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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

toask you if you would have a problem with someone who has Aspergers Syndrome looking after your children?

62 replies

AtYourCervix · 25/08/2011 14:02

Babysitting, nursery or nannying type childcare.

Would you want to know?

Would it be an issue?

OP posts:

Mabelface · 25/08/2011 14:05

As I have a lovely friend who happens to have Aspergers who has no problems looking after her own two children, I'd say no, dependent on the severity of their ASD.

ChristinedePizan · 25/08/2011 14:05

Most adults don't have a DX so potentially anyone looking after children could have Aspergers.

But no, even if I knew, it wouldn't bother me.

Shakirasma · 25/08/2011 14:06

Depends on the person. But as a generalisation, no of course I wouldn't have a problem.

Thousands of AS adults have kids of their own and are perfectly good parents.

Glitterknickaz · 25/08/2011 14:07

The spectrum even within Aspergers is huge.
I have two sons who have it who function at completely different levels.
It very much depends on the individual, their perception of safety, the way they behave.

scrambedeggs · 25/08/2011 14:07

depends

Miggsie · 25/08/2011 14:09

Not at all, my best friend is AS (she has children) and she's better at looking after kids than I am, she takes them out, plays lego endlessly, cooks nice food...however, an AS with no previous experience of kids, then, yes, because they don't know the "rules" yet. But then, any person with no experience of kids would make a hash of it with a challenging child.

scuzy · 25/08/2011 14:10

i would be more concerned they are qualified have the training and are vetted.

do those that work in these sectors have to disclose any of that kind of information?

easilydistracted · 25/08/2011 14:11

Agree it depends on the person and the severity of their AS! I have 2 close relatives with AS and wouldn't want either of them looking after DSs alone, but that's because of how they happen to be themselves, depends on the person.

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 25/08/2011 14:12

Testing waters for DD who thinks she might like to do some sort of childcare thing after school.
No idea if it's going to cause problems though. hope not.

OP posts:

Pelagia · 25/08/2011 14:13

I wouldn't really see it as relevant. Whoever looks after my children I do make sure they are sensible, kind, responsible and in good enough health to keep the children safe and happy. But you can tell that from meeting someone really and seeing how the children get on with them. I think the only thing I would want to know about if a carer was in sole charge is them being likely to have a sudden fit, e.g. untreated epilepsy.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 25/08/2011 14:29

Excellent post Pelagia. Anyone who looks after my DD must be kind and patient and responsible. As long as your DD fulfills my criteria, I couldn't give a toss about any diagnosis.
As a matter of fact, one of DHs students who had Aspergers did babysit DD a couple of times. He was brilliant.
HTH.

slug · 25/08/2011 14:29

Depends on the level. My DB is on the Aspergers spectrum. (He's currently doing a PhD, so his obsessive attention to detail is put to some good use.) He is simply the most fabulous babysitter there is. DD and her cousins all fight over who gets to have him come and look after them. The reason it works so well is he functions, emotionally, at their level. He treats them and behaves like their absolute equal and can happily spend hours playing games that make me go cross eyed with the tedium. And yet, he also has the authority of an adult and can be relied on to keep them out of trouble and home on time.

I always tell him if the academic world does not pan out as he hoped, a career as a Manny awaits.

MumblingRagDoll · 25/08/2011 14:32

If the person had managed to train then they would be fine wouldn't they? mean they wouldn'tget through work experience if they were not suitable....so yes.

MumblingRagDoll · 25/08/2011 14:33

I mean yes I would be ok with them looking after my DC!

JanMorrow · 25/08/2011 14:41

Yes, it depends on their abilities obviously, but I don't see why not. My cousin has looked after my daughter and he's got aspergers.

bubblesincoffee · 25/08/2011 14:43

I don't think I would have a problem with it, but it depends on the person. My ds has AS, and as he gets older I could see that he may not have a lot of patience with small children because of his sensitivity to noise which obviously wouldn't work well, plus flexibilty with things isn't a strong point of his. And his ability to empathise with children may not be condusive to a career in childcare either.

