK to sit on a bench whilst a 2 yr old menaces or is menaced by other kids.

My 22mo has no idea about queueing or sharing (yet). It's not fair on the other kids to sit by and watch him walk over another toddler to get to something or conversely, sit by and watch whilst another toddler pushes him over/off something. It's about consideration to others, and teaching your child social skills whilst keeping them from doing dangerous stuff.

Therefore I am the annoying Mum who shadows her toddler saying "wait your turn" and "this little boy was there first" because if I let my 22mo run rampage, I would be getting dirty looks from the mums whose sons have just been shoved out the queue by my angelic looking devil child.

On the other hand, my 5yo is good as taking turns, sharing, making friends and not doing mad stuff so I just keep him company when he is at the park. No helicoptering required.

Yanbu in the case of children who would rather play on their own but whose parents are in the way all the time.

but Yabu for AuntieMonica's reason :

"YABU, sometimes a trip to the park is the best way for parents to have quality time with their DCs. it's positive interaction and should be encouraged."

Yes funny you should say about dads being the worst. I have such fond memories of my dad pushing me on the swings, doing the seesaw with me and helicoptering me all round the park.
That was the 70s, so I don't think it's a new thing. In fact I thought the new thinking was that this generation are so busy on their phones they don't interact enough with their DCs.

NestaF I still do that for dd 4.5 due to her ASD type traits she is still learning how to behave socially, so have to say to her "don't push you have to wait your turn*, "this little boy/girl was first, then its your tun next"

I was at Splashzone, and dd kept pushing to the front, I was , so kept helicoptering to make sure that she waited her turn and did not push in, because other children are not aware of her SN

I get fed up at our local park with parents not keeping an eye on their dcs, eg ds and friend playing on the roundabout. 2 yr old comes running up whilst it is going full pelt and wants to get on. Ds and friend stop roundabout to help 2 yr old on who then cries when it moves. Ds and friend stand there wondering what to do (both aged 6). Eventually parent of 2 yr old looks up from her phone/stops her conversation with friend and wonders over. This is repeated on every other play apparatus in the park. I wish I had the nerve to say to these parents that my ds is not there as an unpaid babysitter. When he was that age I stayed near whatever he was on and offered assistance if needed.

wanders not wonders.

Exactly piglet, IMO, that is not helicoptering, it's just being responsible and considerate.

other parents were sitting on the side with their papers, must have been the only one helicoptering a 4.5 year old but did not want to highlight her SN to all and saundry.

There are so many reasons why a parent may choose to stay close to their dc in a playground - most of them have already been mentioned and I think YABVU as you seem to believe anyone who doesn't do things your way is making their child unemployable in the future.

I have 1 child who lacked physical confidence until past his third birthday and another who was the complete opposite but has no fear or common sense so I have helicoptered my way around many a park and shall continue to do so until it becomes clear I am spoiling my dc's fun - already the case for ds1 who usually hooks up with someone shortly after our arrival these days.

I have often had other dc barging mine, hogging equipment etc and I often see toddlers wandering around aimlessly, unable to actually get on anything. In these cases I wonder where the bloody parents are. However, I seldom find the hovering parents a problem - I do know what you mean about the overly-controlling parents but most that I see seem to be enjoying interacting with their dc or hovering nearby in case they are needed.

The part of the op that stood out to me was the bit about children being left to make friends. I do feel you are misguided to think the average two year-old left to their own devcies will make friends in a playground. Ime, at that age they actually prefer adults as they get more from them. Many a time someone's 2-3 year old has latched on to me, ignoring my dc because they weren't giving the kind of replies they wanted, while the parent sat on a bench relaxing. On one memorable occasion, ds1 (then 3) ended up in tears because he tried to chat to a similar-aged child in the park and she steadfastly ignored him and addressed herself to me. Her parents were at the other end of the park on a bench, doubtless congratulating themselves on their laid-back parenting, oblivious. I felt she was a little nervous but with a little encouragement she and ds may have played together.

And I am often asked by toddlers to help them negotiate the big area of soft-play- but I suppose if you've never been in it you don't realise the size of some of the drops etc.

I actually don't think yabu.. I go to the park a lot with my DD and whilst I watch over her closely, I don't feel the need to follow her around on equipment unless she looks totally out of her depth.

She is only just 2 and can get herself into a few scrapes but I am only ever a few seconds run away and she likes the freedom. Perhaps I am lucky in that she does seem to want to hang out with other children and they tend to run around, chasing each other - don't think she'd be up to much more! If she looks like she's pestering or the other child isn't interested, I step in.

My DH is the SAHP but that doesn't mean I don't need a break occasionally - the park is designed for her to have fun so I don't consider it ignoring her or irresponsible to let her do her thing.. I'm surprised at the number of posters who do.

It really depends on the child, the park, how busy it is etc.

When DS2 was around 2 he was a pusher and would shove other children out of the way so I did helicopter until he got over that stage as it wasn't fair on the children being pushed.

I get a bit hacked off with the totally hands off parents when, for example, their 7-8 yr old keeps climbing up the slide stopping the other kids from sliding down; I do tend to say something especially if the platform at the top of the slide is getting dangerously overcrowded. There is a balance to be struck if your child is in danger or being a PITA to the other kids then you should intervene.

The air ambulance landed in our local park in central London and I missed it; DH had taken the kids to the park I though they were joking when they told me.

I thought they were joking

I just hope you are watching him from your seated position.

Otherwise, it will fall to the other 'attentive' parents to watch out for yours too!