But on the other hand, I have friends who have a 23yo son who is autistic, and much much further along the spectrum than my ds, and he is absolutely fabulous with children. They all seem to flock around him and adore him! He in return has an amazing capabilty to recognise their needs, much more than I would have initially thought an autistic adult to be capable of. He would be great at childcare, but sadly I don't think he would be able to do it full time, again because of the patience thing because he does need to have space and somewhere to retreat to when he gets overwhelmed with sensory overload.

CMOTdibbler · 25/08/2011 14:47

No problem at all

TheOriginalDesperateHousewife · 25/08/2011 14:49

What Pelagia said - but put it better than I could.

Mobly · 25/08/2011 14:55

No not at all. I would judge the childcarer on their ability to care for my children. The disability does not define the person.

LemonDifficult · 25/08/2011 14:57

I have an Asperger's friend who is a nursery nurse. She's very good at it, very careful. The Asperger's in itself wouldn't worry me, the general behaviour of anyone looking after my child would be more relevant.

CardyMow · 25/08/2011 15:54

What's wrong with uncontrolled epilepsy? I look after my own 4dc and I have uncontrolled epilepsy. Does it make me incapable? I have safety measures put in place. And if I was working with children, I wouldn't be alone if I was in a nursery environment. And I WOULDN'T have to declare my epilepsy to either my employers OR the customers (parents, in a nursery setting). Why is that a problem?? Discrimination against people with epilepsy, much? SO AS is no problem, but we don't want an epileptic looking after our precious dc...

TheOriginalDesperateHousewife · 25/08/2011 16:05

Would you seriously not tell an employer if you were a nanny and had sole charge of their baby Loudlass?

As you say you have safety measures in place.........

Red2011 · 25/08/2011 16:08

One of my friends has Aspergers and I would have no problem with him looking after my DD.

Pelagia · 25/08/2011 16:09

Loudlass, I am very sorry, I really didn't mean to offend you.

I was trying to think of an example of an illness/condition where there was a likelihood that the only adult looking after children might suddenly not be able to do so. My friend's DH is not allowed to drive because he has fits sometimes. I don't know what uncontrolled epilepsy is as opposed to untreated - I meant someone who has fits and doesn't know why, can't predict them, won't take their treatments type of situation. I was thinking of 'hypothetical stubborn MIL demanding access to her gc'.

I said 'carer in sole charge' because if it was in a nursery setting it clearly wouldn't matter a jot, whereas for a nanny it would be different.

Again I really really didn't mean to be ignorant or offensive, sorry. Not sure I have made much sense with this post, I do hope you see what I meant.

CardyMow · 25/08/2011 16:23

I kind of see what you ae getting at, but I have to be in sole care of my dc, including DS3 (7mo), as I am an LP since Ex-DP left 11 weeks ago. I change baby on a mat on the floor, have a wrist strap to attach the pram to me, and would put baby in cot/playpen if I felt in any way 'funny'. I managed not to kill / maim / injure DS2 when he was a baby - I was diagnosed when DS2 was 2 weeks old, 7 years ago.

Uncontrolled epilepsy means that you are one of the 30% of people with epilepsy that even with medication, you will never be seiure free. (Only 70% of people with epilepsy will gain control of their seizures). Not every person with epilepsy KNOWS why they have it, hence most poeple with epilepsy having the diagnosis of 'idiopathic' epilepsy, which is just a medical way for Doctors to say the don't have a clue why. Not everyone with epilepsy CAN predict tei seizures - my tonic seizures sometimes come on without warning. I take meds, but I will only ever have, at best, a 50% lessening in the amount or severity of my seizures.

Now if I was a Nanny, and would be left in sole charge of a baby, then yes, I would tell the employer. BUT there is NO legal obligation for me to do so. If I didn't WANT to tell you, I wouldn't have to. And if I had a seizure at a later point whilst employed by you as a nanny, and you sacked me due to feeling that I wasn't 'safe' to look after your dc, I could take you to tribunal for unfair dismissal. Not that I would, as I'm quite upfront about my epilepsy, but it's something to bear in mind - legally someone with epilepsy cannot be discriminated against in that situation...

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